Cancer Round One Down
Well today I get my chemo pump taken off and for now I am finished with the radiation. I feel grateful, light filled and scared all at once. I am clearly not completely out of the woods until it is official and the doctors do more follow ups which will likely be every month and then every 4 months and so on. I know from the last battle that it returned after almost ten years and that was in comparison a walk in the park. Still I feel very optimistic that God has this great plan for me even in the midst of the other things that are going on with me. To speak of it too loudly would be to waste too much of my time and yours I think so I won't go into the ugly little details, preferring to focus on the positive.
My pain is managed, I am comfortable and feeling lots of love from many people in my life. I am here today and feeling like this is all as it should be, enjoying the moment just like Tolle taught me to do. Live in the now. Live this moment. And boy does that feel good. It will also feel better when they unhook the chemo gadget from my waste and maybe take the pic line out today. It is likely that they may keep it in but if they do I am not going to complain, there is always long sleeve shirts, LOL.
This journey has not been easy but what I think I may have learned was that it was not too hard as to be unbearable. I learned that I could endure more than I thought with the guidance of goddess and the love of family and friends. I feel like I have come to a marker and now it is going to be a test of how well I know how to care for Elliott. It will be a test of how insular or giving I am or can be. It will be a test of how much faith I have in me and others around me and how much love I can give back to others. It will be my time to care for others and myself and focus on complete light and love. This way I will heal and in this way I will see the beauty in everything and everyone.
Yesterday I took a lovely friend battling with cancer to her doctor's appointment. I got up super early to be downtown and spent the entire morning waiting for her and loving it. The weather was awesome in fact 90 degrees. I think it was a record high for Chicago this time of year. I even took a nap in the car. Afterwards we went to lunch and had some Yogurt at Red Mango in LaGrange, a suburb filled with old beautiful homes and a wonderful little old school downtown area. She and I had such a grand time and afterwards not even the traffic home fazed me at all. I knew then that from now on it will be about love and service and that I have been given this gift so that I could be of service to others. In fact the message is that I will be back to "normal" and I won't qualify that but back to the highest level of who I am and will be. All around me there is and will be these elements and people of love. I am looking forward to it. I am thinking this next phase will be even better.
My pain is managed, I am comfortable and feeling lots of love from many people in my life. I am here today and feeling like this is all as it should be, enjoying the moment just like Tolle taught me to do. Live in the now. Live this moment. And boy does that feel good. It will also feel better when they unhook the chemo gadget from my waste and maybe take the pic line out today. It is likely that they may keep it in but if they do I am not going to complain, there is always long sleeve shirts, LOL.
This journey has not been easy but what I think I may have learned was that it was not too hard as to be unbearable. I learned that I could endure more than I thought with the guidance of goddess and the love of family and friends. I feel like I have come to a marker and now it is going to be a test of how well I know how to care for Elliott. It will be a test of how insular or giving I am or can be. It will be a test of how much faith I have in me and others around me and how much love I can give back to others. It will be my time to care for others and myself and focus on complete light and love. This way I will heal and in this way I will see the beauty in everything and everyone.
Yesterday I took a lovely friend battling with cancer to her doctor's appointment. I got up super early to be downtown and spent the entire morning waiting for her and loving it. The weather was awesome in fact 90 degrees. I think it was a record high for Chicago this time of year. I even took a nap in the car. Afterwards we went to lunch and had some Yogurt at Red Mango in LaGrange, a suburb filled with old beautiful homes and a wonderful little old school downtown area. She and I had such a grand time and afterwards not even the traffic home fazed me at all. I knew then that from now on it will be about love and service and that I have been given this gift so that I could be of service to others. In fact the message is that I will be back to "normal" and I won't qualify that but back to the highest level of who I am and will be. All around me there is and will be these elements and people of love. I am looking forward to it. I am thinking this next phase will be even better.
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