The New Mission

I have been thinking all day today about what my mission is and although it's not quite clear yet I get closer to what it means and what it is by the moment.  It becomes more clear when I can put my legs up on the bed and take the time to allow clarity to have it's way into me.  I can only do this when I get quiet because quieting my mind is the only way to hear what God has to say to me.  Right now what I hear is that I just not hold onto the fear and that I take the time to love me in this moment, embracing whatever time I have right here and right now.  The alternative seems to be to rush myself into fear, worry resentment and anger.  Right now it almost seems like the most logical place to be is somewhere in acceptance and in a fierce reality of my very own.  I wish I knew what it all meant and then again I am reminded that I don't hold that key right now.  I am only afforded this moment of calm and this moment of expression however small and however insignificant I or anyone else may see it.

I have come to know that my mission is this moment and that it is in this moment that I chose my mission or allow it to be chosen for me if I am truly guided.  It sometimes feels forced because each day is a surprise and you just never know what is inside the chocolates of life.  It could be tasty caramel or it could be bitter dark chocolate, but the more I expect the less I get.  I only get when I allow it to unfold organically without having all these demands on myself or others. I only win if I am willing to lose and at the very least not concerned about always winning.  I only see clearly if I am willing to see the blurry parts as a normal sequence that will eventually take me to a place where there is love.  I only get to triumph if I am OK with losing everything or at least some things.

I am holding on to this vision but this time it may not be the same one started in November but rather a brand new one.  It is the one goddess has planned and that is unclear to me at the moment.  I will likely be brought to my knees.  I may even end up spiritually lifted.  Or maybe I will just know.  Or perhaps I won't ever know.





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