Are You Assertive or Not?
I think that it is very hard for some people to determine how others might respond to their assertiveness. For many people, especially women, being assertive is often times interpreted negatively and labels like "pushy" or "arrogant". I should know this because I have been labeled as "arrogant" for saying what I feel. As a man of color it is sometimes difficult to be assertive without others thinking that it has something to do with my ethnicity because "Latinos are hot tempered" and other false beliefs. I also think that there is a sector of people who deem it necessary to label others based on their prejudices whether they are people of color or women. Being assertive is a part of life and living a life of integrity and honesty. We cannot not be assertive and succeed in life. It takes our being as honest as we can be to get much of what we need and want in life. We have to be OK with how others interpret our assertiveness and be able to ignore the opinions of others that label us negatively for asking for what we need and want. Had it not been for the actions of African Americans assertive we would not have the freedom we have now and laws that should have been in place in America.
Are you assertive or not? Here are some clues as to whether you are and some ideas about how to be more assertive:
You are assertive if you:
1. Ask for what you want in a way that honors you and honors others. Asking for what you want may not always get you the results you want but the mere fact that you are asking is assertive. When you share what you need or want you are in your integrity and being honest is the best way to be.
2. Share your feelings without blaming or shaming others. Stating that you feel disrespected or insulted is one of the ways that you assert yourself as a human being. People may react defensively but if you word it with "I feel like..."usually helps the other person consume it better. Shaming other people for your feelings is useless and usually gets a poor reception.
3. Do what you know is best without worrying what others think of it. When you make decisions they are not based on someone else's approval. You make decisions based on what you sense is best for you and you do so without hesitation. You and only you know what its best for you. Your actions may very well need to be taken immediately and there is no time for getting permission from anyone.
4. When what you assert is meaningful and makes a difference. Being assertive for the sake of being assertive is a waste of your time and better left undone. There has to be a meaning and purpose to what you are asking of others or yourself. Telling others what you dislike about them is not being assertive it is being cruel.
5. Taking action without thinking about it for a long time and taking action without fear. Being assertive about what you need to get accomplished is likely the most important kind of assertion you will practice. You don't procrastinate but rather you take action because you need to and know it to be the best thing to do.
You may know now that you are not as assertive as you can or should be. That awareness is step one to resolving it and becoming more action oriented. Practice does make you better at something so I would encourage you to practice it. When you are inclined not to say what you are feeling try to say it in a way that is productive. Start to dismiss the messages that say others will not like you if you ask for what you want and know that the people who get what they need ask for it. Lastly, be OK with others saying no or not agreeing with you. Becoming your highest self requires that you become more assertive and always be in your own awareness, expressing what you want with honesty and love in your heart.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
Are you assertive or not? Here are some clues as to whether you are and some ideas about how to be more assertive:
You are assertive if you:
1. Ask for what you want in a way that honors you and honors others. Asking for what you want may not always get you the results you want but the mere fact that you are asking is assertive. When you share what you need or want you are in your integrity and being honest is the best way to be.
2. Share your feelings without blaming or shaming others. Stating that you feel disrespected or insulted is one of the ways that you assert yourself as a human being. People may react defensively but if you word it with "I feel like..."usually helps the other person consume it better. Shaming other people for your feelings is useless and usually gets a poor reception.
3. Do what you know is best without worrying what others think of it. When you make decisions they are not based on someone else's approval. You make decisions based on what you sense is best for you and you do so without hesitation. You and only you know what its best for you. Your actions may very well need to be taken immediately and there is no time for getting permission from anyone.
4. When what you assert is meaningful and makes a difference. Being assertive for the sake of being assertive is a waste of your time and better left undone. There has to be a meaning and purpose to what you are asking of others or yourself. Telling others what you dislike about them is not being assertive it is being cruel.
5. Taking action without thinking about it for a long time and taking action without fear. Being assertive about what you need to get accomplished is likely the most important kind of assertion you will practice. You don't procrastinate but rather you take action because you need to and know it to be the best thing to do.
You may know now that you are not as assertive as you can or should be. That awareness is step one to resolving it and becoming more action oriented. Practice does make you better at something so I would encourage you to practice it. When you are inclined not to say what you are feeling try to say it in a way that is productive. Start to dismiss the messages that say others will not like you if you ask for what you want and know that the people who get what they need ask for it. Lastly, be OK with others saying no or not agreeing with you. Becoming your highest self requires that you become more assertive and always be in your own awareness, expressing what you want with honesty and love in your heart.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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