Wake Them Up
I recently had a conversation with my mentor who I will call Leslie about the idea that waking someone up from their sleep is rude, yet sometimes neccessary. The state of sleeping is one that has become all to common in our circle of friends and family, even people who we experience briefly during the course of a day in our life. Sleeping people are the ones who are not awake and people who are not awake cannot hear us or see us. They are not literally sleeping yet they are asleep and their state of awareness is missing which is why they cannot see us. The world is full of people who are asleep and although not everyone is asleep at the same time, most have been asleep and some will be asleep as some time or another. While is it OK to check out from the hustle of life it should only be temporary and short lived, for those who stay in a coma like state may need to be reminded and given a little nudge.
Our loved one, spouse, husband, wife or partner are one of those people in our lives who we may need to awaken at times. Although it may be true that we may not want to wake them out of a shocking situation or trauma we should wake them up when it is needed and for reasons that resonate as love. We cannot complain about our partners if we continuously allow them to remain in a state of emotional sleep day after day, month after month and year after year. This of course applies to any person we love like our son, our daughter, our mom or our dad. We have permission to wake others up who are in an emotional sleep and we think are not responsive. As a matter of fact we are doing others a favour by waking them up.
Loving words, tenderness and compassion are the key elements of waking others up. We must respect them by first introducing the fact that we love them so very much and then moving into our need for them to be more awake to what we are saying, sharing or need. It may be obvious to most of us but using I statements is a great way to introduce awakenness. Letting others know how we feel around their state of emotional sleep starts and open ended dialog that will lead to a more conscious state of being and a more connected way of holding relationship. We cannot expect our loved ones do know what we need or what we have observed if we are not willing to bring it forward in a way that is kind and has room for forgiveness. An I statement can be one like: I am feeling like I am not heard and I wonder if you would be open to an awakening? This brings the issue up to your loved one and immediately takes some responsibility for your feelings without blaming and shaming anyone.
There are things that put us into a state of sleep. It can often be drugs but there are other softer and less obvious ones like video games, Facebook, television, food and work. We can use just about anything to justify our state of sleeping and in our society there are many addictions that pacify us and make us believe we are in some state of peace when in fact we are only checking out. We must be aware of the many ways that we check out and go into our coma induced place and begin to release these habits so that we can become more awake, more present and more connected with the people and things around us. Giving our partner and family and friends permission to wake us up is likely a gift we can give ourselves and a gift we can give others. Being the person to do the waking up is courageous and honest, usually resulting in a conversation about how we can connect with that person and how he or she can connect with us.
The next time that you are thinking about waking a person who is emotionally asleep go right ahead and wake them up. Don't lie about it, don't hide it, don't even pretend that it will pass. Tell the truth and get to the heart of it by pointing it out in a way that is loving and with words that align with the respect you hold for that person and for yourself. Remember that love is about honouring them and honouring yourself. Most of all remember to check in with yourself and see that you are awake.
Coach Elliott
Our loved one, spouse, husband, wife or partner are one of those people in our lives who we may need to awaken at times. Although it may be true that we may not want to wake them out of a shocking situation or trauma we should wake them up when it is needed and for reasons that resonate as love. We cannot complain about our partners if we continuously allow them to remain in a state of emotional sleep day after day, month after month and year after year. This of course applies to any person we love like our son, our daughter, our mom or our dad. We have permission to wake others up who are in an emotional sleep and we think are not responsive. As a matter of fact we are doing others a favour by waking them up.
Loving words, tenderness and compassion are the key elements of waking others up. We must respect them by first introducing the fact that we love them so very much and then moving into our need for them to be more awake to what we are saying, sharing or need. It may be obvious to most of us but using I statements is a great way to introduce awakenness. Letting others know how we feel around their state of emotional sleep starts and open ended dialog that will lead to a more conscious state of being and a more connected way of holding relationship. We cannot expect our loved ones do know what we need or what we have observed if we are not willing to bring it forward in a way that is kind and has room for forgiveness. An I statement can be one like: I am feeling like I am not heard and I wonder if you would be open to an awakening? This brings the issue up to your loved one and immediately takes some responsibility for your feelings without blaming and shaming anyone.
There are things that put us into a state of sleep. It can often be drugs but there are other softer and less obvious ones like video games, Facebook, television, food and work. We can use just about anything to justify our state of sleeping and in our society there are many addictions that pacify us and make us believe we are in some state of peace when in fact we are only checking out. We must be aware of the many ways that we check out and go into our coma induced place and begin to release these habits so that we can become more awake, more present and more connected with the people and things around us. Giving our partner and family and friends permission to wake us up is likely a gift we can give ourselves and a gift we can give others. Being the person to do the waking up is courageous and honest, usually resulting in a conversation about how we can connect with that person and how he or she can connect with us.
The next time that you are thinking about waking a person who is emotionally asleep go right ahead and wake them up. Don't lie about it, don't hide it, don't even pretend that it will pass. Tell the truth and get to the heart of it by pointing it out in a way that is loving and with words that align with the respect you hold for that person and for yourself. Remember that love is about honouring them and honouring yourself. Most of all remember to check in with yourself and see that you are awake.
Coach Elliott
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