EMOTIONAL MURDER
I realise that the last blog that I wrote was about emotional absence but this blog is about something more serious which is the side effects of emotional shut down in relationships. I, like some of you, have had plenty of experience in this area as the culprit and the as the recipient. I will admit that after giving this some thought over the past two months or so I feel like I have been more the recipient but that may just be me behaving or showing up in victim mode. Like many of you who have a spouse I too have felt the side effects of emotional cut off and emotional bullying.
Speaking of bullying let's begin our conversation right there, because as some of us are aware emotional cut off is a way to bully us into doing what the other person wants us to do. The mistake that we make is that we fall for it and do give in, doing things that we don't want to do or that are against what we feel is in our highest good. When someone we love cuts us off emotionally we tend to either cut them off, have a stand off or do what it is they want from us. I would say that although the three are valid reactions to emotional bullying, none of them are likely going to get us our highest results. I think we should wait it out and learn not to react either way, keeping ourselves even more focused on what we need to do to feel complete, not holding ourselves hostage to that person. That is the time to begin a long and beautiful self-loving process, doing things that are going to feed our soul and nurture our physical and spiritual being. Whether the person doing the cutting off-bullying is aware of it or not matters and so making them aware by simply stating it is OK. Once you have honoured yourself by "telling the truth" then move forward and devise a plan that will factor in people who are not cutting you off. And by the way, don't spend a lot of time complaining about him or her. Use that energy to love yourself more.
Emotional murderers like a certain female in my life practices well, are people who can literally kill you because all their toxic behaviours are venom. They are like arsenic to the blood and if you let them into your heart and mind you will either want to emotionally hurt them or place all the venom back on yourself. Emotional murder is what happens when a person withholds love from a child and eventually the child runs away to New York and becomes a prostitute. It is a deep reaction to someone in their life not loving them and it is one that could end them up in death or suicide. What that same person needs to know is that the parent who cut them of and emotionally murdered their heart did what they knew how to do or did not have the tools to do it any better. Although it is hard to forgive an "emotional murderer" in your life it is best to send them as much loving energy and thoughts so that we can move on. In fact it would not be a bad idea to use a picture of them to send them forgiving energy while forgiving yourself for thinking that you deserved it.
Emotional murderers learn that MO from emotionally absent and emotionally bullying parents, sometimes. They pass it on because they learned conditions around love and believed that love should be measured. They withhold love like it was withheld from them. The one in your life might even make you angry. We can only withstand so much ignoring and so much withholding before we begin to personalise it and think that something is wrong with us, but in reality it is not always about us. It is about what that person learned, an MO they have been practicing for a long time and that worked for them, hence the continue to justify it.
We must not forget to check in with ourselves to determine if we are emotionally cutting someone off to get what we want from them. It is not always the other person who is doing the emotional damage. We must look inside to make sure we are not the one initiating the emotional damage. Checking in with ourselves would be the first step to ensure we take responsibility for our own bullying behaviour.
Just because someone is not aware of their emotional killing does not mean that they should be given a pass. There may be times when people need a gentle and perhaps firm reminder that it is not OK to shut you out, cut you off or emotionally play with your feelings. Sometimes the only way to remedy a situation of emotional shutting down is to just be honest, pointing it out and asking for what you want.
Remember what Don Miguel Ruiz said: "Don't take anything personal". Try not to take someone else's
Speaking of bullying let's begin our conversation right there, because as some of us are aware emotional cut off is a way to bully us into doing what the other person wants us to do. The mistake that we make is that we fall for it and do give in, doing things that we don't want to do or that are against what we feel is in our highest good. When someone we love cuts us off emotionally we tend to either cut them off, have a stand off or do what it is they want from us. I would say that although the three are valid reactions to emotional bullying, none of them are likely going to get us our highest results. I think we should wait it out and learn not to react either way, keeping ourselves even more focused on what we need to do to feel complete, not holding ourselves hostage to that person. That is the time to begin a long and beautiful self-loving process, doing things that are going to feed our soul and nurture our physical and spiritual being. Whether the person doing the cutting off-bullying is aware of it or not matters and so making them aware by simply stating it is OK. Once you have honoured yourself by "telling the truth" then move forward and devise a plan that will factor in people who are not cutting you off. And by the way, don't spend a lot of time complaining about him or her. Use that energy to love yourself more.
Emotional murderers like a certain female in my life practices well, are people who can literally kill you because all their toxic behaviours are venom. They are like arsenic to the blood and if you let them into your heart and mind you will either want to emotionally hurt them or place all the venom back on yourself. Emotional murder is what happens when a person withholds love from a child and eventually the child runs away to New York and becomes a prostitute. It is a deep reaction to someone in their life not loving them and it is one that could end them up in death or suicide. What that same person needs to know is that the parent who cut them of and emotionally murdered their heart did what they knew how to do or did not have the tools to do it any better. Although it is hard to forgive an "emotional murderer" in your life it is best to send them as much loving energy and thoughts so that we can move on. In fact it would not be a bad idea to use a picture of them to send them forgiving energy while forgiving yourself for thinking that you deserved it.
Emotional murderers learn that MO from emotionally absent and emotionally bullying parents, sometimes. They pass it on because they learned conditions around love and believed that love should be measured. They withhold love like it was withheld from them. The one in your life might even make you angry. We can only withstand so much ignoring and so much withholding before we begin to personalise it and think that something is wrong with us, but in reality it is not always about us. It is about what that person learned, an MO they have been practicing for a long time and that worked for them, hence the continue to justify it.
We must not forget to check in with ourselves to determine if we are emotionally cutting someone off to get what we want from them. It is not always the other person who is doing the emotional damage. We must look inside to make sure we are not the one initiating the emotional damage. Checking in with ourselves would be the first step to ensure we take responsibility for our own bullying behaviour.
Just because someone is not aware of their emotional killing does not mean that they should be given a pass. There may be times when people need a gentle and perhaps firm reminder that it is not OK to shut you out, cut you off or emotionally play with your feelings. Sometimes the only way to remedy a situation of emotional shutting down is to just be honest, pointing it out and asking for what you want.
Remember what Don Miguel Ruiz said: "Don't take anything personal". Try not to take someone else's
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