New Year Evolution
I hope that you have already noticed that I did not refer to or title this blog a "New Year's Resolution" but rather A New Year Evolution. This is of course is purposeful. I often tell my husband that I am a methodical Bi_ _ _ mostly because often times I have a purpose in mind and everything is planned to the level where it's ridiculously precise, sometimes too precise. In this case I am referring to the purpose of this blog as one that is premeditated and a message that resonates for me and I hope resonates for you as well. A new year revolution is about evolving, of course and that means change and a willingness to let go of the past, therefor living in the present. I want to add that as I write this I am listening to the new Rhianna CD one that I should be too old to listen to but I find not only provocative and sexy but in some ways profound because it is addressing what many of us would rather deny about our sexuality and our persona, but I regress. As you invite the new year in and let go of the old one (save the stuff that is good) I want to encourage you to focus on evolving.
When I think about change and evolving I think first about the plain caterpillar who turns into an elaborate and beautiful butterfly. The image for each of us is different and unique to our spirit. Think about what image that comes to mind that represents your evolution and memorize it, write it and think about it many times over. Tell yourself, "It is only a matter of time before I become the beautiful butterfly I was meant to be" and affirm it by stating: "I am a beautiful butterfly who is on a journey of love". After all, life is all about love. "We all want the same thing" as Rhianna's would sing. We all want to evolve and grow and be in a loving place. Before we get to that place of higher being we have to be able to visualize it and see it with some clarity of heart. Some days we may need to look in the mirror and say things like: OMG I am handsome or God did not make any mistake with me, amen". See that new person you are going to become and put an image behind it that is meaningful, strong and empowering. Remember that evolution can be painful and joyful, sometimes both. At times you may need to feel the pain to get to the joy.
Letting go of people in your life that you know are not aligned with your life goals is part of evolving and when you do this do it with compassion and love. I know it is tempting to simply stop calling them or taking their calls or emails but consider being honest and tender, sending the message that you are on this path that requires that you let go. Let those people know how much they served you and in what ways you always be grateful to them. Unfortunately these people might be family members. I recall one friend that I had to let go when after many years I noted how drained I was after having a conversation with her. I loved her and I still do but I had to let go after another long recanting of all the terrible things that have happened to her and how little she has done with her life and about her deep depression. Another friend was literally abusive with me and he would drink and call me names that were unpleasant. I realized that the reason I listened to all this offensive language was because I did not think so highly of myself and thought I did not deserve anything different, excusing him due to his addiction to alcohol. Today I say that I can spot an alcoholic from an airplane. I love people but if they are not willing to get help then it is time to move on. I had to learn that lesson many times over before I decided to let go. We must decide which of the people in our lives need to be released and simply let go. So ironic that as I write this Rhianna is singing, "Farewell someone is going to miss you". The message is that we are going to miss those people we decide to let go of but if we are to evolve we must be willing to do it for their good and ours. When we hold onto people who are not in a place of love, we end up enabling their behavior, hence we ultimately serve them by letting them go on the path of their choice as we go onto the path we know we need to take.
Take a kind inventory of yourself. Take the time to list the descriptors of each area of your life. In other words use adjectives that describe what your life looks like in the area of spirituality, health, relationships, finances, creative expression and emotional state of mind. You can use words like: terrible, satisfactory, awesome, critical, obscene, crazy, fuzzy or confusing. Once you have done this look back at your list and the words you used to describe each area of your life and then decide what you will do about it. This will require you to take some action in each area whether positive or negative. In the area where you may feel it is awesome and great you still want to continue to evolve and challenge yourself with positive actions that will continue to manifest change. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself and know that this is not about bashing yourself but about loving yourself enough to want to change what needs to be addressed.
Uncover the ways that you can serve and how it will benefit others who have less than you do. This is not about money although it is very nice to donate money to a cause you believe worthy. This is about giving your time and talent, love and compassion and volunteering to be of help. It is astonishing to me how much serving others helps us to be in touch with living and loving life. It not only keeps us in awareness and gratitude it keeps us in a spiritually healthy place.
How is that working for you? This is the question someone once asked me. I was immediately taken back by this question and had to face the fact that what I was doing was in fact not working for me. I ask myself that question when my mind goes to a place where I am missing my heart feelings and when I become very angry about something. What I learned is that whatever is not working for us that we do repeatedly we do so out of habit. Changing our habits, our thoughts or changing the way we do things changes our outcome.
