Delete Complete
It's no secret that I have deleted some Facebook and phone contacts recently, in fact I have made public announcements about it. I think in the beginning it may have been about me venting, needing to let go of the hurt, resentments or anger and I am so OK with that. I feel like my saying it out loud has been helpful and maybe even helped others who responded by telling me that they too deleted some toxic folks. For me it all ended in this one thought: Letting go of the things and people who are not serving me and moving into a new place in my life with a willingness to open another chapter, that chapter including some new friends. And finally just blessing the old acquaintances or people I thought were my friends.
The reason that I finally deleted people was not about them so much about me and setting my own boundaries. I have a history of reaching out to folks who rarely if ever reach back to me, especially with the zest and love that I attempt to give. After a while it just started to weigh on my spirit and it felt like I was dishonoring Elliott. It was a hard decision but it felt like one I had to make. Hopefully I won't die soon because the tendency for people is to make it about death or about some poor mental state. Ironically I have never been so clear in my life and after years of reaching out to the same people with little to no results I have made this decision "of sound mind". I don't need an attorney to put that in writing, LOL.
Now please don't misunderstand me and start deleting people from your life. I am not neccssarity advocating for this but simply asking everyone else to look at your relationship connections. Are there people in your life that you have been reaching out to who are not reaching back at you? Are the people you try to love not capable of loving you back? Then and only then might you want to consider some boundaries and some finality around friendships that are no longer serving your heart or your spirit because at the core of it there is a message of love inside the lines and in fine print. We must all decide whether that pain caused by us because we are holding on is really worth the illness it might create.
My story is mine and of course yours could be and should be different but alike. I currently joined a men's support group and of course my expectation and intent was to support others and to be supported. Well long story short this did not happen. After a few months of soul searching I called the facilitator and explained that I would no longer be attending. For me it boiled down to one thing. I gave it my all to try to connect with other gay men and absolutely without exception it was futile. These were a group of men who for whatever reason were in deep fear and could not commit to friendship or even let their feelings truly come forth or ask for what they needed. Every week it was more like a gripe session than anything else and I realised that this must work for them but not for me and that even if we were all gay it did not mean we were going to be able to relate. Sad as it seems I reached out personally to a couple of them who have gone in circles until I became dizzy even about when to have a cup of coffee, which is not like buying a condo, as least not to me. A small, very minor commitment but they just could not bring themselves to get their head out of their ass (I have had mine there, no judgements) and just sit and chat about life with someone who they could have learned from and taught something to. Delete, delete, delete.
What is the moral of this blog? I want to say nothing but that would be cruel I guess. The moral could be what you would like it to be and hopefully you can relate to some of this friendship fopas but the real meaning for me and what comes up for me is, lack of intimacy and lack of willingness to be present. It is about the fear people have around why someone is pursuing them as a friend and the belief system that everyone like me is looking for something: sex, money, a sugar daddy (I am way too old) or some kind of benefit or underlying reason. I would like to clarify that the reason I reach out to men for friendship is about pure and simple love and a need to be connected to others like me, much like women do so beautifully. We men have a lot to learn. We people have a lot to learn about life and love and commitment.
I am not going to give up! I am going to keep reaching out to every single person I meet and I know that one of them will be responsive and maybe three will be in their heart and fearless. I know that there is always hope for mankind and that there is always "fish in the sea". So the one things that I am going to say is that the delete process is really never complete. It is a journey, life is. It's a wonderful, magical journey life is. And I am going to stay on the path that says that people need people and that there is nothing wrong with us wanting to connect with others and be a part of the universal experience.
Activity:
Sit and think about who in your life is not responsive and ask why.
Is it time to have a talk with that person or is it best to let go?
Can you do this lovingly and what does that look like for you?
Can you see making more room in your life and creating more purpose by letting go?
Can you see this as a self-loving act for you and for that person?
What are the new ways you can find to connect with people and meet others who may need a friend?
What can you do to serve yourself and others?
Write about what your new connected life will look like, smell like and be like.
The reason that I finally deleted people was not about them so much about me and setting my own boundaries. I have a history of reaching out to folks who rarely if ever reach back to me, especially with the zest and love that I attempt to give. After a while it just started to weigh on my spirit and it felt like I was dishonoring Elliott. It was a hard decision but it felt like one I had to make. Hopefully I won't die soon because the tendency for people is to make it about death or about some poor mental state. Ironically I have never been so clear in my life and after years of reaching out to the same people with little to no results I have made this decision "of sound mind". I don't need an attorney to put that in writing, LOL.
Now please don't misunderstand me and start deleting people from your life. I am not neccssarity advocating for this but simply asking everyone else to look at your relationship connections. Are there people in your life that you have been reaching out to who are not reaching back at you? Are the people you try to love not capable of loving you back? Then and only then might you want to consider some boundaries and some finality around friendships that are no longer serving your heart or your spirit because at the core of it there is a message of love inside the lines and in fine print. We must all decide whether that pain caused by us because we are holding on is really worth the illness it might create.
My story is mine and of course yours could be and should be different but alike. I currently joined a men's support group and of course my expectation and intent was to support others and to be supported. Well long story short this did not happen. After a few months of soul searching I called the facilitator and explained that I would no longer be attending. For me it boiled down to one thing. I gave it my all to try to connect with other gay men and absolutely without exception it was futile. These were a group of men who for whatever reason were in deep fear and could not commit to friendship or even let their feelings truly come forth or ask for what they needed. Every week it was more like a gripe session than anything else and I realised that this must work for them but not for me and that even if we were all gay it did not mean we were going to be able to relate. Sad as it seems I reached out personally to a couple of them who have gone in circles until I became dizzy even about when to have a cup of coffee, which is not like buying a condo, as least not to me. A small, very minor commitment but they just could not bring themselves to get their head out of their ass (I have had mine there, no judgements) and just sit and chat about life with someone who they could have learned from and taught something to. Delete, delete, delete.
What is the moral of this blog? I want to say nothing but that would be cruel I guess. The moral could be what you would like it to be and hopefully you can relate to some of this friendship fopas but the real meaning for me and what comes up for me is, lack of intimacy and lack of willingness to be present. It is about the fear people have around why someone is pursuing them as a friend and the belief system that everyone like me is looking for something: sex, money, a sugar daddy (I am way too old) or some kind of benefit or underlying reason. I would like to clarify that the reason I reach out to men for friendship is about pure and simple love and a need to be connected to others like me, much like women do so beautifully. We men have a lot to learn. We people have a lot to learn about life and love and commitment.
I am not going to give up! I am going to keep reaching out to every single person I meet and I know that one of them will be responsive and maybe three will be in their heart and fearless. I know that there is always hope for mankind and that there is always "fish in the sea". So the one things that I am going to say is that the delete process is really never complete. It is a journey, life is. It's a wonderful, magical journey life is. And I am going to stay on the path that says that people need people and that there is nothing wrong with us wanting to connect with others and be a part of the universal experience.
Activity:
Sit and think about who in your life is not responsive and ask why.
Is it time to have a talk with that person or is it best to let go?
Can you do this lovingly and what does that look like for you?
Can you see making more room in your life and creating more purpose by letting go?
Can you see this as a self-loving act for you and for that person?
What are the new ways you can find to connect with people and meet others who may need a friend?
What can you do to serve yourself and others?
Write about what your new connected life will look like, smell like and be like.
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