Relationship
I realize I have already posted one BLOG today but I guess I feel compelled to share this while it is fresh on my mind. This morning I coached a couple who are clients of mine and who have been struggling in relationship. When they came to me it seemed that they were close to ending the relationship. Now four sessions later they are emoting, sharing, smiling and laughing. Of course there is a lot more work to do and we all realize it and acknowledged that today, every time we meet I collectively learn something with them. This is what I want share and feel that worked:
1. Take the time to tell your partner what you value in them or write it down and gift them with it.
2. Take a loving inventory as individuals in each area of your life using adjectives to describe that area of your life: spiritually, financially, in your relationship, health and nutrition and creatively. This is an individual inventory. Then write down why you wrote that response/descriptor (positive or challenging responses). If you stated that your health and well being are fabulous then the reason why might be that you are exercising regularly and eating healthier foods. If your response in that area is a word like "terrible" then the why might be that you are eating too much sugar or meat and that you are not getting enough exercise. Once you have done this part write one thing that you are going to do in the areas that need attention. Then share this with your partner and ask for support. Wait for your partner to respond to your request for support and allow him or her to decide for themselves how they can or are willing to support you.
3. Notice how you show up in your relationship or if perhaps you are not showing up in your relationship when you should. Be aware of when you check out emotionally and ask yourself why you are not present. Admit our loud that you are not present and ask to be excused while you regroup. Give your partner permission to lovingly point it out by saying something like: "I sense you are struggling with being present. Is there something I can do so that we can connect?" If you are showing up in your relationship as a nagging parent be in your awareness about it and allow your partner to lovingly address this archetype in you. He or she might say something like: "I am feeling like a child and hurt and I don't feel loved". The way we show up in relationship affects the way our partner responds to us and in turn has an impact on the relationship as a whole, both positively and negatively. On the converse when your partner shows up lovingly, compassionately, supportive and joyfully take the opportunity to point it out by prizing him or her for it and saying how great it feels. The idea here is to be honest about where you need to do your part and your self-work and then doing something about it.
4. Family and Holidays: For some relationships the family holidays can be challenging and at time outright difficult. Before you visit each other's family make certain that this is what you both want to do and then devise a written plan in case something comes up. Your plan may include staying in a hotel versus staying with the family, renting a car so that you have more freedom, planning alone time and agreeing on how mishaps could be handled. Before you leave to visit your family or your partner's family discuss some of the positive experiences and in turn some of the challenging things that you have had in the past and how it will be addressed in a way that honors both of you. This is about manifesting a more joyful experience and most of all about being proactive. I don't assume that everyone has had issues with family holiday events but I can say that I have and admittedly not been prepared for what came along with unhealed issues, resentments or past stuff.
I hope this has been helpful to someone. I have to admit that doing the work that I do is joyful and inspiring. I learn so much from my clients that maybe I should be paying them.
In Light and Joy,
Coach Elliott
1. Take the time to tell your partner what you value in them or write it down and gift them with it.
2. Take a loving inventory as individuals in each area of your life using adjectives to describe that area of your life: spiritually, financially, in your relationship, health and nutrition and creatively. This is an individual inventory. Then write down why you wrote that response/descriptor (positive or challenging responses). If you stated that your health and well being are fabulous then the reason why might be that you are exercising regularly and eating healthier foods. If your response in that area is a word like "terrible" then the why might be that you are eating too much sugar or meat and that you are not getting enough exercise. Once you have done this part write one thing that you are going to do in the areas that need attention. Then share this with your partner and ask for support. Wait for your partner to respond to your request for support and allow him or her to decide for themselves how they can or are willing to support you.
3. Notice how you show up in your relationship or if perhaps you are not showing up in your relationship when you should. Be aware of when you check out emotionally and ask yourself why you are not present. Admit our loud that you are not present and ask to be excused while you regroup. Give your partner permission to lovingly point it out by saying something like: "I sense you are struggling with being present. Is there something I can do so that we can connect?" If you are showing up in your relationship as a nagging parent be in your awareness about it and allow your partner to lovingly address this archetype in you. He or she might say something like: "I am feeling like a child and hurt and I don't feel loved". The way we show up in relationship affects the way our partner responds to us and in turn has an impact on the relationship as a whole, both positively and negatively. On the converse when your partner shows up lovingly, compassionately, supportive and joyfully take the opportunity to point it out by prizing him or her for it and saying how great it feels. The idea here is to be honest about where you need to do your part and your self-work and then doing something about it.
4. Family and Holidays: For some relationships the family holidays can be challenging and at time outright difficult. Before you visit each other's family make certain that this is what you both want to do and then devise a written plan in case something comes up. Your plan may include staying in a hotel versus staying with the family, renting a car so that you have more freedom, planning alone time and agreeing on how mishaps could be handled. Before you leave to visit your family or your partner's family discuss some of the positive experiences and in turn some of the challenging things that you have had in the past and how it will be addressed in a way that honors both of you. This is about manifesting a more joyful experience and most of all about being proactive. I don't assume that everyone has had issues with family holiday events but I can say that I have and admittedly not been prepared for what came along with unhealed issues, resentments or past stuff.
I hope this has been helpful to someone. I have to admit that doing the work that I do is joyful and inspiring. I learn so much from my clients that maybe I should be paying them.
In Light and Joy,
Coach Elliott
Comments
Post a Comment