Set boundaries in with others around you. Evolving means that you send others the message about what you find loving and kind and what you deem hurtful or not in service to you. Your boundaries may be about a relative who is always borrowing money and not paying you back or a neighbor who borrows your lawn mower and does not replace the gas in it. For some of us setting those limits is scary and requires us to speak up or say "NO". The most important boundaries are the ones that you set with yourself about how you treat yourself, spend your money or how you spend your time. It could even be about drinking or exposing yourself to dangerous driving habits. Whatever your own boundaries are make them ones that will help you to evolve into the new persona you know you can be.
Please forgive yourself and others then move on. I have had some truly challenging incidents lately and know that when I am in forgiveness I can walk straighter and think clearer. Forgive those people you feel have hurt you or have said something that has offended you. Do your best to forgive them with the knowing that they did the best they knew or learned to do. Forgive yourself for the mistakes or the things you perceive as mistakes. Say it out loud like this: "I forgive myself for believing that I was a bad person because I decided to give my baby up to adoption. The truth is that I did what I felt needed to be done for her good and mine" or "I forgive my mother for being verbally abusive to me when I was a child. The truth is that she did the best she learned to do". Do your best to uncover where in your life you need to apply some forgiveness and healing to and then proceed to give yourself the compassion that will help you to heal and go forward. Do this each time that you are in a place of judgement about others or yourself.
Create vision board with those things that represent your evolution in 2013. Use pictures and words that tell the story you want to create, the new one. Take the time to obtain the supplies you need like magazines and paste, maybe some stickers. Find words that you know are powerful for you and describe your new path. The best way to get to where you want to be is to solidly convince your unconscious mind that it is completely possible. The vision board affords you the chance to be playful and at the same time create a tool that you can go back to, post and look at for inspiration.
Start your own tribe. That comes from my sister who has reminded me that this is how she has gotten through the losses in her life and started an extended family. When you begin your search for a tribe be aware of the people around you and who you can cultivate as a friend and support person. Think about people who you would like to spend time with, get to know and begin a more intimate relationship with. Your tribe should consist of men and women who are capable of giving and receiving. Your tribe is a group of people who are present both emotionally and spiritually. Get the fears out of the way and take the risk of being rejected or finding out this is not in line with what your heart says you need.
Get your head out of your ass. I have a social worker friend who first said that about herself and since then I knew that if I was confused I needed to check where my head was at. The fact is that we have all had our heads there and needed to pull it out. Check in with yourself and if you need to get your head out of your butt you will know it. The beauty is that we can do this and that anyone can pull their brains out and be in a place of balance and clarity, but first we have to admit that our brain is there.
In what ways is your heart asking you to evolve? What is it in your life that needs to be changed or altered or nurtured? How can you be the best person that you can be? Take the time to think about this and write about this. Take the time to gift yourself with loving decisions and actions that will help you heal and grow. I would like to hear how you are evolving.
To be continued...
Elliott Collazo
Life Coach
When I think about change and evolving I think first about the plain caterpillar who turns into an elaborate and beautiful butterfly. The image for each of us is different and unique to our spirit. Think about what image that comes to mind that represents your evolution and memorize it, write it and think about it many times over. Tell yourself, "It is only a matter of time before I become the beautiful butterfly I was meant to be" and affirm it by stating: "I am a beautiful butterfly who is on a journey of love". After all, life is all about love. "We all want the same thing" as Rhianna's would sing. We all want to evolve and grow and be in a loving place. Before we get to that place of higher being we have to be able to visualize it and see it with some clarity of heart. Some days we may need to look in the mirror and say things like: OMG I am handsome or God did not make any mistake with me, amen". See that new person you are going to become and put an image behind it that is meaningful, strong and empowering. Remember that evolution can be painful and joyful, sometimes both. At times you may need to feel the pain to get to the joy.
Letting go of people in your life that you know are not aligned with your life goals is part of evolving and when you do this do it with compassion and love. I know it is tempting to simply stop calling them or taking their calls or emails but consider being honest and tender, sending the message that you are on this path that requires that you let go. Let those people know how much they served you and in what ways you always be grateful to them. Unfortunately these people might be family members. I recall one friend that I had to let go when after many years I noted how drained I was after having a conversation with her. I loved her and I still do but I had to let go after another long recanting of all the terrible things that have happened to her and how little she has done with her life and about her deep depression. Another friend was literally abusive with me and he would drink and call me names that were unpleasant. I realized that the reason I listened to all this offensive language was because I did not think so highly of myself and thought I did not deserve anything different, excusing him due to his addiction to alcohol. Today I say that I can spot an alcoholic from an airplane. I love people but if they are not willing to get help then it is time to move on. I had to learn that lesson many times over before I decided to let go. We must decide which of the people in our lives need to be released and simply let go. So ironic that as I write this Rhianna is singing, "Farewell someone is going to miss you". The message is that we are going to miss those people we decide to let go of but if we are to evolve we must be willing to do it for their good and ours. When we hold onto people who are not in a place of love, we end up enabling their behavior, hence we ultimately serve them by letting them go on the path of their choice as we go onto the path we know we need to take.
