Coach Elliott

Today I was once again reminded that open dialog is the best way to clear things up when a relationship is worth saving.  What we often times forget is that when we close down and put up walls we are in effect ending a situation that could have otherwise been salvaged.  For many of us the messages we get that feel negative are many times a calling to be more understanding and not personalize everything others do or say.  Getting the clarity we need is an essential part of relationship building and feelings of trust with others.  Many times we are not aware of what we are doing that effects another person but when we stop and become honest with others we can reach an understanding that will put us back on track. Words are funny because when they are texted or emailed to another person they can and do get misunderstood .  We must remember that when we are sending messages and not use texts to relay important information that should be discussed by phone or perso...

Some of us are not aware of the fact that most serial killers are white and about 30-35 years old, usually male.  For those people running from people of color it may be a fact they might consider the next time they decide to run, especially because they are running from the wrong people.  As a man of color with friends of all colors and backgrounds I like to share this bit of information if not just for clarity.  This way people know who to run from first. For those of you who are not aware of who Charles Manson was, he was likely one of the most cold blooded people on the planet who convinced others that he was the second coming of Christ.  Those followers were mostly females and mostly if not exclusively Anglo.  They were young and some were even considered attractive and smart women.  As his first endeavor Manson convinced a few women and a male follower to kill Sharon Tate and her then husband Roman Polansky.  They literally broke into the hom...

Continued: Arrive early not Late:  Getting to your interview early is a statement that you are a person who makes sure you get to work on time.  It tells others that you are responsible and that in fact you are willing to arrive early if needed.  In companies where you are going to make a salary regardless of the hours you work, they are looking for someone who is willing to go the extra mile and work the extra hours when it is busy season.  Being late also makes a statement and believe me when I tell you it is likely one that will be a sure path to not getting the job.  If you have a legitimate reason for being late, call ASAP and apologize  when you arrive late.  I say give yourself plenty of extra time to arrive so that if something happens you are still on time. Be aware of your body:  Stay tuned in to your body and what it may be saying.  Sit up straight and maintain a great posture.  Be careful not to nod a no when you a...

I interviewed teachers and other staff for a school for 14 years.  What I learned came from all of the mistakes people would make that would give me the impression that they were not a good match for the job.  On the other hand I took note of the characteristics that influenced me to hire someone without any doubt in my mind.  I slowly became better and better at determining a good match for a job and a person who would do a great job. When I went on an interview for United Airlines I dressed in a navy blue blazer white button down shirt, navy and burgundy tie, tan pants and loafers.  I was not so surprised when I was one of the few selected from a large group where many people were eliminated, most of whom wore clothing that was not just bad but truly inexcusable.  It was then that I understood that dressing for the job one is interviewing for is very important and an essential part of the process.  Whether you are interviewing for a major bank or an el...

Many of us have a terrible fear of being alone.  What I have observed in others is that they do not like to be alone because then they might have to face their reality and their reality is not pleasant. Yet for many this lonely feelng could be addressed by healing what is going on inside, usually past pain.  Although running away from our feelings seems like a viable option in most cases we can only run so far before we find that we are with our feelings once again.  People who run from their feelings are often times the same ones who live in an environment they do not like because they have not taken the time to make it into one that they love or feel good inside of.  It is important to note that people who are avoiding their self usually schedule themselves to stay busy so as not to address their feelings. So how do we become comfortable with being alone?  Here are some ideas:  Make your environment beautiful in every aspect:  Where you live say...

For most of us, starting over is related to a break up, a divorce, ending a friendship or doing things differently than before.  When we realize that something is missing in our life we can easily attribute it to something that has happened to us that is asking us to live life differently than before.  Even though there is fear inside of us around starting over the best thing to do is to allow ourselves to grieve the past and give ourselves the permission to move into a new place in our life, one that looks more like what we wanted and needed all along.  A life that is in our highest vibration and in our highest good. Learning to start over again is a process that most of us have difficultly with but there are some simple ways to begin the life you really deserve:  Go on a vacation for 4-5 days:  After a break up or starting over one of the best things we can do is go on a short vacation.  Taking 4-5 days off will help us to sort things out in our mind...

