Another Day Another Lesson

Yet again another four in the morning wake up call.  I cannot help wonder why I am up at this very early hour of the day and I might attribute it to the fact that my mind, my body and my emotional self are going through some stress and experiencing some major changes.  In fact  I would say that there are definitely some good reasons why Elliott Maximo Collazo is up at this time.  Even for my husband laying next to me asking me, "why are you up?" seems a bit redundant to me given the fact that the night before I was up every hour on the hour either sweating in pain or both.  Mine is not to question is what comes back to me when I sarcastically respond to my husband, "That's a good question and if I knew the answer to that question I would be doing really well".  Bottom line I am up but this time not sweating, not moaning with pain and not feeling as though parts of my body are disconnected from the others or that my spiritual self is disconnected from my emotional or physical self.  For now I will take these incidents of awakening in the middle of the night and ask God to show me the lesson and to guide me.  What can I be doing now that will demonstrate how grateful I am to have breath in me?  At the very least I did not get up in extreme pain.

The  message could be that one can be in awareness at any time of the day and that my awareness will come to me in the middle of the night even if I am not that comfortable getting up so early.  The lesson could be that I will awaken my spirit at any time and that God's time is a good time to awaken my spirit, not necessarily my time.  What could God be saying to me?  What is the lesson inside this experience?  What will I learn from these opportunities to check in with myself and give myself some time to reflect?  As I reflect on what God is saying to me I understand that first and foremost I must be willing to listen and that while I am enduring some form of emotional pain I am alive and I have breath.  As I write this my daughter Taina is in the other bedroom as are my grandkids.  They are sound asleep and that is because they are not experiencing my experience, they are living on as normal, as it should be.  They don't need to be in pain for their father, their grandpa.  They can sleep in peace and have their own personal experience with God.  To be emotionally connected with them right here and now feels like a lesson.  It is as though Goddess is asking me to not forget that their experience is not mine and that my attentiveness to their experience will have something to do with my attentiveness to myself.  Another reason to be grateful.

What will I do in the next two hours when the sun will rise?  I will simply be willing to be where I am right now.  It may be that what is meant for me is to see the sun rise this morning from my bedroom window facing a frozen water feature with lots of trees around it covered in snow.  It may be that I will get up out of the bed and have a piece of Godiva chocolate.  Another thing to be grateful for.  It may be that I will turn on some meditation music and send healing to every part of my body,especially  the parts that were cut.  What will I do to make this experience one that I can learn from?  That is the message I keep hearing repeatedly.  For now I am going to say that I am grateful for the cancer that was taken from me and put somewhere where it is dark and where I won't have to see it again.