If It Doesn't Fit Don't Commit
Many of us are simply crazy about the thought of being in a "committed relationship" with someone. In fact it has become more and more of a frequent theme in the lives of women who I speak to that are between the ages of 35-45, with some of them thinking about having children before "it is too late". Whether the other person is a good fit or not being ready to commit does not mean you should. In fact for the majority of the women who come to me with conversations around commitment I find that they are not just ill prepared but that before they commit they are not looking more closely at whether the man they are considering is a good fit.
We are as the movie was titled "Desperately Seeking Susan". We are so bent on finding ourselves in relationships that we do just about anything to catch the fish only to find out that the fish is not even close to the species we can truly love. The rate of divorce should be a clear message to us that we are not thinking long and hard enough about choosing a partner, and I use the word partner because the person we select should be a good partner that will work with us to create a special friendship and a special connection that will be fruitful and positive. After all business partners do just that in order to be successful and so that both parties benefit from a financially focused endeavor. Maybe looking at the choice of person as a business like partner could be a more logical way of approaching relationships? Maybe a great partner is what we really want and the love will come as a result of a harmonious connection between you?
A partner is a person who agrees to work with you. When we chose a person to become intimate with we may want to look at this facet of who they are. Will they make a good partner? Will they carry their weight and more importantly will they do their fair share all the time without being nudged, prodded or pleaded? A person who comes into your life that sits back and allows you to carry the weight of the relationship or the duties of the common household is not a good partner and will likely not make a good spouse, if that is where you chose to go with it. When you meet someone the best thing to uncover is whether they are a good partner or not and from the start are they showing signs of good partnering skills. That is more important than if they are sexy, smart or drive a nice car.
We are obsessed with youth and with looks. We are just as obsessed with sex while disregarding intimacy (the real aspect of love). We want someone who has a degree and we want to be with a person who dresses nice and drives a pretty car, yet we disregard the things that are important like: soulfulness, spiritual beliefs, compassion and most important of all life skills. A person who has no life skills is a person who will eventually feel like a burden to be with. What we fail to understand is that being book smart is good but being life smart is even better and an essential component of a highly functioning person. People who don't know how to address their feeling, the ones who hide from their own anger and who don't play fair are the worse kind of people to deal with. A partner is a person who works with you and is life smart. He or she pulls their own weight and when neccessary will pull all the weight.
If a person is not a good fit we know it. What we often times do is we ignore the fact that this person is not a good fit for us. We believe we will make that happen later when in fact if a person is not a good fit from the start then it is silly and wrong to commit. Sooner or later there will come that time when we must be in our reality and admit that someone we are very attracted to physically is not a good fit spiritually and does not possess the basic life skills that will later become a major issue and bone of contention. If it doesn't fit then simply don't commit. Leave that notion that you will change a person deep inside the depths of your being knowing fully that it is an excuse to continue to pursue what is not a good fit for you.
Being alone can be the most wonderful, magical time of your life. Being single can be a good time when we understand that just being with someone does not equal success. Being alone is a gift we give ourselves in order to heal the parts of us that make us think we need someone else to be happy when in fact this is a lie. Being alone is much preferred over being with a person who is dysfunctional and who does not do their part in relationships, of which their are many. When we learn to live alone and be happy we develop a more deserving quality about us and we pick others to be around us based on their character and not their looks. Being in relationship should be organic and flow without any force and without pushing it so much as to make it uncomfortable. When we are whole being single then we will automatically chose someone who is a good fit, never settling for someone who cannot provide the basics of relationship.
If It Doesn't Fit Don't Commit
We are as the movie was titled "Desperately Seeking Susan". We are so bent on finding ourselves in relationships that we do just about anything to catch the fish only to find out that the fish is not even close to the species we can truly love. The rate of divorce should be a clear message to us that we are not thinking long and hard enough about choosing a partner, and I use the word partner because the person we select should be a good partner that will work with us to create a special friendship and a special connection that will be fruitful and positive. After all business partners do just that in order to be successful and so that both parties benefit from a financially focused endeavor. Maybe looking at the choice of person as a business like partner could be a more logical way of approaching relationships? Maybe a great partner is what we really want and the love will come as a result of a harmonious connection between you?
A partner is a person who agrees to work with you. When we chose a person to become intimate with we may want to look at this facet of who they are. Will they make a good partner? Will they carry their weight and more importantly will they do their fair share all the time without being nudged, prodded or pleaded? A person who comes into your life that sits back and allows you to carry the weight of the relationship or the duties of the common household is not a good partner and will likely not make a good spouse, if that is where you chose to go with it. When you meet someone the best thing to uncover is whether they are a good partner or not and from the start are they showing signs of good partnering skills. That is more important than if they are sexy, smart or drive a nice car.
We are obsessed with youth and with looks. We are just as obsessed with sex while disregarding intimacy (the real aspect of love). We want someone who has a degree and we want to be with a person who dresses nice and drives a pretty car, yet we disregard the things that are important like: soulfulness, spiritual beliefs, compassion and most important of all life skills. A person who has no life skills is a person who will eventually feel like a burden to be with. What we fail to understand is that being book smart is good but being life smart is even better and an essential component of a highly functioning person. People who don't know how to address their feeling, the ones who hide from their own anger and who don't play fair are the worse kind of people to deal with. A partner is a person who works with you and is life smart. He or she pulls their own weight and when neccessary will pull all the weight.
If a person is not a good fit we know it. What we often times do is we ignore the fact that this person is not a good fit for us. We believe we will make that happen later when in fact if a person is not a good fit from the start then it is silly and wrong to commit. Sooner or later there will come that time when we must be in our reality and admit that someone we are very attracted to physically is not a good fit spiritually and does not possess the basic life skills that will later become a major issue and bone of contention. If it doesn't fit then simply don't commit. Leave that notion that you will change a person deep inside the depths of your being knowing fully that it is an excuse to continue to pursue what is not a good fit for you.
Being alone can be the most wonderful, magical time of your life. Being single can be a good time when we understand that just being with someone does not equal success. Being alone is a gift we give ourselves in order to heal the parts of us that make us think we need someone else to be happy when in fact this is a lie. Being alone is much preferred over being with a person who is dysfunctional and who does not do their part in relationships, of which their are many. When we learn to live alone and be happy we develop a more deserving quality about us and we pick others to be around us based on their character and not their looks. Being in relationship should be organic and flow without any force and without pushing it so much as to make it uncomfortable. When we are whole being single then we will automatically chose someone who is a good fit, never settling for someone who cannot provide the basics of relationship.
If It Doesn't Fit Don't Commit
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