continued: 8.  Is focused on what you are lacking:  When a person has much to say about the way you look they are likely not the person you would like to spend a long period of time with.  They will make negative comments about the way you are dressed, your weight or the fact that you have too much make-up on.  Anyone who is focused on making you feel you are not good enough as you are should raise a huge red flag.  Even casual comment are a reason for concern. 9.  Is needy and looking to be served over serving:  We know how needy people behave and even if we don't we will feel it because they will begin to wear us down from all their requests, often times on a daily basis.  When the person you are seeing is needy and constantly asking to be served this is a reason to be concerned.  Needy people ask too much of us and when they do it is hard to satisfy them.  Many times needy people are not ones who like to give back or be reciproc...

When we meet someone who is attractive and seems to be a nice person we believe we have found someone to love and hopefully someone who will love us and treat us well.  Unfortunately many times we fail to see the early signs that are yellow flags and then later the red flags.  It is natural for us to want to believe that the person we have met is the one who is meant for us but in reality there will be many people we are meant to meet in order to figure out what we do not want.  In fact we will likely meet more people who are not a good match for us than ones that are.  This is when we need to think clearly and see what is in front of us without biases and without judgements.  Here are some early signs that the person in front of you is not for you: 1.  No boundaries:  People who tell jokes at your expense or cross your boundaries or comfort zone are ones who may lack boundaries.  These are the people who will say things that are not nice and c...

Sorry but no one has the complete list of things that will make us happier, not even me.  Although I admit that I don't have all the answers, I do know that there are some key ways to make your life a happy one.  I can also be honest and say that I have been through some truly trying situations that would be cause for deep sadness or anger, yet I have gotten through it with a little happiness searching and by finding my own personal reason to be happy.  Some of you have been through some very difficult times but you like me must not allow those things to define you nor follow you all your life.  Here are some ways to get your mojo back: Create an environment that is happier: The very first thing you should do this day is to look at your home environment and determine if it is a happy one.  If you believe that it is not a joyful place to live in then it is time to work on it.  It may be a time when you decide to paint your home or make it more organized a...

The early signs are the ones we sometimes ignore.  These are the signs that will tell a woman whether this is a man they would like to be with or someone who early on is not the right man for them based on his behaviors early on.  Here are some early signs of behaviors that raise a red flag and would be a good reason not to pursue a long term connection with a man:  How he treats others in public places: A man who would treat wait staff in restaurants poorly is the kind of man you don't want to be with.  Men who treat service employees like salespeople or cashiers or wait staff badly are ones who would be more likely to treat you poorly.  Men who lose their temper with people who are there to serve others is the kind of man who will lose his temper with you just the same.  Take note of how a man you are dating treats others in public venues. What he says about others including his parents: A man who has conflicts with family members, especially a lot of...

Often times we ignore the signs that tell us that we should move on.  The earliest signs are the ones we must take seriously and act on because the longer we excuse a man the more likely things will get much worse.  Abuse against women is not tapering off and in fact has become much worse.  For this reason women must know the signs that tell her when to make her exit and do so expeditiously.  When women ignore the early signs about a man she is truly asking for things to become worse and is allowing herself to be clouded by superficial things like looks, sexual attraction or money.  Here are some early signals that tell you it is time to make your exit quickly: 1. He is really not that into you or too heavily into you:  If from the start a man is either disinterested or easily distracted that is a sign that he is not into you.  If a man on the other hand behaves as though he is only interested in you and nothing else and it seems too good to be true...

There is a two-week program at O.H.I (The Optimum Health Insitutue) where one does a daily exercise that includes forcing yourself to laugh.  The premise of doing such a thing is because laughter is healing and for many of us helps us to put things into prespecitive.  Laughter is in fact known to be healing and let's be honest when we are laughing we forget our troubles at least for the moment.  For this very reason we cannot forget to laugh and find ways to laugh.  It is the laughter and the ability to continue to laugh that sends that message of survival to our brains.  If we can continue to laugh then we are at one time knowing that things are not as bad or unsermountable as we may think.  That there is a way out and that how we are feeling in the moment is not the very last feelng that we will have.  In fact people who are dying often times will die smiling and on ocassion laughing. The ability to laugh in the face of adversity and in spite of th...

