When Do You Run?
After many years of being with someone we become accustomed to that familiarity. We even stay in spite of the fact that we may be in it for all the wrong reasons and when we are treated poorly and with little respect. But how do we get out of these situations and when do we know to take that exit:
1. The moment that you are disrespected in any way by someone who alleges they love you or anyone they know or are related to it is time to exit. It is not going to get any better and the only thing that can come out of a lack of respect is self-abuse and a lowering of our self-esteem. It is never a good sign when someone makes fun of you in ways that feel hurtful or like digs, couched as a joke. Jokes should not begin with you as the brunt of the joke. Stay clear of any person who begins by putting you down or criticizing you soon into the relationship. It is a sign of things to come.
2. When you figure out someone seems emotionally absent or lacks emotion that is truly the time to take a hike. It would be likely more fun if you actually took a hike in Mexico rather than to stay in the relationship. Any lack of emotion or compassion for others is a sign to go running in the other direction away from a person who cannot feel their emotions or who critical of your true emotions.
3. Life dummies. I love life dummies because they are the ones who cannot clean a home or do laundry because they were pampered to such a degree that they did not learn to do life smart things like iron a shirt or wash a floor. Life dummies are rampant and the truth is that you will be stuck doing the dirty work all the time. Life dummies rarely change and the evidence is in their home. Make sure to see someones home early in the situation and if it is dirty and unkempt run, run, run.
4. Verbal abuse is subtle at first. It grows over long lengths of time. It grows so slowly that before you know it it is truly horrid. Verbally abusive people start with critical comments and making you wrung in front of others. A person who is abusive does not ever apologize or take responsibility for hurting you. Verbal abuse comes in many ways that some would not call abuse but makes you feel belittled, hence it does not matter what others think bur rather how you know deep inside you feel. Competitive people find ways to put you down by beating you at games or saying things like: "You are oversensitive". All the while they are directly and indirectly putting you down. Abusive people think it is amusing to make you feel hurt or inferior, usually because they feel jealous of you or intimidated. When somone starts to look and feel abusive it is truly time to move on quickly.
5. Possessive people are ones who are jealous as well. They want to make sure that you don't go to far and control lots of what you do. When possessive people make a decision to control you they do everything they can to make sure they are keeping close tabs on where you are at all times. Usually this is coupled with insecurity and goes together with the put downs and verbal bullying. Possessive people feel like they own their children as well. They are use to being in control and when things don't go as they deem it they shut down and emotionally abuse you. They shut you out in an effort o continue to control you by taking love and attention away.
If you care about yourself you must pay close attention to people you are dating. I remember going on my first date with a person I eventually married. Everything was planned by him to the letter. He showed up in an outfit that did not fit well and he appeared unkept. It did not seem as though he made any effort to look smart or neat. After we had dinner he took me to a very crowed place that was at best OK for ice cream and in an effor to impress me he stated: "I am going to take you to an inconic place for dessert". I responded with the name of the place. He seemed to be shocked and in that moment I thought. "Is this guy for real?" It was a little insulting to me that he would think I did not know of this famous ice cream place which again I always found to be just OK. Afther that he shared that his birthday was a national holiday and when I bought him a gift he brutally stated that the shoes looked like his grandfathers slippers. They were Italian slip ons in a beautiful tan coloration. I returned the shoes and while I was at it I returned them for a black pair of the same shoe for myself. I took him back to the store and he picked a pair of ugly shoes that I deemed looked more old man like than the ones I'd bought him. I kept my mouth shut and then he started to wear the black verson of the shoes I gave him that were mine until he copletely ruined them. Those were all the signs I had receive early on until a year later I saw his condo and when I walked down the stairs to get in my foot went through the stair. It was in such a horrid state I thought I'd walked into Freddy Crugars nightmare.
Ignoring all the signs does not pay off. IN fact we get the signs very early in relaitonships and we ignore them. Paying close attention is key and if we do we will always know the early signs and exit before it gets serious. Many times we do not undertand the damage we do when we stay in abusive sitautions that are not aligned with our highest good. THe key is getting out early and being honest with yourself about what you are seeing and feeling. Loving someone is not enough if they are different from you and bahave in ways that seem odd to you. Listen to your senses and especially tap into your sixth sense.
