The Mission Continues 120413
I am here now on the third week of 13 total and today was one of the best days since my arrival. I decided somewhere along the line that I was just going to go ahead and surrender to whatever spirit brought my way and things just flowed through me, around me and to me. I also felt like I just breathed and let the current take me. Sometimes I believe that this is all we have to do is just be and just breathe into it. Trying to hard is so tedious to me these days and I just don't imagine it to be in my best interest. I get tired of trying to be so purposeful and intentional all the time about everything I do when half the time all I need to do is show up. It's a rather funny thing coming from me when for a while I subscribed to this idea of being intentional. I think it is my time not to worry about intent but to allow myself the space to move in and out of situations and experience without ego concerns. I just want to be and breathe.
Today we had a class for the first time guests called "You Validation". In this activity we sit in a circle and the facilitator invites each of us to come up, share "our passion" and then receive validating and positive comments from the others in the group. While I enjoyed the activity I came out of it just a little less validated and a little more understanding that I really don't need it. Oprah has said on several occasions, "all we need is to be validated" and I remember thinking that this resonated for me a lot, yet now I feel differently. Now I sense I don't need validation so much and that my goal is to work on not needing validation from others. I can just live my life and not be so concerned about whether people agree or disagree with how I am living it. I can do things in my life just because It is the right thing for me without asking to be approved or prized but rather just do them because they come from my heart to do them.
I led the afternoon exercise class today and what I felt as I was leading the class I was only concerned with what I needed to do according to the narrative that we use for the class. I did not have to think about it too much and just allowed myself to do the exercises and enjoy them. I was less focused on the students yet I felt connected to them in a genuine way. I was just me and did what felt natural and it felt right. I did it all with more ease and grace but more importantly I allowed everyone to do what they needed to do at their own pace and timing. What I learned was that this is how I want to start living my life. I don't have any control of anyone, including people I love. Like today when I shared with my husband for twenty minutes and he responded with "that sound good" and "oh". My ego wanted him to ask me more questions because after all I was spilling my emotional guts out, but that was his response and the last one was, "well Ok talk to you later". I longed for a talk about the Tao ancient wisdoms I had shared or the healing diet at OHI or the movie "Ashes and Snow" , an impeccable depiction of wild animals interacting with men, women and children. But alas nothing. What is the lesson for me? The lesson is to share what I need to share without the expectation that there will be any response and that what I share is what I share and that should be good enough. I should not expect anything in return but rather just be present for myself even if he is unresponsive or disinterested in what I have to say. The lesson is that it may be profound and important to me but it does not have to be profound our important to him nor should I want or need it to be.
In this thing we call life there needs to be one focus on that one person. That person is the most divine source of love and acceptance. This one person should accept you for who you are. This one person is the one who will always love you. We are all looking for that one person. The reality is that this person is YOU!
Today we had a class for the first time guests called "You Validation". In this activity we sit in a circle and the facilitator invites each of us to come up, share "our passion" and then receive validating and positive comments from the others in the group. While I enjoyed the activity I came out of it just a little less validated and a little more understanding that I really don't need it. Oprah has said on several occasions, "all we need is to be validated" and I remember thinking that this resonated for me a lot, yet now I feel differently. Now I sense I don't need validation so much and that my goal is to work on not needing validation from others. I can just live my life and not be so concerned about whether people agree or disagree with how I am living it. I can do things in my life just because It is the right thing for me without asking to be approved or prized but rather just do them because they come from my heart to do them.
I led the afternoon exercise class today and what I felt as I was leading the class I was only concerned with what I needed to do according to the narrative that we use for the class. I did not have to think about it too much and just allowed myself to do the exercises and enjoy them. I was less focused on the students yet I felt connected to them in a genuine way. I was just me and did what felt natural and it felt right. I did it all with more ease and grace but more importantly I allowed everyone to do what they needed to do at their own pace and timing. What I learned was that this is how I want to start living my life. I don't have any control of anyone, including people I love. Like today when I shared with my husband for twenty minutes and he responded with "that sound good" and "oh". My ego wanted him to ask me more questions because after all I was spilling my emotional guts out, but that was his response and the last one was, "well Ok talk to you later". I longed for a talk about the Tao ancient wisdoms I had shared or the healing diet at OHI or the movie "Ashes and Snow" , an impeccable depiction of wild animals interacting with men, women and children. But alas nothing. What is the lesson for me? The lesson is to share what I need to share without the expectation that there will be any response and that what I share is what I share and that should be good enough. I should not expect anything in return but rather just be present for myself even if he is unresponsive or disinterested in what I have to say. The lesson is that it may be profound and important to me but it does not have to be profound our important to him nor should I want or need it to be.
In this thing we call life there needs to be one focus on that one person. That person is the most divine source of love and acceptance. This one person should accept you for who you are. This one person is the one who will always love you. We are all looking for that one person. The reality is that this person is YOU!
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