Take a kind inventory of yourself. Take the time to list the descriptors of each area of your life. In other words use adjectives that describe what your life looks like in the area of spirituality, health, relationships, finances, creative expression and emotional state of mind. You can use words like: terrible, satisfactory, awesome, critical, obscene, crazy, fuzzy or confusing. Once you have done this look back at your list and the words you used to describe each area of your life and then decide what you will do about it. This will require you to take some action in each area whether positive or negative. In the area where you may feel it is awesome and great you still want to continue to evolve and challenge yourself with positive actions that will continue to manifest change. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself and know that this is not about bashing yourself but about loving yourself enough to want to change what needs to be addressed.
Uncover the ways that you can serve and how it will benefit others who have less than you do. This is not about money although it is very nice to donate money to a cause you believe worthy. This is about giving your time and talent, love and compassion and volunteering to be of help. It is astonishing to me how much serving others helps us to be in touch with living and loving life. It not only keeps us in awareness and gratitude it keeps us in a spiritually healthy place.
How is that working for you? This is the question someone once asked me. I was immediately taken back by this question and had to face the fact that what I was doing was in fact not working for me. I ask myself that question when my mind goes to a place where I am missing my heart feelings and when I become very angry about something. What I learned is that whatever is not working for us that we do repeatedly we do so out of habit. Changing our habits, our thoughts or changing the way we do things changes our outcome.
Set boundaries in with others around you. Evolving means that you send others the message about what you find loving and kind and what you deem hurtful or not in service to you. Your boundaries may be about a relative who is always borrowing money and not paying you back or a neighbor who borrows your lawn mower and does not replace the gas in it. For some of us setting those limits is scary and requires us to speak up or say "NO". The most important boundaries are the ones that you set with yourself about how you treat yourself, spend your money or how you spend your time. It could even be about drinking or exposing yourself to dangerous driving habits. Whatever your own boundaries are make them ones that will help you to evolve into the new persona you know you can be.
Please forgive yourself and others then move on. I have had some truly challenging incidents lately and know that when I am in forgiveness I can walk straighter and think clearer. Forgive those people you feel have hurt you or have said something that has offended you. Do your best to forgive them with the knowing that they did the best they knew or learned to do. Forgive yourself for the mistakes or the things you perceive as mistakes. Say it out loud like this: "I forgive myself for believing that I was a bad person because I decided to give my baby up to adoption. The truth is that I did what I felt needed to be done for her good and mine" or "I forgive my mother for being verbally abusive to me when I was a child. The truth is that she did the best she learned to do". Do your best to uncover where in your life you need to apply some forgiveness and healing to and then proceed to give yourself the compassion that will help you to heal and go forward. Do this each time that you are in a place of judgement about others or yourself.
Create vision board with those things that represent your evolution in 2013. Use pictures and words that tell the story you want to create, the new one. Take the time to obtain the supplies you need like magazines and paste, maybe some stickers. Find words that you know are powerful for you and describe your new path. The best way to get to where you want to be is to solidly convince your unconscious mind that it is completely possible. The vision board affords you the chance to be playful and at the same time create a tool that you can go back to, post and look at for inspiration.
Start your own tribe. That comes from my sister who has reminded me that this is how she has gotten through the losses in her life and started an extended family. When you begin your search for a tribe be aware of the people around you and who you can cultivate as a friend and support person. Think about people who you would like to spend time with, get to know and begin a more intimate relationship with. Your tribe should consist of men and women who are capable of giving and receiving. Your tribe is a group of people who are present both emotionally and spiritually. Get the fears out of the way and take the risk of being rejected or finding out this is not in line with what your heart says you need.
Get your head out of your ass. I have a social worker friend who first said that about herself and since then I knew that if I was confused I needed to check where my head was at. The fact is that we have all had our heads there and needed to pull it out. Check in with yourself and if you need to get your head out of your butt you will know it. The beauty is that we can do this and that anyone can pull their brains out and be in a place of balance and clarity, but first we have to admit that our brain is there.
In what ways is your heart asking you to evolve? What is it in your life that needs to be changed or altered or nurtured? How can you be the best person that you can be? Take the time to think about this and write about this. Take the time to gift yourself with loving decisions and actions that will help you heal and grow. I would like to hear how you are evolving.
To be continued...
Elliott Collazo
Life Coach
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