Bringing Relationship In
For those of you out there that are single and happy this BLOG is not for you. The truth is that relationships are work and some of us are better off single and happy. There is nothing wrong with being single at any age and when relationship calls to you then that is when you may want to look back at this BLOG and ponder my not so wise and simplistic wisdom. This of course is shared with the thought that I have a lot of my own relationship work to do so please hear that. We in marriage and love have ongoing work to do but then again that is a BLOG in itself.
If you have decided to be in relationship the first person that you want to ask out on a date is YOU. The first person you want to hold into the light is YOU and the first person you want to start to give a lot of love to is, yes you guessed it right, YOU. In order to be in relationship with anyone else you have to get truly and intimately acquainted with yourself: spiritually, physically, emotionally, creatively and financially. Taking an inventory of what needs attention in your life is step one and it needs to be focused on each of the areas of your life. Ask yourself: "What is a sentence that describes where I am at spiritually, emotionally, physically, creatively and financially?" Make it a short sentence and go ahead and be brutally honest about it. It may sound like this: "I am a freaking financial disaster and a shopaholic". Then begin your journey to transformation, healing and action in each area with only one step at a time, being compassionate and understanding about it yet tough self-love.
If you are sure you want to be in relationship and you are relatively sure about being ready to bring relationship in then write a living vision around it. Write it in the present tense of your life and it may begin with: I am with my husband dancing at our favorite club in Soho. He is so light on his feet and such a handsome, loving and kind soul. I am deeply in love with him and I can feel his love coming back to me. I feel in harmony with him and love being with him. He is an independent and responsible person who has a kind spirit and loves children. As we walk back to our table he gently places his hand on my upper back and what I feel is an energy of pure joy inside of me. I cannot help but recall the day we met... Make it really feel as though you are in the moment. A living vision is a lot like visualization but it is in the present moment and in writing. Use colorful language and focus it on what you visualize in a person who you want to be with and whom you can share your already exciting and complete life with.
See yourself as whole and complete now, without anyone else in your life. Don't expect to be completed by someone in your life because the truth is that this is a myth about relationship. It may be true that there are times when this man or woman will be of service to you and for you but you must always be complete even if you were not with this person. Being complete does not require that you be in a relationship but rather being in a relationship is an addition to an already wonderful life. The reason that you want to be in relationship is to share things with someone you love and to enjoy life together. The reason can and should be that you and this man or woman will share adventures together and laugh, sing and dance together. At times this will feel like completion and that is perfectly fine as long as it is not the expectation all the time and as long as it is not the reason that you get in a relationship. Feeling whole and being whole requires that you are doing your work, having your life, enjoying some of your own fun times and being OK with being alone.
List what you require in a mate, lover, wife, partner or husband. Your list should not be more than 12 items and make them ones that count. Your list may include physical, emotional, financial, creative and spiritual parts. It is OK to ask for a handsome man or a beautiful woman. It is realistic to want the person to be financially independent and believe in God. Whatever your criteria is make it more about the inside than the outside of a person. Oh yes, and it is OK to want him or her to present themselves with pride and dress well. Nothing is taboo on your list but make it about the most important aspects to start out. Once you have your 12 items place them in an attractive box where you can read the list whenever you like, daily would be good.
Open your heart up. Wherever you go and whatever you are doing open your heart up to those you interact with. You may be feeling sad or lonely but everyone around you does not need to know that. Behave in a way that will attract experiences and practice your way. Smile at others and say hello as you pass by people. Be as cheerful and connected as you possibly can as often as you can. Invite that energy of joy into your love space and it will be magical, resulting in more possibilities. Take that guard down and reflect body and facial language that says: "yes I am willing to be open to friendship".
Please have a ninety day rule. Don't have sex for at least ninety days. Get to know someone before you give them that intimate and personal space in your heart and body. Get to know a person before you decide to share the most personal of actions with him or her. Uncover other ways to be intimate and be creative about it and be specific about what you will and will not do. Be intentional around intimacy and share your intention with that person you are dating or as they say "seeing". If you are not ready for that kiss be honest and say so. If you want a kiss ask and let the other person know that there is only that intention for now. I would recommend hugging a lot, feeling the warmth of someones body without making it about sex. I think that women especially appreciate this type of affection, a tender start to a relationship. No matter how you feel about sex and sexuality there should be boundaries and clear messages around this important part of relationship. In summary, there needs to be respect before there can be real relationship.
Ask yourself what it is that is blocking your energy and what it is that is blocking you from relationship? How do you show up in friendship? How do you show up in family? How do you show up at parties? How do you show up at work? What are the things that you know are blocking your current relationships with others including strangers? Make a mental list of what you know about you and relationship. What are the things that you are repeating that are not working for you? Having sex with someone on a first encounter may be fun but is it bringing you a good vibration and is it going to manifest into love? Has it unfolded into love? Usually not, let's be really honest. What are the actions in your life around other relationships? Do you nurture relationship and do you accept people who are treating you poorly? Do you give to a fault and accept that others don't give back? Make that list and take an honest look at how you show up in relationship.
