I Don't Give A Shit
Today is one of those days when I feel a bit sarcastic and a funny. My inner child wants to come out and play. My granddaughter Isabella who is now almost 8 is with me for a few days and it's all about allowing my little kid to come out and play. She always brings out this silly character that is inside of me with an Indian accent who is her driver-chauffeur. She pretends to be my employer and at times she treats me like the help, all in jest and fun. Being with her makes me think in a way that I can only express as: "I don't give a shit". I don't think about myself, I get out of my head and intellect and go into my heart place, a spot where I feel free and clear of any problems or issues of any kind.
When I am in that place of not giving a shit about anything I am also in a place of abandon. It is not easy to go there but being with a child facilitates it for me. I believe I go back to that place of childhood because of all the pain I experienced and it forms a new story of enjoyment and of innocence. I get to play this role of a five year old boy that does as he pleases without any resentments. I can recall as a child being so upset, sad and angry that I would break my own toys. I knew in some small place in my mind that I was doing something bad and now understand that this was a way that I punished myself for "being and looking like my father", someone my mother resented for abusing her and for leaving us behind. Knowing that pain is what makes me feel so free to express my little boy inside in a way that now honors him with all his silliness and loudness.
I am so blessed today to have a grandchildren and to have that reason to let go. I feel honored by the fact that God blessed me with these two beautiful daughters and with a 16, 8 and seven month old grandchildren, all of which are free to express themselves and are being raised by loving mothers, something I did not have much of the time. I have forgiven my mother long ago for her inability to show up for me and at the same time I am thrilled to witness parents like my daughters Taina and Camille who adore their children and live each day to love them.
Perhaps this blog is more about giving a shit and not giving a shit about certain things in life. Perhaps not giving a shit about whether I am in my night shirt at 1pm in the afternoon listing to jazz is one of those I don't give a shit moments. Whatever it is I am happy for this time and this moment. I am living as if I were a child again doing art projects like giant tissue flowers and cut and paste art. Whatever it is I am pleased with myself and my ability to go with the flow and enjoy this time with my Isabella who laughs at my silly antics and who brings that crazy old lady character out in me as we have a food fight with her play food.
I want to encourage all of you to spend time with children and to not give a shit about anything but having some insane fun. Put on some music, dance with your grandchild, become a funny personality or character and fly by the seat of your pants. It is those movements when you relinquish your control that you will live with a fullness as if you "don't give a shit".
Coach Elliott
When I am in that place of not giving a shit about anything I am also in a place of abandon. It is not easy to go there but being with a child facilitates it for me. I believe I go back to that place of childhood because of all the pain I experienced and it forms a new story of enjoyment and of innocence. I get to play this role of a five year old boy that does as he pleases without any resentments. I can recall as a child being so upset, sad and angry that I would break my own toys. I knew in some small place in my mind that I was doing something bad and now understand that this was a way that I punished myself for "being and looking like my father", someone my mother resented for abusing her and for leaving us behind. Knowing that pain is what makes me feel so free to express my little boy inside in a way that now honors him with all his silliness and loudness.
I am so blessed today to have a grandchildren and to have that reason to let go. I feel honored by the fact that God blessed me with these two beautiful daughters and with a 16, 8 and seven month old grandchildren, all of which are free to express themselves and are being raised by loving mothers, something I did not have much of the time. I have forgiven my mother long ago for her inability to show up for me and at the same time I am thrilled to witness parents like my daughters Taina and Camille who adore their children and live each day to love them.
Perhaps this blog is more about giving a shit and not giving a shit about certain things in life. Perhaps not giving a shit about whether I am in my night shirt at 1pm in the afternoon listing to jazz is one of those I don't give a shit moments. Whatever it is I am happy for this time and this moment. I am living as if I were a child again doing art projects like giant tissue flowers and cut and paste art. Whatever it is I am pleased with myself and my ability to go with the flow and enjoy this time with my Isabella who laughs at my silly antics and who brings that crazy old lady character out in me as we have a food fight with her play food.
I want to encourage all of you to spend time with children and to not give a shit about anything but having some insane fun. Put on some music, dance with your grandchild, become a funny personality or character and fly by the seat of your pants. It is those movements when you relinquish your control that you will live with a fullness as if you "don't give a shit".
Coach Elliott
Comments
Post a Comment