Whenever I am on the subject of religion I am sure to clarify that I am spiritual and not religious.  I am not against any particular religion although I do sometimes in jest share that I am a 'recovering Caltholic".  Yet in every religion I find there is a common thread and for me that common thread is spirituality.  I find there is a difference between religion and spiritual thoughts or practices.  For me, spirituality is the deepest part of who we are as human beings.  It is the part of us that motivates us to love others and to serve in every way we can in a world where there is a need for it.  Religion is something we may practice and it can very well connect with our spiritual beliefs.  For many as well as me, religion is an organization and a place where we worship whereas spirituality is a feeling, a belief and a deep practice in life.  Spirituality is what tells us that we are all connected and that we are all equal and here to serve one ...

Many years ago a teacher that worked under my administration responded to another co-worker by saying to her: "don't hate, appreciate".  Since then I have heard this in my head every time someone is gossiping about someone else and failing to see that there is something to appreciate in every human being.  If like the "Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz we add a fifth agreement: appreciate others rather than hating on them: the world would be a much more lovely place to live in.  So often times we are ready to be critical of others rather than to wait and see if that person shows up as a positive and kind source in our life.  We dismiss others so easily without thinking about their value as a human being and understanding that like us they too have some character flaws.  That every person out there is human and that like us they deserve to be given a chance. When we appreciate others we are saying that they have value.  When we don't we are saying that t...

Now that I have your attention let me be honest and say that this is not about literally making perfect lemonade but rather making lemonade out of life's lemons.  This evening I know only too well how it feels because as I rushed to shave, get dressed nicely, put on my Chanel Bleu, I found that my car was leaking some red liquid.  Then when I went to look under the car my iPhone 4 crashed to the ground and cracked nicely.  Thank God I did not upgrade to the 6 right?  And so my lovely plan to go to hear Angel Melendez and his orchestra play some hot salsa has been foiled.  All the rushing around resulted in Sprit sending me the message: "you my beloved are not going anywhere in that kind of a rush". One of the things that comes to my mind when things like this happen is that they are happening for a reason.  It may not be the right timing to do something we wanted to do or we are being delayed so that we do not experience some dangerous situation or one th...

I am uncertain as to how many of my readers know what I mean about putting your skirt over your head.  All I know is that my sister once said it and I think I heard it in a movie once.  I do know that in the movie "Mermaids" Cher who played the mom had some great lines about being a woman and just having a good time with life.  In one of those what should be famous lines Cher's daughter played by Winnona Ryder says: "Don't you think yoiiu are too old for that dress?"to which Cher responds with: "Don't be silly Charlotte, a woman is never too old".  In another part there is a stunning young man waiting on their porch to welcome them to the country area where they moved and upon setting eyes on him Winnona Ryder who is Charlotte is mezmerized by him.  Cher suddenly turns around and says: "too bad your hell bent on becoming a nun".  To say that Cher truly pulls the dress over her head is really minimizing her role in this movie that I wo...

This sunny morning a friend whom I love who happens to be Black sent me a video about a white police officer who plants drugs on a Black man and as a result he ends up sentenced to four years in prison.  Eventually it was uncovered that the cop had been falsely accusing other men of color, to which he confessed doing.  The gentle man was released from prison and as life would have it ends up at a job where he is working with the former cop.  The cop apologizes to the man and not only did he forgive him he befriends him.  In the video the cop stated that they are now good friends and that the other day the man he accused told him he loved him and that this left him in tears.  When the man of color was asked: "Did you fogive him for yourself or him?  His answer stunned the reporter when he stated: "I fogave him for both of us, all of us" (referring to all of humanity). The words of this man truly inspired me and as some of you know I am currently on my own ...

