Life Alone
Many of us have a terrible fear of being alone. What I have observed in others is that they do not like to be alone because then they might have to face their reality and their reality is not pleasant. Yet for many this lonely feelng could be addressed by healing what is going on inside, usually past pain. Although running away from our feelings seems like a viable option in most cases we can only run so far before we find that we are with our feelings once again. People who run from their feelings are often times the same ones who live in an environment they do not like because they have not taken the time to make it into one that they love or feel good inside of. It is important to note that people who are avoiding their self usually schedule themselves to stay busy so as not to address their feelings.
So how do we become comfortable with being alone? Here are some ideas:
Make your environment beautiful in every aspect:
Where you live says a lot about who you are. Invest time, love and effort into where you live, especially your bedroom. Create a home that is both comfortable and lovely with artifacts that mean something to you and at the same time an update that is fresh and clean. You don't have to have a lot of money to live well. Start with the space where you spend the most time and do not fail to create a sacred space where you meditate, read, and enjoy yourself by yourself.
Decide to stop running and instead face your feelings:
Face the feelings that have had you running, the ones you are running away from. Get the support you need to heal yourself and knwo that once you are healed you will be able to enjoy your own company and the feelings of being alone and lonely will begin to be less and less frequent. Addressing what it is that you are running from will be the very thing that will heal you.
Refuse to accept the myths attached to being single or alone:
Don't worry about what they say about being alone. You must know that being alone is natural and that we are not always in the company of others. My grandmother said it well" We are born alone and we die alone". It may seem crude but the fact is that we are not all cut out to be in a relationship all the time, every phase of our life. We must learn to live alone and enjoy our life without worrying about anyone else.
Do things in your home that have meaning:
When you are home do the things that bring you joy. Read wonderful books while listening to piano music, watch a funny movie, dance to some funky music you love, lay on a hammock in your yard and cook a wonderful meal. Learn to do those things that bring you joy inside your own home where you live and sleep.
Get use to taking yourself out to have fun:
When you are not at home or you feel like you need to get out, learn to do things on your own. Take yourself out to a movie or a bike ride in your neighborhood. Spend time planning some acivites on your own and learn to enjoy your own company.
Accept the fact that lonliness is sometimes normal and OK:
Remember that feelings, all kinds of feelings, even feelings of lonliness are normal. Do not judge yourself, just accept that feeling when it comes up and do all that you can to embrace it and then move beyond it. Tell yourself that what you are feeling is completely normal and think about what would be the best thing to do for yourself in that moment. It may be as simple as taking a warm bath or shower.
Being alone is something that I have learned to do in the past couple of years. What I realized is that being with someone at any cost is emotionally costly to me. Learning how to live alone has brought me to a place of peace and serenity that I had not experienced before. Although I like being with others I now choose to be with others or be with myself happily enjoying my life either way. When we learn to be alone we become our highest self identifying with the fact that we are a divine self whether we are coupled or not.
So how do we become comfortable with being alone? Here are some ideas:
Make your environment beautiful in every aspect:
Where you live says a lot about who you are. Invest time, love and effort into where you live, especially your bedroom. Create a home that is both comfortable and lovely with artifacts that mean something to you and at the same time an update that is fresh and clean. You don't have to have a lot of money to live well. Start with the space where you spend the most time and do not fail to create a sacred space where you meditate, read, and enjoy yourself by yourself.
Decide to stop running and instead face your feelings:
Face the feelings that have had you running, the ones you are running away from. Get the support you need to heal yourself and knwo that once you are healed you will be able to enjoy your own company and the feelings of being alone and lonely will begin to be less and less frequent. Addressing what it is that you are running from will be the very thing that will heal you.
Refuse to accept the myths attached to being single or alone:
Don't worry about what they say about being alone. You must know that being alone is natural and that we are not always in the company of others. My grandmother said it well" We are born alone and we die alone". It may seem crude but the fact is that we are not all cut out to be in a relationship all the time, every phase of our life. We must learn to live alone and enjoy our life without worrying about anyone else.
Do things in your home that have meaning:
When you are home do the things that bring you joy. Read wonderful books while listening to piano music, watch a funny movie, dance to some funky music you love, lay on a hammock in your yard and cook a wonderful meal. Learn to do those things that bring you joy inside your own home where you live and sleep.
Get use to taking yourself out to have fun:
When you are not at home or you feel like you need to get out, learn to do things on your own. Take yourself out to a movie or a bike ride in your neighborhood. Spend time planning some acivites on your own and learn to enjoy your own company.
Accept the fact that lonliness is sometimes normal and OK:
Remember that feelings, all kinds of feelings, even feelings of lonliness are normal. Do not judge yourself, just accept that feeling when it comes up and do all that you can to embrace it and then move beyond it. Tell yourself that what you are feeling is completely normal and think about what would be the best thing to do for yourself in that moment. It may be as simple as taking a warm bath or shower.
Being alone is something that I have learned to do in the past couple of years. What I realized is that being with someone at any cost is emotionally costly to me. Learning how to live alone has brought me to a place of peace and serenity that I had not experienced before. Although I like being with others I now choose to be with others or be with myself happily enjoying my life either way. When we learn to be alone we become our highest self identifying with the fact that we are a divine self whether we are coupled or not.
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