1. The moment that you are disrespected in any way by someone who alleges they love you or anyone they know or are related to it is time to exit. It is not going to get any better and the only thing that can come out of a lack of respect is self-abuse and a lowering of our self-esteem. It is never a good sign when someone makes fun of you in ways that feel hurtful or like digs, couched as a joke. Jokes should not begin with you as the brunt of the joke. Stay clear of any person who begins by putting you down or criticizing you soon into the relationship. It is a sign of things to come.
2. When you figure out someone seems emotionally absent or lacks emotion that is truly the time to take a hike. It would be likely more fun if you actually took a hike in Mexico rather than to stay in the relationship. Any lack of emotion or compassion for others is a sign to go running in the other direction away from a person who cannot feel their emotions or who critical of your true emotions.
3. Life dummies. I love life dummies because they are the ones who cannot clean a home or do laundry because they were pampered to such a degree that they did not learn to do life smart things like iron a shirt or wash a floor. Life dummies are rampant and the truth is that you will be stuck doing the dirty work all the time. Life dummies rarely change and the evidence is in their home. Make sure to see someones home early in the situation and if it is dirty and unkempt run, run, run.
4. Verbal abuse is subtle at first. It grows over long lengths of time. It grows so slowly that before you know it it is truly horrid. Verbally abusive people start with critical comments and making you wrung in front of others. A person who is abusive does not ever apologize or take responsibility for hurting you. Verbal abuse comes in many ways that some would not call abuse but makes you feel belittled, hence it does not matter what others think bur rather how you know deep inside you feel. Competitive people find ways to put you down by beating you at games or saying things like: "You are oversensitive". All the while they are directly and indirectly putting you down. Abusive people think it is amusing to make you feel hurt or inferior, usually because they feel jealous of you or intimidated. When somone starts to look and feel abusive it is truly time to move on quickly.
5. Possessive people are ones who are jealous as well. They want to make sure that you don't go to far and control lots of what you do. When possessive people make a decision to control you they do everything they can to make sure they are keeping close tabs on where you are at all times. Usually this is coupled with insecurity and goes together with the put downs and verbal bullying. Possessive people feel like they own their children as well. They are use to being in control and when things don't go as they deem it they shut down and emotionally abuse you. They shut you out in an effort o continue to control you by taking love and attention away.
If you care about yourself you must pay close attention to people you are dating. I remember going on my first date with a person I eventually married. Everything was planned by him to the letter. He showed up in an outfit that did not fit well and he appeared unkept. It did not seem as though he made any effort to look smart or neat. After we had dinner he took me to a very crowed place that was at best OK for ice cream and in an effor to impress me he stated: "I am going to take you to an inconic place for dessert". I responded with the name of the place. He seemed to be shocked and in that moment I thought. "Is this guy for real?" It was a little insulting to me that he would think I did not know of this famous ice cream place which again I always found to be just OK. Afther that he shared that his birthday was a national holiday and when I bought him a gift he brutally stated that the shoes looked like his grandfathers slippers. They were Italian slip ons in a beautiful tan coloration. I returned the shoes and while I was at it I returned them for a black pair of the same shoe for myself. I took him back to the store and he picked a pair of ugly shoes that I deemed looked more old man like than the ones I'd bought him. I kept my mouth shut and then he started to wear the black verson of the shoes I gave him that were mine until he copletely ruined them. Those were all the signs I had receive early on until a year later I saw his condo and when I walked down the stairs to get in my foot went through the stair. It was in such a horrid state I thought I'd walked into Freddy Crugars nightmare.
Ignoring all the signs does not pay off. IN fact we get the signs very early in relaitonships and we ignore them. Paying close attention is key and if we do we will always know the early signs and exit before it gets serious. Many times we do not undertand the damage we do when we stay in abusive sitautions that are not aligned with our highest good. THe key is getting out early and being honest with yourself about what you are seeing and feeling. Loving someone is not enough if they are different from you and bahave in ways that seem odd to you. Listen to your senses and especially tap into your sixth sense.
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