Mission Simple
Today was my day off here. I get the luxury of one day a week off and I try to use it as wisely as possible. I also attempt to avoid being too visible and lay as low and under the radar as I can. I went shopping at Target, Ross and at Kohl's a short distance away because I was fortunate enough that another missionary lent me her car. I am truly having a time of it accepting that I don't have the mobility to go where I want to go by getting into my own car whenever I please. I also am in the knowing that I need to stay put and not get to invested in the goings and comings of the world out there. It seems as it should be yet frankly I felt like I had been let out of prison and with that all the aggressive driving behaviour started to creep up. Nissan Altima is a very fast car! I could have kept the car for longer but opted to return once I had done enough damage on my credit-debit card. I was content to have a little fix and take a little time out. Fortunately I was not tempted to eat the small pizza at the eatery at Target, amen to that. I must add that I shopped faster than I would normally and avoided looking at chocolate or any other food drug of choice. Needless to say, mission accomplished.
I have been thinking a lot about simplifying and I continue to get guidance around just that. I am reminded over and over to stay present and to keep things simple, so I listened. Life lived this way is truly a blessing while at the same time a bit foreign. I use to be more aligned with the thought that things needed to be, were or had to be complicated, that nothing was simple. Now I am so much on the other side of the spectrum and in this positive knowing that I only need to breath and allow myself to be in the flow. I know, I keep repeating that but I cannot help but to. Today I felt myself take myself back several times to the present moment, like in the one class I attended titled: "Self-esteem". The instructor started out asking each person what they loved about themselves. It seemed empowering for some and quite odd to others. Afterwards the instructor shared a concern of a former guest. He shared: "Isn't it conceited and arrogant to talk about or focus on what you love about yourself so much?" To which the instructor responded with: "loving ourselves has nothing to do with arrogance, we are arrogant when we don't love ourselves". Such a simple and true statement with such a high impact on me. It was once again a reminder that life is pretty simple and that those simple truths are our guides in life. It does not need to be complicated or contrived. It does not need to be crazy and confusing. It does not need to be intellectual or articulate. It's all about the simple truths. That's it!
No matter how much I try to avoid the things that are destined for me they will come to me. In fact any attempt to avoid is intervened by goddess in her own magical way. Today was a stunning example of it. Most of my time was spent by myself and it was as it should be and the rest of it was spent having dinner where I placed my book on a table for four. As goddess would have it I ended up seated to someone who needed to co-create with me and once more become my teacher. This time she was not wearing a mink coat like the last one. This time what stood out was the fact that her blue eyes were a little glossy and that something was being held inside or so I gathered. She had not an ounce of hesitation as she shared her story about a conflict she had with another guest. She felt she had handled it poorly and that she became arrogant, that his was her usual MO. She went on to say that she wanted to stop doing this when she was in disagreement with others and that she often times becomes hostile when she is triggered around political issues. She seemed more concerned about the man she had the debate with but then became concerned about how she holds onto things like this. I asked her to simply forgive herself and to become less concerned about the outcome for him but rather to put the focus back on her heart and her feelings. I shared that I was proud of her for her knowing and willingness to look at herself. I listened more attentively than I have in the past and before I knew it she had figured it out for herself. I did not once again have to tell her what she needed to do or try to save her. I held a space for her to which she noted my paternal instinct and my intuition when I asked her if she'd checked in with her inner little girl. She decided she would write a forgiveness statement and when she attempted to repeat the sentence, " I always am so aggressive" I simply added: "In the past..."and asked her not to continue to affirm what she use to do or be or believed to be the truth about things that did not serve her, possibly giving it power. I could see a serge of emotion in her and it is as things unfold when one is co-creating with another human being. She was in deep gratitude for our time together, all which took place very publicly. Then the girl next to her looked at her and said: "It looks like he made you feel better
and all I could think of was that I did not do anything to make her feel better, we simply worked as co-creating human beings.
I am learning quickly and day by day that I am not here to seek out anything or anyone. I am not here to make a good impression. I am really not here to show off my talents or credentials. I am not here to be validated. I am not even here to shine, really. I am here be in my spiritual light and I don't need to know anything else. Not even if I will be cured. The fact remains that if I am healed and I am not cured I will be healed anyway. This venue, this time, this space, this moment and this experience is all that I am being invited to stay with.
I have been thinking a lot about simplifying and I continue to get guidance around just that. I am reminded over and over to stay present and to keep things simple, so I listened. Life lived this way is truly a blessing while at the same time a bit foreign. I use to be more aligned with the thought that things needed to be, were or had to be complicated, that nothing was simple. Now I am so much on the other side of the spectrum and in this positive knowing that I only need to breath and allow myself to be in the flow. I know, I keep repeating that but I cannot help but to. Today I felt myself take myself back several times to the present moment, like in the one class I attended titled: "Self-esteem". The instructor started out asking each person what they loved about themselves. It seemed empowering for some and quite odd to others. Afterwards the instructor shared a concern of a former guest. He shared: "Isn't it conceited and arrogant to talk about or focus on what you love about yourself so much?" To which the instructor responded with: "loving ourselves has nothing to do with arrogance, we are arrogant when we don't love ourselves". Such a simple and true statement with such a high impact on me. It was once again a reminder that life is pretty simple and that those simple truths are our guides in life. It does not need to be complicated or contrived. It does not need to be crazy and confusing. It does not need to be intellectual or articulate. It's all about the simple truths. That's it!
No matter how much I try to avoid the things that are destined for me they will come to me. In fact any attempt to avoid is intervened by goddess in her own magical way. Today was a stunning example of it. Most of my time was spent by myself and it was as it should be and the rest of it was spent having dinner where I placed my book on a table for four. As goddess would have it I ended up seated to someone who needed to co-create with me and once more become my teacher. This time she was not wearing a mink coat like the last one. This time what stood out was the fact that her blue eyes were a little glossy and that something was being held inside or so I gathered. She had not an ounce of hesitation as she shared her story about a conflict she had with another guest. She felt she had handled it poorly and that she became arrogant, that his was her usual MO. She went on to say that she wanted to stop doing this when she was in disagreement with others and that she often times becomes hostile when she is triggered around political issues. She seemed more concerned about the man she had the debate with but then became concerned about how she holds onto things like this. I asked her to simply forgive herself and to become less concerned about the outcome for him but rather to put the focus back on her heart and her feelings. I shared that I was proud of her for her knowing and willingness to look at herself. I listened more attentively than I have in the past and before I knew it she had figured it out for herself. I did not once again have to tell her what she needed to do or try to save her. I held a space for her to which she noted my paternal instinct and my intuition when I asked her if she'd checked in with her inner little girl. She decided she would write a forgiveness statement and when she attempted to repeat the sentence, " I always am so aggressive" I simply added: "In the past..."and asked her not to continue to affirm what she use to do or be or believed to be the truth about things that did not serve her, possibly giving it power. I could see a serge of emotion in her and it is as things unfold when one is co-creating with another human being. She was in deep gratitude for our time together, all which took place very publicly. Then the girl next to her looked at her and said: "It looks like he made you feel better
and all I could think of was that I did not do anything to make her feel better, we simply worked as co-creating human beings.
I am learning quickly and day by day that I am not here to seek out anything or anyone. I am not here to make a good impression. I am really not here to show off my talents or credentials. I am not here to be validated. I am not even here to shine, really. I am here be in my spiritual light and I don't need to know anything else. Not even if I will be cured. The fact remains that if I am healed and I am not cured I will be healed anyway. This venue, this time, this space, this moment and this experience is all that I am being invited to stay with.
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