No Not Cancer
I just decided to change the subject today and I am thinking on my toes hopefully, for your sake. I would like this blog to be about life situations and overall handling things that come up and surprise us. I have had so many surprises and I am thinking so have you. Life deals us a lot of stuff we don't expect and it is up to us at each moment how we will react to it. Will we stay on the path? Will we get off the path? Will we address it with fear or will we be courageous? We won't know that until we actually have the experience. We won't know that until we get to that place where we are having the new experience but there are some basic things we can be thinking about like how we normally react to life happenings. How we respond to crisis and how we address those unexpected moments.
There are a lot of people who seem to have it together, nothing frazzles them and nothing seems to get them upset. We all know people like that and they simply seem not to be moved by anything too terribly. They are monotoned often times and when a bad thing happens or someone treats them poorly they make excuses or they simply walk forward. At times we all wonder if we could only be like that. I use to get jealous of people like that and thought them to be perfect or at least way more together than me. The truth is that these folks are on the other extreme of the other folks who react with anger when they spill some milk on the floor. These folks are the ones we all talk about behind their backs because everything and anything seems to trigger them. They get mad at the drop of a hat. They lose it at the very smallest situation and they are confrontational and don't walk away. They even complain of nightmares and we think that they are the nightmare. Of course most of us would rather be the person who never reacts but here is what I have found in my 30 years of dealing with kids and adults as a teacher, parent, mentor and life coach. Either extreme is not healthy and underneath the two extremes are some serious character issues and sometimes serious emotional issues.
Let's talk more about the first type, the one that seems to have it all together. Often times the person who seems to have it all together is also emotionally zoned out. They have issues in relationship and with boundaries because they simply want to be in the good zone where everyone gets along and they are perceived as really perfect and nice. In relationships they tend to check out often just the way they check out in other areas of their lives. They tend to do the very minimum and sometimes live in a way that is less than organized. They avoid conflict and when it comes they blame and shame because they fear any sort of conflict. It is hard to gage them and determine if they are excited or have any passion about anything. They tend to be more quiet and rarely say that they are in disagreement but are very controlling and try to manipulate others. They have a tendency to be quiet and inside they are very angry. They are not comfortable expressing anger.
Take the other person who seems pissed all the time. This person is passionate often times expressing his or her love without reservation. He or she knows his or her imperfections and readily admits them but sometimes to a fault. This guy or gal is manipulated a lot because they are guilt ridden due to their lack of control. They are sometimes guilty of being pretty negative and yet they are very loyal to others and in relationship in fact wearing their feelings on their sleeve. They are often accused of being hot tempered and sometimes the accuser is right. However, these folks are more expressive and would let's say be more apt to be dancers and creative people. They are falsely accused of being bad by the other extreme of people who are very quiet and demure. They like the other extreme mentioned need to do some self work in their life.
You may ask yourself what is the perfect type of person to be? Well for many of us it is a person with balance. A person who is not quiet and controlling or hot tempered and angry and controlling too. It is a balance of someone who is verbal and expresses their needs and their boundaries. It is a person who cares about others, will speak up and will look at themselves with honesty and be willing to change. I think that the key to life is knowing who we are and looking at those extremes. Either we are a so called "even keeled person" or we are a "mad person" in others eyes but we have to know who we really are. Everyone will have an opinion of us and some will be low and others will be high and lovely. People will judge us and they especially will find us how they want to find us and us them. We must try not to judge others especially if they are in pain and feeling alone or lose a loved one as they are very vulnerable. Deep in our hearts we can find the middle ground and find a place where we are neither in judgement of ourselves or others.
In light,
Elliott Collazo
There are a lot of people who seem to have it together, nothing frazzles them and nothing seems to get them upset. We all know people like that and they simply seem not to be moved by anything too terribly. They are monotoned often times and when a bad thing happens or someone treats them poorly they make excuses or they simply walk forward. At times we all wonder if we could only be like that. I use to get jealous of people like that and thought them to be perfect or at least way more together than me. The truth is that these folks are on the other extreme of the other folks who react with anger when they spill some milk on the floor. These folks are the ones we all talk about behind their backs because everything and anything seems to trigger them. They get mad at the drop of a hat. They lose it at the very smallest situation and they are confrontational and don't walk away. They even complain of nightmares and we think that they are the nightmare. Of course most of us would rather be the person who never reacts but here is what I have found in my 30 years of dealing with kids and adults as a teacher, parent, mentor and life coach. Either extreme is not healthy and underneath the two extremes are some serious character issues and sometimes serious emotional issues.
Let's talk more about the first type, the one that seems to have it all together. Often times the person who seems to have it all together is also emotionally zoned out. They have issues in relationship and with boundaries because they simply want to be in the good zone where everyone gets along and they are perceived as really perfect and nice. In relationships they tend to check out often just the way they check out in other areas of their lives. They tend to do the very minimum and sometimes live in a way that is less than organized. They avoid conflict and when it comes they blame and shame because they fear any sort of conflict. It is hard to gage them and determine if they are excited or have any passion about anything. They tend to be more quiet and rarely say that they are in disagreement but are very controlling and try to manipulate others. They have a tendency to be quiet and inside they are very angry. They are not comfortable expressing anger.
Take the other person who seems pissed all the time. This person is passionate often times expressing his or her love without reservation. He or she knows his or her imperfections and readily admits them but sometimes to a fault. This guy or gal is manipulated a lot because they are guilt ridden due to their lack of control. They are sometimes guilty of being pretty negative and yet they are very loyal to others and in relationship in fact wearing their feelings on their sleeve. They are often accused of being hot tempered and sometimes the accuser is right. However, these folks are more expressive and would let's say be more apt to be dancers and creative people. They are falsely accused of being bad by the other extreme of people who are very quiet and demure. They like the other extreme mentioned need to do some self work in their life.
You may ask yourself what is the perfect type of person to be? Well for many of us it is a person with balance. A person who is not quiet and controlling or hot tempered and angry and controlling too. It is a balance of someone who is verbal and expresses their needs and their boundaries. It is a person who cares about others, will speak up and will look at themselves with honesty and be willing to change. I think that the key to life is knowing who we are and looking at those extremes. Either we are a so called "even keeled person" or we are a "mad person" in others eyes but we have to know who we really are. Everyone will have an opinion of us and some will be low and others will be high and lovely. People will judge us and they especially will find us how they want to find us and us them. We must try not to judge others especially if they are in pain and feeling alone or lose a loved one as they are very vulnerable. Deep in our hearts we can find the middle ground and find a place where we are neither in judgement of ourselves or others.
In light,
Elliott Collazo
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