THE FEMALE IMAGE
I am not sure when we will understand the numerous issues around the physical image of women. Everyone is in on it including men and I am not void of an opinion but most of all concerns. I for one have become weary of the depiction of what magazines and ads promote as beautiful and the many ways that models are paraded in front of us with the myth that this is what pretty looks like, feels like and is like. To say that I am tired of the lies is truly just a light hearted description of how I feel as a human being, as a father of two women and as a man who has struggled with my own physical image due to the hard sell that depicts handsome men as muscular and big chested. Still I believe that women have a lot more pressure to be a size 0-6 and all the messages around us justify that rather cruel criteria. In a word: Ridiculous
Today I got up early unlike some of my Sundays when I get up at about 9:30 and at other times
whenever I happen to get up. I set my alarm for 8 am because I was scheduled to be at a restaurant for a graduation celebration breakfast at Kingsbury Cafe in Lincoln Park. Most of the guests were women and there were about 20 guests. I was one of two men in the group of what I would refer to as real women. I don't think any of them were a size 0 or even a 6 and all of them were beautiful in their own right and in my eyes. I ended up having a conversation with one lady who I have known for a number of years via the person who held the event. I looked at her and complimented her on how great she looked. At one point she shared that she was "done searching" and when I asked her what she meant (I was concerned) she said that she was not looking for a partner. I told her that she didn't need to look and that any man who could not see her inner and outer beauty didn't deserve to be around her. There is still a part of me that believes that perhaps she did not see herself as incredibly exotic and graceful and as smart as I did. Having known her for some time I truly feel as though she is a light filled person who is worth getting to know and that any man who could honor her would be extremely gifted. She then shared that she was trying to lose another 20 pounds and that my sharing that I worked out five days a week the last time we spoke motivated her. Still for me there was a little doubt there that showed through and I wished so badly that she could see her physical image as perfect as it is on this day at this time, embracing the curves that make her a woman.
My question is one that I am sure many of you have asked. If size 14 is the average woman's size then why do we see these fragile looking, skeletal like models in every magazine we open? Where are these real women? Why isn't Vogue, Vanity Fair, Cosmo or other fashion magazines using women that are normal in their fashion spreads unless they are famous? The answer is not simple nor would I pretend to be the one to know why but what I do know is that there are many young women getting literally ill trying to live up to some standard of what they should look like that is in a word "Ridiculous". At one time there was a magazine called BBW (Big Beautiful Women) which at first brought me some form of joy and hope that this false image could be broken down. It was short lived and today I asked myself, "Why was it called Big Beautiful Women"? Why couldn't it just be called BB for Beautiful Women? After all aren't most beautiful women a size 14? Why do we call that big to begin with? At the risk of sounding silly I want to invite men to look around and acknowledge the reality that most women don't look like the skinny bitches in the ads at the train station or commercials on TV. I want to ask that everyone out there get real and embrace the truth and stop perpetuating this idea that women need to be a size 6 or want to be a size 6 or are prettier or more valuable if they are a size 6.
When I was growing up the image of a beautiful woman was quite different and a lot more true to life. Women with some "meat on their bones" were considered sexy. Men were more attracted to women with curvaceous bodies and although there needed to be more depth in thought it was definitely a more realistic viewpoint. My own mother, my grandmother and other women in my life were not "skinny" and in fact it was considered cause for concern if someone was too thin. I long for that positive physical image to be the one that dominates and feel like somewhere we lost our grip on what is truly beautiful and what makes a woman a woman. I cannot help but to reference back to the days when artists depicted woman that were voluptuous and this was the standard of beauty, although I must say that there should not be a standard. Maybe it would be better if we simply embraced the fact that women are all different like we normally do with men and stop this dangerous myth that women need to be like the ones that are sold to us as pretty.
Without my stories in life where would I be? Without the women I have met I would say, incomplete. It has not been just meeting them that has made a difference but rather the forthright manner with which they have shared their feelings with me and honored me as a person and as an energy of male. One such occasion happened recently or should I say one such blessing happened recently. Yes, I like that better and it's more accurate. I teach a salsa dance class and there was a wonderful woman who attended my class. You know a real woman with curves whom I had once met when she was in her black dress and heels looking like a Goddess. She still looked like a goddess in her pants and t-shirt but only this time she was shaking her head at every little error she would make dancing with other students who were seasoned and more advanced. I had started with the basic step and led her all the way to what I refer to as two series of salsa dance turns taking turns leading her. She not only did well she did an incredibly good job at dancing salsa and she'd told me it was her very first class, yet when I danced with her she would apologize repeatedly for making a minor mistake. It was difficult for this beautiful woman to look up at me and "see the goddess in the mirror" as she was asked to do. I repeatedly beat her over the head emotionally by saying that I saw the beautiful goddess inside and outside and that she could not apologize or shake her head in self-dislike any more. Afterwards all I could think about was how much the media and people around her must have disrespected her or had an issue with her not being a size 6. In fact she was likely a size 12 and looked incredible. It was for sure the inside spirit coming out at me and at the rest of my students who just loved her and cheered her on. At one point I could see the emotion wanting to come up and knowing that dance is an emotional and spiritual experience I would have been way OK with that. In summation, I was a little angry that somewhere along the course of this woman's life she has been made to believe that she is not enough just as she is and just as she looks. It was heartbreaking for me and all I wanted was to hug her and tell her how much she contributed to my class and just how incredible she seemed to me, including that awesome energy I felt dancing with her. My question today is: How and when did it happen that this woman and others bought into the false belief of what is beautiful based on some idiotic opinion by people who are likely living on the surface of life? Who gave Elle, Vogue, GQ or the media the right to say what is beautiful and worthy of that honor? I say let's take that image of the size 2 model who has not eaten in two years, is almost a skeleton of herself and dump it in the trash. I say burn a few of those depictions and laugh your ass off as you rub the sides of your fabulous and curvy hips. Amen.
