To The Mothers
Yesterday my husband and I hosted Mother's Day at our home. As is usual for me I take great measures to create a beautiful table for my guests while my husband shakes his head in dismay and waits for me to have a melt down but this time it went seamlessly and with ease and grace. In the middle of the table a Goddess face and at the sides two pink floral arrangements to represent the feminine energy. I made a chicken curry dish and Cary made a pork dish. We ended the meal with ice cream, almond cookies, dark chocolate pretzels, white chocolate sticks and some Asian popcorn with cinnamon. The moms were not permitted to life a finger and when they tried or looked like they were we forbid it.
My own personal struggle with my relationship with my mom has seemingly come to a new place, one that is of compassion and the understanding that she did the very best she could. I have finally come to that point where I feel like the healing is taking place and for the event I prepared a letter to read to her publicly while our families and a couple of friends witnessed it. As I read the letter I became emotional and had to stop for a moment. As I read each word I felt more and more clear, open hearted and healed inside. It was part of the process and it was defining my new journey with my mother and with myself.
I realize now that forgiving my mom is really about healing myself. It was not easy to go there emotionally and I was led there by a particularly hurtful experience with another mother figure that I tried to make into my mom. What goddess led me to see was that the healing could only happen with my own mother.
The letter that I wrote and read yesterday was one that I wrote with the intention to focus on whatever positive, helpful and loving things my mother did for me starting with carrying me inside her for nine months. It was me finally looking at all the positive ways that she impacted my life and it highlighted the fact that she emphasized education, kept a beautiful and clean home, taught me how to present myself physically, made me a gentleman and let me know that no one was better than me nor I better then anyone else. She demonstrated to me that people don't have a color and that whatever religion or lifestyle of others that they all deserved respect and a chance to get to know them. It was when I wrote it that I realized and more so when I read it that my mother did the best she could and that this had to be enough for me. I also realized that I needed to let go of the past and move into the present.
I know that my mother was not perfect. She made mistakes just like any other parent including myself. What has changed is that I am now letting go of the past completely and forgiving her and forgiving myself for judging her. I no longer want to hold onto the hurt, the pain or the judgements. I no longer want to carry the heavy burden around and drag my feet, reliving the past. I know now that she really did the best she knew how with the tools that she had and the circumstances she found herself in. Whatever happened in the past needed to pass. Whatever feelings I had of remorse, resentments, anger or even rage I needed let go of.
My mother is a strong woman. She was beautiful in her youth and I recall how incredibly dressed she was at all times. I recall the homes that she provided and the care she took in keeping them impeccably. I recall all the work she would put into cooking a wonderful meal for us. I also recall her struggle with the emotional issues attached to divorce and a man who left her alone and never once bothered to connect with her children, to love us or contribute anything to us. He moved on when I was about six, started his own family and never looked back, but that is another story. My mother raised us with the help of her parents and she made certain that we were fed and safe. She is my mother and the only mom I have. She is the mom God gave me and she is enough. In fact she is a good person at her core and in her heart. I am grateful for her and today I see the value of forgiveness and connecting with my mother. She is imperfect but then so are we all.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone and may you find your mother healing if in your life if in your heart there is healing to be done.
Coach Elliott
My own personal struggle with my relationship with my mom has seemingly come to a new place, one that is of compassion and the understanding that she did the very best she could. I have finally come to that point where I feel like the healing is taking place and for the event I prepared a letter to read to her publicly while our families and a couple of friends witnessed it. As I read the letter I became emotional and had to stop for a moment. As I read each word I felt more and more clear, open hearted and healed inside. It was part of the process and it was defining my new journey with my mother and with myself.
I realize now that forgiving my mom is really about healing myself. It was not easy to go there emotionally and I was led there by a particularly hurtful experience with another mother figure that I tried to make into my mom. What goddess led me to see was that the healing could only happen with my own mother.
The letter that I wrote and read yesterday was one that I wrote with the intention to focus on whatever positive, helpful and loving things my mother did for me starting with carrying me inside her for nine months. It was me finally looking at all the positive ways that she impacted my life and it highlighted the fact that she emphasized education, kept a beautiful and clean home, taught me how to present myself physically, made me a gentleman and let me know that no one was better than me nor I better then anyone else. She demonstrated to me that people don't have a color and that whatever religion or lifestyle of others that they all deserved respect and a chance to get to know them. It was when I wrote it that I realized and more so when I read it that my mother did the best she could and that this had to be enough for me. I also realized that I needed to let go of the past and move into the present.
I know that my mother was not perfect. She made mistakes just like any other parent including myself. What has changed is that I am now letting go of the past completely and forgiving her and forgiving myself for judging her. I no longer want to hold onto the hurt, the pain or the judgements. I no longer want to carry the heavy burden around and drag my feet, reliving the past. I know now that she really did the best she knew how with the tools that she had and the circumstances she found herself in. Whatever happened in the past needed to pass. Whatever feelings I had of remorse, resentments, anger or even rage I needed let go of.
My mother is a strong woman. She was beautiful in her youth and I recall how incredibly dressed she was at all times. I recall the homes that she provided and the care she took in keeping them impeccably. I recall all the work she would put into cooking a wonderful meal for us. I also recall her struggle with the emotional issues attached to divorce and a man who left her alone and never once bothered to connect with her children, to love us or contribute anything to us. He moved on when I was about six, started his own family and never looked back, but that is another story. My mother raised us with the help of her parents and she made certain that we were fed and safe. She is my mother and the only mom I have. She is the mom God gave me and she is enough. In fact she is a good person at her core and in her heart. I am grateful for her and today I see the value of forgiveness and connecting with my mother. She is imperfect but then so are we all.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone and may you find your mother healing if in your life if in your heart there is healing to be done.
Coach Elliott
That was beautiful Elliot. So inspirational. And I thought about my own personal journey with people who have hurt me. I also need to let go of the wrongs and look at the positives they left in my life and embrace those. Moviing forward a stronger woman. Thanks old friend!
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