If You Are Honored or Maybe Not
People get into relationships and during the entire course of it they put little to no work into it. Often times the reason they don't think about doing the homework required is that they think they are perfect and that relationships should be filled with bliss, all the time, every day, day in and day out. The reality is that relationships are work and that if you are not wiling to do the work you should stay single and leave everyone the hell alone. There is no room for selfish, egotistic maniacs in relationships of love. Although some may think relationships are for fun and excitement or to have someone to meet their needs, that is not the way it really is. Every person in every relationship needs to do their part and even if you think you are an angel trust me you are not, no one is, not me, not you.
The very fist thing to note in any relationship is whether the other person honors you. The way that this becomes evident is in their daily behaviors and in the fact that they are willing to be wrong rather than to win every battle. In fact there is so little room for competition in relationships and the reality is that if you think competitively then you surely need to be alone, not that there is anything wrong with that. Just that so many people want to be in relationships and are too lazy to do their work, even their own self-work. When someone is not willing to do the work it simply means that they do not deem you worthy nor do they respect and honor the relationship or you for that matter.
I like to think I can honor another person. I like to think that I honor my children and my friends because I make sure to respect their wishes and honor their needs. I also show up for them when they need me and they don't need to always ask me. After all if I love them I should be able to read them to some degree and know what they need from their father. That is what love is about. Yet many people do not get this basic premise about love and honoring those you allege to care about and love. Love really does require us to be proactive and to get to know the many moods and needs of the person we spend each day with, go to bed with and wake up with. Again, if you cannot do this then you should stay alone and not bother to waste your time or the valuable time of others.
I hear so many stories about men from women mostly. They tell me that their husbands are emotionally absent, have had an affair or just don't pull their weight at home. Many of these women complain that the thing their husband does best is go to their JOB. They don't wash clothes, they don't stay home with the children, they don't initiate a conversation that needs to be had, even after numerous threats on the marriage. As stupid as it seems many men would rather fight tooth and nail with their own spouse about something that needs to be done at home but would not go into their bosses office to ask for a raise, Men who are looking for excuses often times do as little as possible and when they see their spouse frustrated will point at them and elude to their being crazy or out of control. Unfortunately women stay with these men for much too long in hope that they will have an epiphany, but they don't.
So what is the point of all this discussion? Well, you have to know when you are honored and when you are not. You know when you are honored because you feel equal and you feel in love with the other person you are with. You are honored if you look at the person you are in relationship with and feel deep respect and love because they feel it towards you and they show you every day. You are honored when you feel sadness and your partner comes over to you and asks what he or she can do to help you out. You are honored when you are accepted for who you are and the person you are with loves every part of you, even the flaws parts. You are honored if you feel safe and when you cross your partners path you want to touch them or embrace them and they you. You are honored when you are thanked for looking your best and showing up as your best. You are honored when someone in your life has no need to compete with you but rather asks how he or she can collaborate with you.
I think you know when you are honored. I also think that you know when someone does not honor you. Staying in a relationship with someone who does not see you feel you and love you for you is a mistake to your spirit. It will kill it and truthfully you may not recover from it. It is best to know who you are with and how much they value you or simply accept the truth and move on.
Dedicated to Judy Titler and her daughter Cary.
The very fist thing to note in any relationship is whether the other person honors you. The way that this becomes evident is in their daily behaviors and in the fact that they are willing to be wrong rather than to win every battle. In fact there is so little room for competition in relationships and the reality is that if you think competitively then you surely need to be alone, not that there is anything wrong with that. Just that so many people want to be in relationships and are too lazy to do their work, even their own self-work. When someone is not willing to do the work it simply means that they do not deem you worthy nor do they respect and honor the relationship or you for that matter.
I like to think I can honor another person. I like to think that I honor my children and my friends because I make sure to respect their wishes and honor their needs. I also show up for them when they need me and they don't need to always ask me. After all if I love them I should be able to read them to some degree and know what they need from their father. That is what love is about. Yet many people do not get this basic premise about love and honoring those you allege to care about and love. Love really does require us to be proactive and to get to know the many moods and needs of the person we spend each day with, go to bed with and wake up with. Again, if you cannot do this then you should stay alone and not bother to waste your time or the valuable time of others.
I hear so many stories about men from women mostly. They tell me that their husbands are emotionally absent, have had an affair or just don't pull their weight at home. Many of these women complain that the thing their husband does best is go to their JOB. They don't wash clothes, they don't stay home with the children, they don't initiate a conversation that needs to be had, even after numerous threats on the marriage. As stupid as it seems many men would rather fight tooth and nail with their own spouse about something that needs to be done at home but would not go into their bosses office to ask for a raise, Men who are looking for excuses often times do as little as possible and when they see their spouse frustrated will point at them and elude to their being crazy or out of control. Unfortunately women stay with these men for much too long in hope that they will have an epiphany, but they don't.
So what is the point of all this discussion? Well, you have to know when you are honored and when you are not. You know when you are honored because you feel equal and you feel in love with the other person you are with. You are honored if you look at the person you are in relationship with and feel deep respect and love because they feel it towards you and they show you every day. You are honored when you feel sadness and your partner comes over to you and asks what he or she can do to help you out. You are honored when you are accepted for who you are and the person you are with loves every part of you, even the flaws parts. You are honored if you feel safe and when you cross your partners path you want to touch them or embrace them and they you. You are honored when you are thanked for looking your best and showing up as your best. You are honored when someone in your life has no need to compete with you but rather asks how he or she can collaborate with you.
I think you know when you are honored. I also think that you know when someone does not honor you. Staying in a relationship with someone who does not see you feel you and love you for you is a mistake to your spirit. It will kill it and truthfully you may not recover from it. It is best to know who you are with and how much they value you or simply accept the truth and move on.
Dedicated to Judy Titler and her daughter Cary.
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