Coach Elliott
Today I got up early unlike some of my Sundays when I get up at about 9:30 and at other times
whenever I happen to get up. I set my alarm for 8 am because I was scheduled to be at a restaurant for a graduation celebration breakfast at Kingsbury Cafe in Lincoln Park. Most of the guests were women and there were about 20 guests. I was one of two men in the group of what I would refer to as real women. I don't think any of them were a size 0 or even a 6 and all of them were beautiful in their own right and in my eyes. I ended up having a conversation with one lady who I have known for a number of years via the person who held the event. I looked at her and complimented her on how great she looked. At one point she shared that she was "done searching" and when I asked her what she meant (I was concerned) she said that she was not looking for a partner. I told her that she didn't need to look and that any man who could not see her inner and outer beauty didn't deserve to be around her. There is still a part of me that believes that perhaps she did not see herself as incredibly exotic and graceful and as smart as I did. Having known her for some time I truly feel as though she is a light filled person who is worth getting to know and that any man who could honor her would be extremely gifted. She then shared that she was trying to lose another 20 pounds and that my sharing that I worked out five days a week the last time we spoke motivated her. Still for me there was a little doubt there that showed through and I wished so badly that she could see her physical image as perfect as it is on this day at this time, embracing the curves that make her a woman.
My question is one that I am sure many of you have asked. If size 14 is the average woman's size then why do we see these fragile looking, skeletal like models in every magazine we open? Where are these real women? Why isn't Vogue, Vanity Fair, Cosmo or other fashion magazines using women that are normal in their fashion spreads unless they are famous? The answer is not simple nor would I pretend to be the one to know why but what I do know is that there are many young women getting literally ill trying to live up to some standard of what they should look like that is in a word "Ridiculous". At one time there was a magazine called BBW (Big Beautiful Women) which at first brought me some form of joy and hope that this false image could be broken down. It was short lived and today I asked myself, "Why was it called Big Beautiful Women"? Why couldn't it just be called BB for Beautiful Women? After all aren't most beautiful women a size 14? Why do we call that big to begin with? At the risk of sounding silly I want to invite men to look around and acknowledge the reality that most women don't look like the skinny bitches in the ads at the train station or commercials on TV. I want to ask that everyone out there get real and embrace the truth and stop perpetuating this idea that women need to be a size 6 or want to be a size 6 or are prettier or more valuable if they are a size 6.
When I was growing up the image of a beautiful woman was quite different and a lot more true to life. Women with some "meat on their bones" were considered sexy. Men were more attracted to women with curvaceous bodies and although there needed to be more depth in thought it was definitely a more realistic viewpoint. My own mother, my grandmother and other women in my life were not "skinny" and in fact it was considered cause for concern if someone was too thin. I long for that positive physical image to be the one that dominates and feel like somewhere we lost our grip on what is truly beautiful and what makes a woman a woman. I cannot help but to reference back to the days when artists depicted woman that were voluptuous and this was the standard of beauty, although I must say that there should not be a standard. Maybe it would be better if we simply embraced the fact that women are all different like we normally do with men and stop this dangerous myth that women need to be like the ones that are sold to us as pretty.
Without my stories in life where would I be? Without the women I have met I would say, incomplete. It has not been just meeting them that has made a difference but rather the forthright manner with which they have shared their feelings with me and honored me as a person and as an energy of male. One such occasion happened recently or should I say one such blessing happened recently. Yes, I like that better and it's more accurate. I teach a salsa dance class and there was a wonderful woman who attended my class. You know a real woman with curves whom I had once met when she was in her black dress and heels looking like a Goddess. She still looked like a goddess in her pants and t-shirt but only this time she was shaking her head at every little error she would make dancing with other students who were seasoned and more advanced. I had started with the basic step and led her all the way to what I refer to as two series of salsa dance turns taking turns leading her. She not only did well she did an incredibly good job at dancing salsa and she'd told me it was her very first class, yet when I danced with her she would apologize repeatedly for making a minor mistake. It was difficult for this beautiful woman to look up at me and "see the goddess in the mirror" as she was asked to do. I repeatedly beat her over the head emotionally by saying that I saw the beautiful goddess inside and outside and that she could not apologize or shake her head in self-dislike any more. Afterwards all I could think about was how much the media and people around her must have disrespected her or had an issue with her not being a size 6. In fact she was likely a size 12 and looked incredible. It was for sure the inside spirit coming out at me and at the rest of my students who just loved her and cheered her on. At one point I could see the emotion wanting to come up and knowing that dance is an emotional and spiritual experience I would have been way OK with that. In summation, I was a little angry that somewhere along the course of this woman's life she has been made to believe that she is not enough just as she is and just as she looks. It was heartbreaking for me and all I wanted was to hug her and tell her how much she contributed to my class and just how incredible she seemed to me, including that awesome energy I felt dancing with her. My question today is: How and when did it happen that this woman and others bought into the false belief of what is beautiful based on some idiotic opinion by people who are likely living on the surface of life? Who gave Elle, Vogue, GQ or the media the right to say what is beautiful and worthy of that honor? I say let's take that image of the size 2 model who has not eaten in two years, is almost a skeleton of herself and dump it in the trash. I say burn a few of those depictions and laugh your ass off as you rub the sides of your fabulous and curvy hips. Amen.
Coach Elliott
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