Say Your Sorry
If I look back at my life as a child in school I recall teachers asking us to "say your sorry". It was to me at that time an embarrassing experience and admitting I was wrong was humiliating. I wished for a private place to apologize for what I'd done and when it was a classmate I felt embarrassed and sad for them. Yet there is something healing about aplogizing to others for what we have said or done that has hurt someone else.
I was talking to a young lady who shared that when she was younger she did not get along well with her mother. She went on to say that it was not until her mother apolgized to her that she began to have a friendship with her. It was that simple apolgoy that turned a relaitonhip between a mother and her daughter that turned things around.
I recall my own upbringing and how my own mother and I could not see eye to eye. Even to this day she is astranged and we rarely speak. Months go by and we don't exchange a word. The past experiences have not been completely healed but I am over the anger. I feel like I love my mother yet I admit that I have wished for many years that she would apologize to me. I do not expect her to say she is sorry. In fact I doubt very much that she will utter these words. Yet indeed I have thought many times that if she would only admit to her wrong doings and apologize to me things would be better between us. Still in my heart I know that waiting for that day is not in my highest good and that forgiving her cannot be contingent on her apology.
Today I am the parent and in my mind I sometimes think about whether I have apolgoized to my daughters often enough for all the mistakes I made and for at times being selfish and not giving it my best as a dad. Both of them seem to be clear in their love for me and both treat me with love and compassion, yet there seems to be something unsaid that perhaps we all need to air out. Not like dirty laundry bur rather what is hurting inside in a way that is loving and kind. Perhaps it is time to look at my own situation and to determine what needs to be said and done to heal any parts that are hurt inside my children whom I love so much.
A good friend just announced that she has been diagnosed with cancer. I remember my heart sinking in that moment and all I could think of was how sorry I felt for her, even though the last thing she said she wanted is pity. I felt such compassion and sadness inside of me and I expressed how much I love her and that she call on me if she needed me.
I recall a daily animation with a couple in the newspaper that once said in the caption: "love means never having to say your sorry". There is a fantasy like part of me that wants to say that this is true but then there is the reality that I feel that apologies are sometimes healing and that there are times when we should apologize. Love does not mean never saying we are sorry. I feel like this is the most profound yet silly statement to make. After all in some ways I lived my life exactly as though love meant I did not have to say I was sorry. Now, today I feel a little differently. Now that have been hurt without regard for my feelings and I am guilty of the same.
I was talking to a young lady who shared that when she was younger she did not get along well with her mother. She went on to say that it was not until her mother apolgized to her that she began to have a friendship with her. It was that simple apolgoy that turned a relaitonhip between a mother and her daughter that turned things around.
I recall my own upbringing and how my own mother and I could not see eye to eye. Even to this day she is astranged and we rarely speak. Months go by and we don't exchange a word. The past experiences have not been completely healed but I am over the anger. I feel like I love my mother yet I admit that I have wished for many years that she would apologize to me. I do not expect her to say she is sorry. In fact I doubt very much that she will utter these words. Yet indeed I have thought many times that if she would only admit to her wrong doings and apologize to me things would be better between us. Still in my heart I know that waiting for that day is not in my highest good and that forgiving her cannot be contingent on her apology.
Today I am the parent and in my mind I sometimes think about whether I have apolgoized to my daughters often enough for all the mistakes I made and for at times being selfish and not giving it my best as a dad. Both of them seem to be clear in their love for me and both treat me with love and compassion, yet there seems to be something unsaid that perhaps we all need to air out. Not like dirty laundry bur rather what is hurting inside in a way that is loving and kind. Perhaps it is time to look at my own situation and to determine what needs to be said and done to heal any parts that are hurt inside my children whom I love so much.
A good friend just announced that she has been diagnosed with cancer. I remember my heart sinking in that moment and all I could think of was how sorry I felt for her, even though the last thing she said she wanted is pity. I felt such compassion and sadness inside of me and I expressed how much I love her and that she call on me if she needed me.
I recall a daily animation with a couple in the newspaper that once said in the caption: "love means never having to say your sorry". There is a fantasy like part of me that wants to say that this is true but then there is the reality that I feel that apologies are sometimes healing and that there are times when we should apologize. Love does not mean never saying we are sorry. I feel like this is the most profound yet silly statement to make. After all in some ways I lived my life exactly as though love meant I did not have to say I was sorry. Now, today I feel a little differently. Now that have been hurt without regard for my feelings and I am guilty of the same.
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