Be Vulnerable Be You
We live in a world where we play different roles in different situations. We are one personality at work, another at home and yet another socially. How many people we are depends on need and although it can become difficult most of us are at least 2 personas we work with each day. In some of our roles we avoid vulnerability because we have been programmed to believe that this is being weak. Hence we hide our true feeling at the cost of becoming unhealthy and at times bringing on terminal illness that speaks to our inability to be in our truth. Still in our world we celebrate strength and we look down on weakness. We are so fearful of being vulnerable that we work long and hard to create an illusion that says:
She has it all together OR He is such a strong man OR She is always happy and never lets anything get her down. What we fail to see is that hiding the truth about how we feel has an emotional toll on us. For this reason alone we must consider being in our honestly and being vulnerable as a much more viable way to live a full and happy life.
A young man I know was working in a major company when he found out he had cancer and would need chemo treatments for five weeks. He thought long and hard about telling his boss at work, believing he could conceal it when he finally broke down and asked to speak to her. He did not expect her reaction as it was cold as ice and then she topped that off with: "don't tell anyone else" letting him know that what he deemed the right thing to do, being honest, was not her idea of the right thing to do. When this young man came to me he was determined never to be vulnerable again because of this response from a woman he'd thought would be compassionate and understanding. Not only did he not feel valued she later asked him if he would be better off not coming to work, knowing fully that he had very little sick days left. When other workers he revealed himself to offered to donate sick days to him she flatly said no when in fact she could of said yes. Yet today this same man has realized that his vulnerable heart was not the reason that someone responded so coldly but rather that her own inability to be vulnerable made her emotionally shut down. It was the only thing she knew how to do and he would witness that fact repeatedly over the next few months.
We must all understand that being vulnerable is being strong. We are empowered by honesty and the willingness to be in our integrity. We are empowered when we share of true feelings and we don't hold them in and become emotionally and physically ill from doing so. In fact being vulnerable brings us closer to those we love and those we admire and care for not to mention those momentary times when we share our truth with a complete stranger. I think that it is our willingness to open ourselves up that will heal us. Letting others know how you feel and what you are feeling honors them and honors you. It opens up the door to a completely different dialog between us. It asks us to be in a place of risk and of being OK with taking that chance, while withholding our deep feelings simply poison us and set us up for more lies and more disappointment.
When do we know we are being vulnerable? We know we are being vulnerable when we are honest about our feelings in a way that lets others know we are hurt, we are joyous, we are interested or we are in love. Becoming vulnerable is not hard, it just takes a little intention. Telling ourselves that we are not going to pad things we feel for someone else's comfort is one way of being in our integrity and being vulnerable. We must take that negative connotation away from how we see vulnerability and replace it with the notion that what is unnatural is not being in our hearts. By being in our heart we begin to see that we are vulnerable and that there is nothing to be afraid of. By being in our heads we negate feelings and we pretend everything is perfect when it is not. When we are in our heart we are in exactly the place we should be so that we live life in the moment and we allow ourselves to be seen for who we are, making it OK to be imperfect and human.
The next time that you are with someone you like make it a mission to share something about you that goes deeper than your profession or political views. Share something that you may fear sharing and that you believe you are holding back from this person. Tell him or her that you find them alluring or beautiful. Let someone know that when you are around them you have trouble finding the words to express how you feel about them. Share one of the emotional fears you have about relationship with them. Put yourself out there and do so with a sense of integrity and self-compassion. The more that you live in your truth and you share that with those you care about the more you will feel liberated. That is living life authentically.
Coach Elliott
She has it all together OR He is such a strong man OR She is always happy and never lets anything get her down. What we fail to see is that hiding the truth about how we feel has an emotional toll on us. For this reason alone we must consider being in our honestly and being vulnerable as a much more viable way to live a full and happy life.
A young man I know was working in a major company when he found out he had cancer and would need chemo treatments for five weeks. He thought long and hard about telling his boss at work, believing he could conceal it when he finally broke down and asked to speak to her. He did not expect her reaction as it was cold as ice and then she topped that off with: "don't tell anyone else" letting him know that what he deemed the right thing to do, being honest, was not her idea of the right thing to do. When this young man came to me he was determined never to be vulnerable again because of this response from a woman he'd thought would be compassionate and understanding. Not only did he not feel valued she later asked him if he would be better off not coming to work, knowing fully that he had very little sick days left. When other workers he revealed himself to offered to donate sick days to him she flatly said no when in fact she could of said yes. Yet today this same man has realized that his vulnerable heart was not the reason that someone responded so coldly but rather that her own inability to be vulnerable made her emotionally shut down. It was the only thing she knew how to do and he would witness that fact repeatedly over the next few months.
We must all understand that being vulnerable is being strong. We are empowered by honesty and the willingness to be in our integrity. We are empowered when we share of true feelings and we don't hold them in and become emotionally and physically ill from doing so. In fact being vulnerable brings us closer to those we love and those we admire and care for not to mention those momentary times when we share our truth with a complete stranger. I think that it is our willingness to open ourselves up that will heal us. Letting others know how you feel and what you are feeling honors them and honors you. It opens up the door to a completely different dialog between us. It asks us to be in a place of risk and of being OK with taking that chance, while withholding our deep feelings simply poison us and set us up for more lies and more disappointment.
When do we know we are being vulnerable? We know we are being vulnerable when we are honest about our feelings in a way that lets others know we are hurt, we are joyous, we are interested or we are in love. Becoming vulnerable is not hard, it just takes a little intention. Telling ourselves that we are not going to pad things we feel for someone else's comfort is one way of being in our integrity and being vulnerable. We must take that negative connotation away from how we see vulnerability and replace it with the notion that what is unnatural is not being in our hearts. By being in our heart we begin to see that we are vulnerable and that there is nothing to be afraid of. By being in our heads we negate feelings and we pretend everything is perfect when it is not. When we are in our heart we are in exactly the place we should be so that we live life in the moment and we allow ourselves to be seen for who we are, making it OK to be imperfect and human.
The next time that you are with someone you like make it a mission to share something about you that goes deeper than your profession or political views. Share something that you may fear sharing and that you believe you are holding back from this person. Tell him or her that you find them alluring or beautiful. Let someone know that when you are around them you have trouble finding the words to express how you feel about them. Share one of the emotional fears you have about relationship with them. Put yourself out there and do so with a sense of integrity and self-compassion. The more that you live in your truth and you share that with those you care about the more you will feel liberated. That is living life authentically.
Coach Elliott
Comments
Post a Comment