I will share my story about my own four year dysfunctional relationships with a man we will call Harry. Harry and I met in a bar when he approached me and said everything one would like to hear. He told me he'd been looking at me since the last time he saw me there. I was completely sober since I really have never drank liquor that much so I cannot say that I was under the influence. Next thing I know we are making out in a corner of the room and I must say he kissed me great. Shortly after we met we had sex and it was incredible and fun. For four years we would call each other and meet up for sex. We never so much as had one dinner or viewed a movie together or took a walk. We simply met up and had a good time. During that time I would meet men but it would never work out. In fact, most of the men I would meet redefined crazy although some were quite handsome and drove nice cars, even had lucrative jobs. One of them even had a second home in Michigan where he would place fragrant lilacs all about the home. I had to wake up from this dream one day and as God would have it, I did. I realized that as long as I continued to accept this false form of relationship I would block my divine love, whoever he was out there. I knew in my soul that I had to let go of the parts of me that was attached to this handsome, sexy, virile man and open the energy up for someone who I could truly be with and share my life with. I started a journey of self-healing and I specifically read books that were about self-love. I joined an open congregation and did some volunteer work. I let him know that I was complete and that I no longer wanted to continue to be involved with him. I was honest with myself and with him and started a path of self-forgiveness and of self-worthiness. I opened up the door to true love and met my now partner who is a wonderful man and has been a great partner in life. A person who allows me to go and enjoy what I love to do without impeding me or restricting me. What happened in my life is that I discovered that in order to bring love in I had to let go of anything that was not loving and focus on my own healing, mending and creativity. I uncovered that the truth about relationship and love is that it starts at home and that home is in your heart, mind and soul.
As you decide to become more of who you are you will see how this automatically prepares you for whatever comes your way. It may not be relationship that you want most in your life. You may discover that being in love with yourself is more important right now. Take yourself out to a movie. Buy yourself flowers. I love Casablanca's! Take yourself to a movie with some popcorn and chocolate raisins. Take a dance class at your local park district. Volunteer at a senior home in your community. Take a yoga class and start meditating. Read loving texts. Journal your thoughts. Buy a nice outfit and take yourself out to dance. Cultivate your relationships with family and friends. Practice being nice to YOU. Practice being nice to strangers. Live a little and you will see that the rest will happen automatically. Do your work and you will find that love will appear whether you are purposeful and get on a dating website or you just smile and invite it in. In the meantime live YOUR life FULLY and COMPLETELY.
If you have decided to be in relationship the first person that you want to ask out on a date is YOU. The first person you want to hold into the light is YOU and the first person you want to start to give a lot of love to is, yes you guessed it right, YOU. In order to be in relationship with anyone else you have to get truly and intimately acquainted with yourself: spiritually, physically, emotionally, creatively and financially. Taking an inventory of what needs attention in your life is step one and it needs to be focused on each of the areas of your life. Ask yourself: "What is a sentence that describes where I am at spiritually, emotionally, physically, creatively and financially?" Make it a short sentence and go ahead and be brutally honest about it. It may sound like this: "I am a freaking financial disaster and a shopaholic". Then begin your journey to transformation, healing and action in each area with only one step at a time, being compassionate and understanding about it yet tough self-love.
If you are sure you want to be in relationship and you are relatively sure about being ready to bring relationship in then write a living vision around it. Write it in the present tense of your life and it may begin with: I am with my husband dancing at our favorite club in Soho. He is so light on his feet and such a handsome, loving and kind soul. I am deeply in love with him and I can feel his love coming back to me. I feel in harmony with him and love being with him. He is an independent and responsible person who has a kind spirit and loves children. As we walk back to our table he gently places his hand on my upper back and what I feel is an energy of pure joy inside of me. I cannot help but recall the day we met... Make it really feel as though you are in the moment. A living vision is a lot like visualization but it is in the present moment and in writing. Use colorful language and focus it on what you visualize in a person who you want to be with and whom you can share your already exciting and complete life with.
See yourself as whole and complete now, without anyone else in your life. Don't expect to be completed by someone in your life because the truth is that this is a myth about relationship. It may be true that there are times when this man or woman will be of service to you and for you but you must always be complete even if you were not with this person. Being complete does not require that you be in a relationship but rather being in a relationship is an addition to an already wonderful life. The reason that you want to be in relationship is to share things with someone you love and to enjoy life together. The reason can and should be that you and this man or woman will share adventures together and laugh, sing and dance together. At times this will feel like completion and that is perfectly fine as long as it is not the expectation all the time and as long as it is not the reason that you get in a relationship. Feeling whole and being whole requires that you are doing your work, having your life, enjoying some of your own fun times and being OK with being alone.