This sunny morning a friend whom I love who happens to be Black sent me a video about a white police officer who plants drugs on a Black man and as a result he ends up sentenced to four years in prison.  Eventually it was uncovered that the cop had been falsely accusing other men of color, to which he confessed doing.  The gentle man was released from prison and as life would have it ends up at a job where he is working with the former cop.  The cop apologizes to the man and not only did he forgive him he befriends him.  In the video the cop stated that they are now good friends and that the other day the man he accused told him he loved him and that this left him in tears.  When the man of color was asked: "Did you fogive him for yourself or him?  His answer stunned the reporter when he stated: "I fogave him for both of us, all of us" (referring to all of humanity). The words of this man truly inspired me and as some of you know I am currently on my own ...

Some people believe that forgiving others means that we then become friends with all the people who we perceive have wronged us.  Not!  Forgiving others simply means that we release ourselves from the anguish that we may be experiencing because of our anger towards them.  My grandmother said it very well: "I can forgive but I don't forget".  It is the women who have experienced repeated abuse that forgive the abuser and forget what he did to her.  On the other hand the person who has been abused and forgives but does not forget can perhaps walk away from the abuser.  Forgetting the bad behavior of another person can lead us back into a connection with that person, while remembering and forgiving will set us free.  We can know that this person is not for us yet do our best to understand that the abuser is in pain and in need of prayer.  As hard as this may seem it is the only way to go forward after the experience and the pain. The way that forgi...

Today I met a woman who was from Columbia who just moved to the US six months ago.  During our conversation she shared how frustrated she was because she did not yet speak English.  She told me that in Columbia she was a therapist and that it is so hard for her to overcome the things that are being presented to her in her life right now.  She said that it seems like other Latinos here are jealous and don't like to help each other.  This perception surprised me in a way because what I have found is that Latinos are relatively kind and share their things with others.  I shared this with her and she seemed surprised.  It was to me a perception that she had in only a short time in the United States.  I told her to give herself time and to open her heart up to whatever love comes her way.  I then gave her my number and email and told her to be free to call and maybe join me and some friends when we went to dance salsa.  She seemed happy and yet I ...

Never force love and attention onto people who are not ready to gracefully and lovingly receive it. Elliott Maximo Collazo July 7, 2016 This is my share to those I love and to the people who have taken the time to connect with me.  Like many of you I have attempted to force my love and attention on people who are not ready or that do not know what to appropriately do with my love.  I have spent many years of my life trying to get people to like me by giving them exactly what I thought they wanted from me.  What I know today is that this is not just a waste of time and energy, it is a waste of my love.  This is not to say that I would not send love to people even if they are not in my life and even if they have left my life.  My purpose today is to send love to the people who did not love me back knowing fully that this is not something I need to feel is my fault. When we send love to others who cannot seem to love us back, we are doing what God intended wh...

Let me just share the why with all of you.  Spanish is the second most spoken language in the United States and although the Trumps of the world may not like it, we are here to stay, so is our language not to mention our food, our music and everything Latino.  I for one have made a conscious effort to speak Spanish even though it is my second language.  Interestingly enough there are many non-Latinos who are speaking Spanish, some of which have embraced my beautiful culture with an open heart in spite of the people who are limited and pretty much shut us down.  Unlike Donald Trump I am all for keeping every person who comes to the US here and welcome.  I won't talk about the criminals who have migrated to the US which includes people of every race becasue everyone here is an immigrant at some point and time or comes from one.  We stold this land from the Indians remember? I cannot count the numerous times when people have made crude comments because I was...

I use to cringe when people would say "be a good girl" to my daughters and I still dislike it when they say this to my granddaughters.  Although I dislike saying "good boy" to boys it really gets my goat more when they refer to girls.  The connotation in these words is that girls are suppose to be good in order to be liked and underneath the words there is this suspicious endeavor to control girls and to make them believe that if they comply they are good girls.  I personally believe this is a provincial thinking that is meant to keep girls in a position that has no rewards.  Instead of saying to a girl that she is "a good girl" I believe we should be saying things like "now that's girl power" so that the message that girls receive is that when they do things in an intentional way that this is empowering them and that when they make their own decisions they have just as much right to do so as boys. I will not forget when I was reading a sto...