To Your Enemies
What I have learned is that we don't need to do anything to get back at the people who have hurt us or we deem an enemy. Although it is easy to hate people who hate us the reality is that hating them only hurts us most of all. Here is what I think about handling him our feelings about people who have abused our emotions:
Forgive everyone for everything:
This comes directly from the book by Iyanla Vanzant I read. In order for us to live life fully and without letting what others did towards us is by forgiving them. We may need to make some very specific statements to that effect and we should do that. On the other hand we must also forgive ourselves because some of the residue from the abuse is because we feel as though we were deserving of it or we think we did something to make others do what they did to us. Forgiving ourselves should be the very first forgiving we do. Here are some forgiveness statements:
I forgive myself for judging my father as purposely trying to destroy my life.
I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy and believing that others were more important than me.
I forgive myself for believing that I was less than deserving of being treated with love by everyone.
Forgiving yourself and others is the most loving thing you can do to honor yourself. Understanding the importance of forgiveness will propel you forward and rise your spirit above the darkness you have experienced.
Don't look back:
Once you have achieved letting go of people who are not in your highest good don't ever look back. Don't think about it and don't allow it to take up room in your life. Let go of them in a way that is kind and compassionate and don't be tempted to judge them or talk about them any more. Not looking back means that you just don't own their behavior towards you and that you don't hate on them. Make your life into what you want it to be with the people who love you. Know that it was not your doing that created the mess but rather that now you understand it to be an unhealthy relationship for you. Without looking back look at your future and the new path you are on because of your experience with them.
Start healing your soul:
Start a journey of healing. Now that you know better take the time to find those hurt places inside of you and do everything you can to heal yourself. Remember that involving professional therapist may be a good idea for you while for some self-nurturing in the many forms you can create it will help you to heal. Healing is a process and only you know what will make the wounds less deep and fill in the emotional loss. It is not a crime to want to be happy ASAP but it is unrealistic to think you will just get over the abuse, the abandonment or the self-hating behavior on your own part. Asking yourself what you need on a daily basis and acting on it will help you to heal and become the person you were before the abuse.
Live, laugh, eat well:
I think that for me the saying "the best revenge is to look great" resonates. I will add that feeling great is as important as looking the part. Eating well and living a life that is less stressful is the best thing we can do after people have used us or better yet allowed ourselves to be used. We must be able to not just live but laugh a little, not taking ourselves as seriously as we may have in the past. Doing what we need to do to live a better life than ever is going to rise us up to the level we were before it all happened.
Take Responsibility:
The last thing is to just admit that you had something to do with what happened to you. You don't want to beat yourself up but you don't want to deny that you had a part in it. After all people don't go after people who are likely to stop them immediately. There was something in you that needed to be healed and was not that led that person to you. Take the experience and make it into a learned lesson. Understand that the next time you see the flags that you must say no, thanks and walk away early in the situation.
To my enemies I always say this:
" You intended to hurt me but God intended it all for good".
Coach Elliott
Forgive everyone for everything:
This comes directly from the book by Iyanla Vanzant I read. In order for us to live life fully and without letting what others did towards us is by forgiving them. We may need to make some very specific statements to that effect and we should do that. On the other hand we must also forgive ourselves because some of the residue from the abuse is because we feel as though we were deserving of it or we think we did something to make others do what they did to us. Forgiving ourselves should be the very first forgiving we do. Here are some forgiveness statements:
I forgive myself for judging my father as purposely trying to destroy my life.
I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy and believing that others were more important than me.
I forgive myself for believing that I was less than deserving of being treated with love by everyone.
Forgiving yourself and others is the most loving thing you can do to honor yourself. Understanding the importance of forgiveness will propel you forward and rise your spirit above the darkness you have experienced.
Don't look back:
Once you have achieved letting go of people who are not in your highest good don't ever look back. Don't think about it and don't allow it to take up room in your life. Let go of them in a way that is kind and compassionate and don't be tempted to judge them or talk about them any more. Not looking back means that you just don't own their behavior towards you and that you don't hate on them. Make your life into what you want it to be with the people who love you. Know that it was not your doing that created the mess but rather that now you understand it to be an unhealthy relationship for you. Without looking back look at your future and the new path you are on because of your experience with them.
Start healing your soul:
Start a journey of healing. Now that you know better take the time to find those hurt places inside of you and do everything you can to heal yourself. Remember that involving professional therapist may be a good idea for you while for some self-nurturing in the many forms you can create it will help you to heal. Healing is a process and only you know what will make the wounds less deep and fill in the emotional loss. It is not a crime to want to be happy ASAP but it is unrealistic to think you will just get over the abuse, the abandonment or the self-hating behavior on your own part. Asking yourself what you need on a daily basis and acting on it will help you to heal and become the person you were before the abuse.
Live, laugh, eat well:
I think that for me the saying "the best revenge is to look great" resonates. I will add that feeling great is as important as looking the part. Eating well and living a life that is less stressful is the best thing we can do after people have used us or better yet allowed ourselves to be used. We must be able to not just live but laugh a little, not taking ourselves as seriously as we may have in the past. Doing what we need to do to live a better life than ever is going to rise us up to the level we were before it all happened.
Take Responsibility:
The last thing is to just admit that you had something to do with what happened to you. You don't want to beat yourself up but you don't want to deny that you had a part in it. After all people don't go after people who are likely to stop them immediately. There was something in you that needed to be healed and was not that led that person to you. Take the experience and make it into a learned lesson. Understand that the next time you see the flags that you must say no, thanks and walk away early in the situation.
To my enemies I always say this:
" You intended to hurt me but God intended it all for good".
Coach Elliott
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