List what you require in a mate, lover, wife, partner or husband. Your list should not be more than 12 items and make them ones that count. Your list may include physical, emotional, financial, creative and spiritual parts. It is OK to ask for a handsome man or a beautiful woman. It is realistic to want the person to be financially independent and believe in God. Whatever your criteria is make it more about the inside than the outside of a person. Oh yes, and it is OK to want him or her to present themselves with pride and dress well. Nothing is taboo on your list but make it about the most important aspects to start out. Once you have your 12 items place them in an attractive box where you can read the list whenever you like, daily would be good.
Open your heart up. Wherever you go and whatever you are doing open your heart up to those you interact with. You may be feeling sad or lonely but everyone around you does not need to know that. Behave in a way that will attract experiences and practice your way. Smile at others and say hello as you pass by people. Be as cheerful and connected as you possibly can as often as you can. Invite that energy of joy into your love space and it will be magical, resulting in more possibilities. Take that guard down and reflect body and facial language that says: "yes I am willing to be open to friendship".
Please have a ninety day rule. Don't have sex for at least ninety days. Get to know someone before you give them that intimate and personal space in your heart and body. Get to know a person before you decide to share the most personal of actions with him or her. Uncover other ways to be intimate and be creative about it and be specific about what you will and will not do. Be intentional around intimacy and share your intention with that person you are dating or as they say "seeing". If you are not ready for that kiss be honest and say so. If you want a kiss ask and let the other person know that there is only that intention for now. I would recommend hugging a lot, feeling the warmth of someones body without making it about sex. I think that women especially appreciate this type of affection, a tender start to a relationship. No matter how you feel about sex and sexuality there should be boundaries and clear messages around this important part of relationship. In summary, there needs to be respect before there can be real relationship.
Ask yourself what it is that is blocking your energy and what it is that is blocking you from relationship? How do you show up in friendship? How do you show up in family? How do you show up at parties? How do you show up at work? What are the things that you know are blocking your current relationships with others including strangers? Make a mental list of what you know about you and relationship. What are the things that you are repeating that are not working for you? Having sex with someone on a first encounter may be fun but is it bringing you a good vibration and is it going to manifest into love? Has it unfolded into love? Usually not, let's be really honest. What are the actions in your life around other relationships? Do you nurture relationship and do you accept people who are treating you poorly? Do you give to a fault and accept that others don't give back? Make that list and take an honest look at how you show up in relationship.
I will share my story about my own four year dysfunctional relationships with a man we will call Harry. Harry and I met in a bar when he approached me and said everything one would like to hear. He told me he'd been looking at me since the last time he saw me there. I was completely sober since I really have never drank liquor that much so I cannot say that I was under the influence. Next thing I know we are making out in a corner of the room and I must say he kissed me great. Shortly after we met we had sex and it was incredible and fun. For four years we would call each other and meet up for sex. We never so much as had one dinner or viewed a movie together or took a walk. We simply met up and had a good time. During that time I would meet men but it would never work out. In fact, most of the men I would meet redefined crazy although some were quite handsome and drove nice cars, even had lucrative jobs. One of them even had a second home in Michigan where he would place fragrant lilacs all about the home. I had to wake up from this dream one day and as God would have it, I did. I realized that as long as I continued to accept this false form of relationship I would block my divine love, whoever he was out there. I knew in my soul that I had to let go of the parts of me that was attached to this handsome, sexy, virile man and open the energy up for someone who I could truly be with and share my life with. I started a journey of self-healing and I specifically read books that were about self-love. I joined an open congregation and did some volunteer work. I let him know that I was complete and that I no longer wanted to continue to be involved with him. I was honest with myself and with him and started a path of self-forgiveness and of self-worthiness. I opened up the door to true love and met my now partner who is a wonderful man and has been a great partner in life. A person who allows me to go and enjoy what I love to do without impeding me or restricting me. What happened in my life is that I discovered that in order to bring love in I had to let go of anything that was not loving and focus on my own healing, mending and creativity. I uncovered that the truth about relationship and love is that it starts at home and that home is in your heart, mind and soul.
As you decide to become more of who you are you will see how this automatically prepares you for whatever comes your way. It may not be relationship that you want most in your life. You may discover that being in love with yourself is more important right now. Take yourself out to a movie. Buy yourself flowers. I love Casablanca's! Take yourself to a movie with some popcorn and chocolate raisins. Take a dance class at your local park district. Volunteer at a senior home in your community. Take a yoga class and start meditating. Read loving texts. Journal your thoughts. Buy a nice outfit and take yourself out to dance. Cultivate your relationships with family and friends. Practice being nice to YOU. Practice being nice to strangers. Live a little and you will see that the rest will happen automatically. Do your work and you will find that love will appear whether you are purposeful and get on a dating website or you just smile and invite it in. In the meantime live YOUR life FULLY and COMPLETELY.
I love this. I too feel very much in agreement with the order of love being YOU first. God works in divine ways when we trust him to show us how to radiate love from the inside out. Great blog.
ReplyDeleteRelationship with oneself is the foundation to relationship with others. Love this message! Thank you!
ReplyDelete