My Mission (continued)
Let me begin by saying that I changed my blog from My Missionary Experience to just My Mission. Don't ask me why. I may decide to change it again but for now know that the next few blogs will be all about the missionary journey and my healing journey. Now it is coming to me that maybe it should be called: "My Healing Journey". Pardon me while I ponder that. OK, I am ready.
Today I woke up a little disoriented and confused, unsure of how I was feeling about getting out of the bed and starting my day at 6:30 in the god forsaken morning. I replaced all the negative language with positive affirmations. I knew that my first chore was to put together some booklets that the guests receive when they arrive on Sunday. That was at 10am. Then I realised that breakfast was at 8:30 but still I stayed in bed. I just needed a little more time to digest the day and it just came to fast.
I started to rush myself not knowing that this morning was the morning of the "testimonials"where guest share their experience and those who make it through three weeks get a diploma. God knows that for any normal human being three weeks eating raw and addressing their inner emotions is a tough journey.
Once again I sat in a room with a bunch of papers in front of me that needed to be inserted into a binder with the schedule and other information they would need. Once again I felt small as though I was doing something that I really did not want to do. It felt like busy work and I figured someone else less intelligent, maybe a four year old should be doing it. And once again I was humbled and brought to a place of knowing that no task is too small and that even if I am intelligent that has nothing to do with why I am here. In fact what I think is that I am here to be humbled. and to know that no task in the name of serving others is too small or unimportant. Someone has to do that job and at first I was literally confused as to the order of papers and dividers. With all that said I spent my hour doing the work and coming to terms with the fact that I am not less of who I am because the work might be considered mundane.
Every day that I am here I get closer to spirit and closer to my heart. At lunch I spoke to two ladies who were excited and praising spirit. Come to find out they were both given a scholarship to stay at OHI another week. Someone had randomly asked them if they were leaving to which they said they wished they could stay if they only had the funds, to which he offered to pay. The blessings of mankind never cease. It was for me the loudest testimonial of what this journey is about for me and for others looking to be healed. What a generous person to pay 2,000 dollars for two people to be able to stay another week who would not have been able to do that. I had experienced these two elder woman of color and cannot express how shiny, friendly, loving and delightful they were towards me and everyone else. It was repaid to them by goddess and it inspires me to witness that kind of love from one person, who did not know them until they came here, to another person.
The last thing for today and the best part of today was when I got back to my accommodations and wrote a poem for my daughters. As I was finishing it up I began to cry. The thought of being without them for the holidays broke my spirit and my heart. The poem was actually inspired by a guest here whose daughter had a fatal accident that has left her immobile. At the testimonial he talked about her fighting back the tears. It was for me something I could understand having two wonderful daughters of my own. Last June when I was here a little Latino boy was here with his sister, mom and grandma. The family was to say the least beautiful in every way. My first interaction with the little boy was in the lobby where he was fiddling with the puzzle and playing with some plastic connecting pieces. He said hello to me in Spanish and I truly fell in love with him. At one point his mother thanked me for talking to him. At the time I would not have known the extent of the lesson I would derive from being around him. I decided at the very last moment to write a poem for him and read it at the talent show accompanied by guitar music that was offered up to me. Today I read that same poem and rushed into tears waling and crying in a way I have not in a very long time. What I realised was that this boy was me and that he was here to remind me of what I needed to retrieve and love, my little inner boy, myself. I cried for that little boy today like I cried for him the day that I wrote the poem and like when I met the little boy and read the poem as he sat directly in front of me in the front row (unplanned) and laughted the whole time. Tomorrow I will share that poem with all of you. Until then I thank you for sharing this experience with me.
Today I woke up a little disoriented and confused, unsure of how I was feeling about getting out of the bed and starting my day at 6:30 in the god forsaken morning. I replaced all the negative language with positive affirmations. I knew that my first chore was to put together some booklets that the guests receive when they arrive on Sunday. That was at 10am. Then I realised that breakfast was at 8:30 but still I stayed in bed. I just needed a little more time to digest the day and it just came to fast.
I started to rush myself not knowing that this morning was the morning of the "testimonials"where guest share their experience and those who make it through three weeks get a diploma. God knows that for any normal human being three weeks eating raw and addressing their inner emotions is a tough journey.
Once again I sat in a room with a bunch of papers in front of me that needed to be inserted into a binder with the schedule and other information they would need. Once again I felt small as though I was doing something that I really did not want to do. It felt like busy work and I figured someone else less intelligent, maybe a four year old should be doing it. And once again I was humbled and brought to a place of knowing that no task is too small and that even if I am intelligent that has nothing to do with why I am here. In fact what I think is that I am here to be humbled. and to know that no task in the name of serving others is too small or unimportant. Someone has to do that job and at first I was literally confused as to the order of papers and dividers. With all that said I spent my hour doing the work and coming to terms with the fact that I am not less of who I am because the work might be considered mundane.
Every day that I am here I get closer to spirit and closer to my heart. At lunch I spoke to two ladies who were excited and praising spirit. Come to find out they were both given a scholarship to stay at OHI another week. Someone had randomly asked them if they were leaving to which they said they wished they could stay if they only had the funds, to which he offered to pay. The blessings of mankind never cease. It was for me the loudest testimonial of what this journey is about for me and for others looking to be healed. What a generous person to pay 2,000 dollars for two people to be able to stay another week who would not have been able to do that. I had experienced these two elder woman of color and cannot express how shiny, friendly, loving and delightful they were towards me and everyone else. It was repaid to them by goddess and it inspires me to witness that kind of love from one person, who did not know them until they came here, to another person.
The last thing for today and the best part of today was when I got back to my accommodations and wrote a poem for my daughters. As I was finishing it up I began to cry. The thought of being without them for the holidays broke my spirit and my heart. The poem was actually inspired by a guest here whose daughter had a fatal accident that has left her immobile. At the testimonial he talked about her fighting back the tears. It was for me something I could understand having two wonderful daughters of my own. Last June when I was here a little Latino boy was here with his sister, mom and grandma. The family was to say the least beautiful in every way. My first interaction with the little boy was in the lobby where he was fiddling with the puzzle and playing with some plastic connecting pieces. He said hello to me in Spanish and I truly fell in love with him. At one point his mother thanked me for talking to him. At the time I would not have known the extent of the lesson I would derive from being around him. I decided at the very last moment to write a poem for him and read it at the talent show accompanied by guitar music that was offered up to me. Today I read that same poem and rushed into tears waling and crying in a way I have not in a very long time. What I realised was that this boy was me and that he was here to remind me of what I needed to retrieve and love, my little inner boy, myself. I cried for that little boy today like I cried for him the day that I wrote the poem and like when I met the little boy and read the poem as he sat directly in front of me in the front row (unplanned) and laughted the whole time. Tomorrow I will share that poem with all of you. Until then I thank you for sharing this experience with me.
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