Don't Hate-Appreciate
Many years ago a teacher that worked under my administration responded to another co-worker by saying to her: "don't hate, appreciate". Since then I have heard this in my head every time someone is gossiping about someone else and failing to see that there is something to appreciate in every human being. If like the "Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz we add a fifth agreement: appreciate others rather than hating on them: the world would be a much more lovely place to live in. So often times we are ready to be critical of others rather than to wait and see if that person shows up as a positive and kind source in our life. We dismiss others so easily without thinking about their value as a human being and understanding that like us they too have some character flaws. That every person out there is human and that like us they deserve to be given a chance.
When we appreciate others we are saying that they have value. When we don't we are saying that they don't based on our opinion. Yet for every person we put aside and criticize there is a person out there, if not a few, that love that person and appreciate them. In addition, there are many people whom we misinterpret because inside of them there is a war going on about whether to trust others and show all of who they are, all of their potential. Often times the people we think are unworthy of our interaction or compassion are the very people who would do anything to be a good friend and to show up for others. The very people we do not give a chance to may very well be the ones we should consider connecting with. It is my thought that we should give every person an opportunity and understand that not everything about every person will be what we consider valuable or meaningful but that every person deserves a chance.
Some years back in a church I attended the pastor had held a book club. I cannot recall the name of the book but the theme is one I won't ever forget. It was all about who deserved God's grace. What came up for me was that everyone deserved it or no one deserved it. That I or no person could decide who deserved the grace and blessing of God. The criminals in jail deserved it as much as the doctors who operate on patients. The mentally ill people deserve it as much as the genius that works at Apple. What I found was that I could not determine who deserved god's blessings and that if I thought I did then everyone else did as well. When we think about how dreadful it would be to have a child abducted and killed by someone it makes us shutter with fear yet God says that this person deserved his grace. When a mother goes to talk to the man who murdered her son and forgives him it is then that we know of God's grace-forgiveness.
Everyone deserves to be appreciated and loved. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. We don't have a right to decide who deserves appreciation, love, respect or grace. We are simply not the judges of who deserves love and when we are gossiping about someone it is our own self-loathing that motivates that kind of behavior. I would like to advocate for a theme and this theme be "don't hate-appreciate". I would like to look at others around us and think: this person has something about them that others appreciate and is offering all that he or she can possibly offer with the tools she or he has. I would love to see us live in a world of knowing that each of us has special gifts and qualities worth acknowledging and appreciating. None of us deserve to be hated on.
Although disliking others for a variety of reasons we deem valid what we must consider is that whatever it is about that person that is triggering our negative opinion of them may very well be something we ourselves have a need to look at and consider healing. There may be a good reason to hate on someone for abusing us or for their treatment of us but in the end that hate will turn on us and make us miserable until we decide to let it go. The only way to do that is to in some small way appreciate that person and understand that they, like us, are imperfect in their perfection as a child of God. The only way to stop the hate and appreciate is to look inside of ourselves for the source of that hate. There will never be a good reason to hate, dislike, criticize or otherwise put someone down if we understand that what we emit we will get back. It is not worth it.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
When we appreciate others we are saying that they have value. When we don't we are saying that they don't based on our opinion. Yet for every person we put aside and criticize there is a person out there, if not a few, that love that person and appreciate them. In addition, there are many people whom we misinterpret because inside of them there is a war going on about whether to trust others and show all of who they are, all of their potential. Often times the people we think are unworthy of our interaction or compassion are the very people who would do anything to be a good friend and to show up for others. The very people we do not give a chance to may very well be the ones we should consider connecting with. It is my thought that we should give every person an opportunity and understand that not everything about every person will be what we consider valuable or meaningful but that every person deserves a chance.
Some years back in a church I attended the pastor had held a book club. I cannot recall the name of the book but the theme is one I won't ever forget. It was all about who deserved God's grace. What came up for me was that everyone deserved it or no one deserved it. That I or no person could decide who deserved the grace and blessing of God. The criminals in jail deserved it as much as the doctors who operate on patients. The mentally ill people deserve it as much as the genius that works at Apple. What I found was that I could not determine who deserved god's blessings and that if I thought I did then everyone else did as well. When we think about how dreadful it would be to have a child abducted and killed by someone it makes us shutter with fear yet God says that this person deserved his grace. When a mother goes to talk to the man who murdered her son and forgives him it is then that we know of God's grace-forgiveness.
Everyone deserves to be appreciated and loved. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. We don't have a right to decide who deserves appreciation, love, respect or grace. We are simply not the judges of who deserves love and when we are gossiping about someone it is our own self-loathing that motivates that kind of behavior. I would like to advocate for a theme and this theme be "don't hate-appreciate". I would like to look at others around us and think: this person has something about them that others appreciate and is offering all that he or she can possibly offer with the tools she or he has. I would love to see us live in a world of knowing that each of us has special gifts and qualities worth acknowledging and appreciating. None of us deserve to be hated on.
Although disliking others for a variety of reasons we deem valid what we must consider is that whatever it is about that person that is triggering our negative opinion of them may very well be something we ourselves have a need to look at and consider healing. There may be a good reason to hate on someone for abusing us or for their treatment of us but in the end that hate will turn on us and make us miserable until we decide to let it go. The only way to do that is to in some small way appreciate that person and understand that they, like us, are imperfect in their perfection as a child of God. The only way to stop the hate and appreciate is to look inside of ourselves for the source of that hate. There will never be a good reason to hate, dislike, criticize or otherwise put someone down if we understand that what we emit we will get back. It is not worth it.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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