My Mission: A Conversation
There are people here in this healing place that need to talk. I have had many conversations with them. Yesterday I spoke to a grandmother who apparently forced her grandson to attend the program with her and he has completely refused to participate. She asked if I would talk to him and I have not seen him since the first few times when he looked as though he was very angry. He is a big burly young man who is handsome yet his demeanour might frighten others away. In the past I would have asked the woman to go get her grandson but instead I shared that he would get the message when he was ready and to just allow him to be where he is. For me this was a shift in my way of thinking and doing. I no longer feel like I need to fix anyone and I don't want to lead people into believing that they can change or control others feelings, desires, likes or dislikes. The fact is that this young 22 year old is not ready to hear the message and it would have likely been better had his grandmother not convinced him to attend OHI. This is a place where one has to be willing to be here.
This young lady here also shared that she was ending a relationship with someone who was 30 years older than her. Apparently she felt suffocated and unable to move forward, doing the things she feels she needs to do. She is saddened even though she realises she must follow her instinct. She feels sure she wants to move out of the relationship but still feels a lot of compassion for her partner of several years. She shared that she still loves being around him and he lovers her but there are some ties that are simply not healthy for her. Her candid sharing with me left me impressed. Again, I did not offer to fix her or give her any answers, even though she made it clear that this is what she was hoping for. I simply honoured her for continuing to love someone in spite of the fact that she knows she cannot stay in the relationship. I only shared how great it was that she seemed clear as to what she needed and wanted to do. She smiled and seemed to know what she needed to do. What I know for sure is that I did not know what she should do nor did I have any desire to be some wise guru of some sort and present her with any kind of a solution. Instead I was able to hear her message and to listen with love and hug here and walk away. I did not need to fix her either.
Then there was another woman who asked me if I thought a life coach could help her to continue to utilise the diet from the program at home. The impression that I got was that she felt she would struggle with the diet and not be able to maintain it. I could have offered my services to here and I felt like I was close to doing just that, but what became clear to me was that I needed to covet my time and energy for myself. I thought about how it was my nature to want to jump up and accept this kind of challenge professionally and personally, but instead I vetoed that and voted for myself to be first and more important than money or someone else. I did share that if she felt she could utilise a life coach then she was likely on the right track. For me, that is all I needed to do. Nothing more nothing less. She is one of the many teachers on my journey and I have the intention to hear each one out and get focused back on my own healing work, because very honestly I have enough to do in the area of my own health and well being.
Being in a place of self-caring is sometimes still foreign to me and very honestly I am still in a learning place in this area. So much of my life has been about helping someone out of their hole and ignoring myself. Many of us know this to be a familiar pattern. I think for me it was and sometimes still is about not addressing what I need to address by avoiding it and placing the focus elsewhere, on someone else. With the onset of this health opportunity I have come to know the urgency of addressing my own needs and placing the emphasis where it needs to be, on me. There is a part of me that feels silly for not knowing this all along but I also know that poorly judging myself is not going to cure me nor will it heal the past mistakes. Although I cannot be addressing other's needs so much as before this is something that I had to learn and that I must take seriously. No one can be more important than me now and no one can take a front seat to the ride I call life.
So here I am in a place like OHI eating the right foods, resting when I need to, taking walks, doing yoga and addressing every aspect of who I am and what bought me here. The wheat grass, the diet, the exercise and the early morning start is and will continue to be what may very well be my life saver. And then of course their is the belief in Spirit, the prayers and the meditation. I have been forced to this end where I have to do it or decide not to. I have to make a decision to save my life in spite of what goes on around me with others. I have to make myself first or I will fail at healing and I will fail to show up for Elliott.
A lot of you can feel me and know what I am talking about here. Many of you have experienced this phenomenon. This lack of responsibility to oneself and this race to run away from our feelings and the work that needs to get completed. I send light to each of you and a knowing that you are wise enough to know what you are doing.
This young lady here also shared that she was ending a relationship with someone who was 30 years older than her. Apparently she felt suffocated and unable to move forward, doing the things she feels she needs to do. She is saddened even though she realises she must follow her instinct. She feels sure she wants to move out of the relationship but still feels a lot of compassion for her partner of several years. She shared that she still loves being around him and he lovers her but there are some ties that are simply not healthy for her. Her candid sharing with me left me impressed. Again, I did not offer to fix her or give her any answers, even though she made it clear that this is what she was hoping for. I simply honoured her for continuing to love someone in spite of the fact that she knows she cannot stay in the relationship. I only shared how great it was that she seemed clear as to what she needed and wanted to do. She smiled and seemed to know what she needed to do. What I know for sure is that I did not know what she should do nor did I have any desire to be some wise guru of some sort and present her with any kind of a solution. Instead I was able to hear her message and to listen with love and hug here and walk away. I did not need to fix her either.
Then there was another woman who asked me if I thought a life coach could help her to continue to utilise the diet from the program at home. The impression that I got was that she felt she would struggle with the diet and not be able to maintain it. I could have offered my services to here and I felt like I was close to doing just that, but what became clear to me was that I needed to covet my time and energy for myself. I thought about how it was my nature to want to jump up and accept this kind of challenge professionally and personally, but instead I vetoed that and voted for myself to be first and more important than money or someone else. I did share that if she felt she could utilise a life coach then she was likely on the right track. For me, that is all I needed to do. Nothing more nothing less. She is one of the many teachers on my journey and I have the intention to hear each one out and get focused back on my own healing work, because very honestly I have enough to do in the area of my own health and well being.
Being in a place of self-caring is sometimes still foreign to me and very honestly I am still in a learning place in this area. So much of my life has been about helping someone out of their hole and ignoring myself. Many of us know this to be a familiar pattern. I think for me it was and sometimes still is about not addressing what I need to address by avoiding it and placing the focus elsewhere, on someone else. With the onset of this health opportunity I have come to know the urgency of addressing my own needs and placing the emphasis where it needs to be, on me. There is a part of me that feels silly for not knowing this all along but I also know that poorly judging myself is not going to cure me nor will it heal the past mistakes. Although I cannot be addressing other's needs so much as before this is something that I had to learn and that I must take seriously. No one can be more important than me now and no one can take a front seat to the ride I call life.
So here I am in a place like OHI eating the right foods, resting when I need to, taking walks, doing yoga and addressing every aspect of who I am and what bought me here. The wheat grass, the diet, the exercise and the early morning start is and will continue to be what may very well be my life saver. And then of course their is the belief in Spirit, the prayers and the meditation. I have been forced to this end where I have to do it or decide not to. I have to make a decision to save my life in spite of what goes on around me with others. I have to make myself first or I will fail at healing and I will fail to show up for Elliott.
A lot of you can feel me and know what I am talking about here. Many of you have experienced this phenomenon. This lack of responsibility to oneself and this race to run away from our feelings and the work that needs to get completed. I send light to each of you and a knowing that you are wise enough to know what you are doing.
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