Mission Defeat?
Today I could feel defeated because as life would have it I must abandon my missionary work and go home. It is not an accident that I am reading a book about the five things in life that we cannot change because this fits in like a glove made for me to wear. No matter how much planning and how much intention we may have there are going to be times when we can be sure of the unsure, the uncertainty of life. This is my day, but I am not special in that it is each of our day at one time or another. Having to face this fact is much easier when God is training you daily for this day and when the day arrives we might not be so surprised. I for one am not completely surprised only in the sense that yes life is full of them isn't it? Not one of us knows what is going to happen next even if we dilute ourselves into believing that we do, we don't.
My health opportunity presented a new challenge called bleeding in lay men's terms. I am going to call it presenting an additional challenge because when we bleed we slowly become depleted and it can be dangerous. I wished daily that it would go away and in fact there were days when it did and then there were the days when 15-20 cold paper towels became soaked in the substance of my life. At first it wasn't so challenging and then I became dizzy and out of sorts until finally I had to face the fact that I would soon black out or worse. That is when I decided I would need an ambulance to the hospital hence my adventure into the world of blood transfusions. Nothing prepared me for that and I assume I was not suppose to be prepared, in fact I was not prepared. Yet all along I remained centered and calm for the most part whereby even the nurses took note of it. Life deals us some personal cards don't it?
For the last month here at OHI I have been presented with one person or situation after another that is my teacher. I have learned that no matter where I am that is home because God has a home for us wherever we stand, eat and sleep. I have witnessed people with MS and others with cancer all of which hold the hope and promise of healing inside, outside, spiritually and physically or both. I have met some of the most appreciative and loving folks on the planet who collaborate here on an even plane whether they are doctors or waitresses. This is truly a place where everyone is equal not only because God or their parents said so but because they really are. I cannot explain it but it is like an energy and a place where people have been called to become humbled and whole. Where is they don't become cured they have at least seen more light than before. Where they can stand up straight and be sure and they can collapse to the floor and be sob. There is so little ego invested here.
Perhaps this was not my time? I cannot be sure yet nor may I ever be sure. I am OK with that. What I know for now is that I must move forward in a different manner than before and on a new path than the one yesterday. I have to trust that this is the next step and hence I am coming home to my family, my husband and my beautiful innocent granddaughters whom I adore. There is a message within me that I cannot, will not ignore. My family next to me makes all the difference in my life and I will honour that today. What is in store for me tomorrow? All I know is that I will be on a plane at noon, have a lay over of two hours and then be in Chicago at 10pm. All I know is that I am being called home. Life, it's funny that way.
My health opportunity presented a new challenge called bleeding in lay men's terms. I am going to call it presenting an additional challenge because when we bleed we slowly become depleted and it can be dangerous. I wished daily that it would go away and in fact there were days when it did and then there were the days when 15-20 cold paper towels became soaked in the substance of my life. At first it wasn't so challenging and then I became dizzy and out of sorts until finally I had to face the fact that I would soon black out or worse. That is when I decided I would need an ambulance to the hospital hence my adventure into the world of blood transfusions. Nothing prepared me for that and I assume I was not suppose to be prepared, in fact I was not prepared. Yet all along I remained centered and calm for the most part whereby even the nurses took note of it. Life deals us some personal cards don't it?
For the last month here at OHI I have been presented with one person or situation after another that is my teacher. I have learned that no matter where I am that is home because God has a home for us wherever we stand, eat and sleep. I have witnessed people with MS and others with cancer all of which hold the hope and promise of healing inside, outside, spiritually and physically or both. I have met some of the most appreciative and loving folks on the planet who collaborate here on an even plane whether they are doctors or waitresses. This is truly a place where everyone is equal not only because God or their parents said so but because they really are. I cannot explain it but it is like an energy and a place where people have been called to become humbled and whole. Where is they don't become cured they have at least seen more light than before. Where they can stand up straight and be sure and they can collapse to the floor and be sob. There is so little ego invested here.
Perhaps this was not my time? I cannot be sure yet nor may I ever be sure. I am OK with that. What I know for now is that I must move forward in a different manner than before and on a new path than the one yesterday. I have to trust that this is the next step and hence I am coming home to my family, my husband and my beautiful innocent granddaughters whom I adore. There is a message within me that I cannot, will not ignore. My family next to me makes all the difference in my life and I will honour that today. What is in store for me tomorrow? All I know is that I will be on a plane at noon, have a lay over of two hours and then be in Chicago at 10pm. All I know is that I am being called home. Life, it's funny that way.
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