Element of Love # 2
The second element of love is:
Is willing and can clearly identify, see and support your talents and your dreams.
One of the most daring challenges for me has been to identify my talents, see them as worthy and create a dream around both. The other challenging part of it has been to love others enough to know see their talents and respect their dreams. The last part of this has been to have the one person I love and spend my life with identify my talents and respect them and see my dream as valuable and possibly one that resonates as truth. Someone who would support me dreams and someone who also acknowledges my talents. It is no wonder to me that some of my clients are asking to be acknowledged and loved enough by a partner that he or she would be their cheerleader and listen to their song.
The problem can arise when the person that we are with has an issue with their own self-worth or believe themselves to be better than us. I think the latter is likely more common in a world where the ego is running a muck. So many of us are not in a position to see our talents because they don't see their own or because what is important to them is only that which impacts them directly or gets them ahead. It is a kind of self-serving character defect of sorts where a person has been taught that supporting someones dreams will eventually lead that person to think themselves to big and maybe leave them. It is, like most lies that gather in our head, fear based.
Instead of seeing someone else's dreams and talents we move into a game of competition. In this game we do our best to one up the other person and feel threatened by their skills rather than to collaborate with them and go on a journey that resembles love. When we stop to think about it, supporting our partner's talents and dreams makes sense, given the fact that if that person is happy the relationship is more joyful. When we know our loved ones dreams we dance their dance and we participate as much as we can and are allowed to. When we love someone without any conditions their dreams don't drive our reaction or the way we respond to them, just that we love them enough to hold the light for them when they need it. We may be asked to not only hold that light but also to keep the dream alive.
We love co-dependent relationships. Someone is always in control. One or the other person feels powerful and thinks that the other person needs them. For some this is a dynamic that feels good and safe. If I make him dependent on me then he won't leave me, is the thinking behind this addictive behavior. In some cases when an alcoholic becomes sober the spouse reacts with envy and fear because maybe the next thing that person will decide to do is, leave. That recovered alcoholic may become successful, move to New York and help others recover and this would be devastating. By not supporting that person's dreams we can keep them dependent on us. By not acknowledging his or her talents we can maintain a false sense of security and a false belief that we are in control.
When we dare to know and support some one's dreams and talents we begin a path that says we are united and where we partner with another person to develop a dream that includes everyone. It is easier to do this with our children because when we support their dreams they are much less likely to end their relationship and take back their love from us. When we dare to be some one's cheerleader we set up an energy in which both parties can flourish.
I dare each of you to sit with your partner and talk about your biggest dreams. Give them details about your dreams. Then ask them to please tell you what they see as your talents and base it on what you have shared with them in the past. Allow your partner to shower you with loving thoughts about how talented and valuable those talents are. Afterwards ask your partner to share his or her dreams with you and you end it with sharing what you think his or her talents are. Summarize this with each of you sharing what you would like the other to know more about your dreams and talents that may not have been talked about or uncovered. Take some of those elements of the dialog you had and make a poster that includes pictures and words that depicts both your dreams. Write one statement that is aligned with the intention to support each other's dreams and talents as well as to name them at least once a week. Do this without ego and without fear. Know in your heart that this exercise will make your relationship stronger and that it is vital that you are both clear about those wonderful, magical and loving dreams. Enjoy!
Coach Elliott
Is willing and can clearly identify, see and support your talents and your dreams.
One of the most daring challenges for me has been to identify my talents, see them as worthy and create a dream around both. The other challenging part of it has been to love others enough to know see their talents and respect their dreams. The last part of this has been to have the one person I love and spend my life with identify my talents and respect them and see my dream as valuable and possibly one that resonates as truth. Someone who would support me dreams and someone who also acknowledges my talents. It is no wonder to me that some of my clients are asking to be acknowledged and loved enough by a partner that he or she would be their cheerleader and listen to their song.
The problem can arise when the person that we are with has an issue with their own self-worth or believe themselves to be better than us. I think the latter is likely more common in a world where the ego is running a muck. So many of us are not in a position to see our talents because they don't see their own or because what is important to them is only that which impacts them directly or gets them ahead. It is a kind of self-serving character defect of sorts where a person has been taught that supporting someones dreams will eventually lead that person to think themselves to big and maybe leave them. It is, like most lies that gather in our head, fear based.
Instead of seeing someone else's dreams and talents we move into a game of competition. In this game we do our best to one up the other person and feel threatened by their skills rather than to collaborate with them and go on a journey that resembles love. When we stop to think about it, supporting our partner's talents and dreams makes sense, given the fact that if that person is happy the relationship is more joyful. When we know our loved ones dreams we dance their dance and we participate as much as we can and are allowed to. When we love someone without any conditions their dreams don't drive our reaction or the way we respond to them, just that we love them enough to hold the light for them when they need it. We may be asked to not only hold that light but also to keep the dream alive.
We love co-dependent relationships. Someone is always in control. One or the other person feels powerful and thinks that the other person needs them. For some this is a dynamic that feels good and safe. If I make him dependent on me then he won't leave me, is the thinking behind this addictive behavior. In some cases when an alcoholic becomes sober the spouse reacts with envy and fear because maybe the next thing that person will decide to do is, leave. That recovered alcoholic may become successful, move to New York and help others recover and this would be devastating. By not supporting that person's dreams we can keep them dependent on us. By not acknowledging his or her talents we can maintain a false sense of security and a false belief that we are in control.
When we dare to know and support some one's dreams and talents we begin a path that says we are united and where we partner with another person to develop a dream that includes everyone. It is easier to do this with our children because when we support their dreams they are much less likely to end their relationship and take back their love from us. When we dare to be some one's cheerleader we set up an energy in which both parties can flourish.
I dare each of you to sit with your partner and talk about your biggest dreams. Give them details about your dreams. Then ask them to please tell you what they see as your talents and base it on what you have shared with them in the past. Allow your partner to shower you with loving thoughts about how talented and valuable those talents are. Afterwards ask your partner to share his or her dreams with you and you end it with sharing what you think his or her talents are. Summarize this with each of you sharing what you would like the other to know more about your dreams and talents that may not have been talked about or uncovered. Take some of those elements of the dialog you had and make a poster that includes pictures and words that depicts both your dreams. Write one statement that is aligned with the intention to support each other's dreams and talents as well as to name them at least once a week. Do this without ego and without fear. Know in your heart that this exercise will make your relationship stronger and that it is vital that you are both clear about those wonderful, magical and loving dreams. Enjoy!
Coach Elliott
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