Mission Death
Today I realized that you cannot live unless your willing to die. This premise is more than just about my fear of dying or not but more about the willingness to see my body as the outer shell. And that once that body is gone it is just the body that leaves and nothing else. What I am learning is that yes life is to be lived and no don't be in fear about death, but I have also leaned into the notion that I am not my body, that is just the physical manifestation and that is all that is it. I am not certain why this resonates so much for me now than ever but it does and so I will just be with it since I no longer feel a desire to explain everything nor do I want it all explained to me. All I know is that I am embracing this notion that I am not the body, I am the spirit and the soul. That what matters most now for me is that I am a spirit and that I have this endless soul that will move out of my body some day just like it's going to move out of yours. Just like it is meant to separate from each and every loved one and each and every friend and each and every stranger. It feels like a universal law of living. We get so attached to our bodies that we cannot detach from it and move into our highest place of wisdom. Our body is the focus and it easily that focus because that is what we see in the mirror and that is what others see and that is what others comment about us. Our beautiful hair, our eyes, our polished nails, our wonderful smile and while that is great to an extent none of our physicality is actually our deepest self.
I know that some of you may be asking, especially those who know me and know how much pride I take in presenting this physical self I call Elliott, Maximo, Dad, Grandpa, Tito and Cuddles. I take a lot of pride in presenting myself in a way that honours me and honours those around me. I am especially doing so now at OHI as I place my best missionary persona forward. The difference now is that I do so in a way that does not invest the ego but in a way that is solely for the purpose of loving Elliott Maximo, the inside of the person who lives where my spirit lies. Now I present Elliott in a way that invites connection because everything else makes the outer shell secondary and in this divine space people get that. We after all are all here to heal something: our spirit, our hearts, our bodies, our emotions to name a few. I know that I have borrowed this body and I also know that it is good to care for it but not to get too attached to it. I am sure now that my temple is on the inside more so than it is on the outside because all the vital parts are there I don't have to think about my heart or that it will beat, it just does and I am grateful for that.
Tomorrow we have testimonials in the morning first thing. The guests are provided a chance to share their experience and at times it is surely a testimonial to this organization that has helped so many heal their entire being. I may share some of my own experiences about how wonderful and blessed I feel to have witnessed a man with MS force his body to move in a way that expressed a dance even though the pain was likely excruciating. I may share that one night I prayed to God that the food would taste better to me and that now it not only does but I actually enjoy it and look forward to it. I may even share some deep secret about me, like that I am not as wise as I think I am or even dream to be and that I don't really give a fuck about it. Well, maybe not drop the F bomb. Whatever I share doesn't really matter because I am here to hold the light for someone else and not for myself. I may not share anything and I will be good with that, as long as I have been a vessel for others. My testimonial is that I am here and that all I know is to stay here and continue to have the faith of a tiny little mustard seed. Really in the end that tiny bit of faith is going to take me to the next level of healing.
I am going to retire now at 1:20am and yet my soul wants to say much more. I am being tapped on the shoulder by spirit and I am being asked to let the inside of this shell rest: the mind, the heart, all the internal organs need a little rest now. I am wishing everyone out there in the world to become whole in knowing that you too are not your body. You are your soul.
I know that some of you may be asking, especially those who know me and know how much pride I take in presenting this physical self I call Elliott, Maximo, Dad, Grandpa, Tito and Cuddles. I take a lot of pride in presenting myself in a way that honours me and honours those around me. I am especially doing so now at OHI as I place my best missionary persona forward. The difference now is that I do so in a way that does not invest the ego but in a way that is solely for the purpose of loving Elliott Maximo, the inside of the person who lives where my spirit lies. Now I present Elliott in a way that invites connection because everything else makes the outer shell secondary and in this divine space people get that. We after all are all here to heal something: our spirit, our hearts, our bodies, our emotions to name a few. I know that I have borrowed this body and I also know that it is good to care for it but not to get too attached to it. I am sure now that my temple is on the inside more so than it is on the outside because all the vital parts are there I don't have to think about my heart or that it will beat, it just does and I am grateful for that.
Tomorrow we have testimonials in the morning first thing. The guests are provided a chance to share their experience and at times it is surely a testimonial to this organization that has helped so many heal their entire being. I may share some of my own experiences about how wonderful and blessed I feel to have witnessed a man with MS force his body to move in a way that expressed a dance even though the pain was likely excruciating. I may share that one night I prayed to God that the food would taste better to me and that now it not only does but I actually enjoy it and look forward to it. I may even share some deep secret about me, like that I am not as wise as I think I am or even dream to be and that I don't really give a fuck about it. Well, maybe not drop the F bomb. Whatever I share doesn't really matter because I am here to hold the light for someone else and not for myself. I may not share anything and I will be good with that, as long as I have been a vessel for others. My testimonial is that I am here and that all I know is to stay here and continue to have the faith of a tiny little mustard seed. Really in the end that tiny bit of faith is going to take me to the next level of healing.
I am going to retire now at 1:20am and yet my soul wants to say much more. I am being tapped on the shoulder by spirit and I am being asked to let the inside of this shell rest: the mind, the heart, all the internal organs need a little rest now. I am wishing everyone out there in the world to become whole in knowing that you too are not your body. You are your soul.
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