A Love Letter to Moms

I have lived to be a grandfather and now it seems I may live to see a third grandchild some time soon.  I know what it feels like to be a husband and to be a father but nothing seems to be quite as special as being that guy that cannot do anything bad.  I get to be a rock star to four girls, two daughters and two granddaughters and yet there is something much more magical and that is being a mother.  I have always contended that no one can replace a mom, not even a dad and now that we lost my daughter's mother and my friend I know for sure for this to be the truth.  Not that this is a bad thing but that this is just the way it is.  For this reason a father does not carry a baby but rather the mother carrys her or him.  I won't soon forget that whatever mistakes my mother made I could now be in a place of complete forgiveness.  There is not longer a need to judge the woman who carried me for nine moths and as she so acutely put it: "I almost exploded you were so big".  I will not elaborate... 

I want badly to dedicate this blog to the mothers of my life who were the ones who not only had me but choose me: Isabel Gonzalez, Maria Perez Amelia Nieves, Luz Maria Luna-Collazo, Taina Rosa-Collazo and Camille Marie Collazo.  

To my great grandmother I only want to say: 

Thank you for allowing me to hang around you and breath the same air you did for 7 years of my life.  I will never forget the memory of you that is still to this day so vivid.  The daily prayer rituals, the wise look on your face, the few words that you said brought a wisdom to me that I am still trying to fully comprehend and fully move into.  With your long white Spaniard hair in a braid down to your waist I knew you were God's royalty.  

To my grandmother: 

I knew from the day I was born that I belonged to you because you choose to love me.  You helped my mother when she was in her darkest moments and ensured that we all ate well, looked beautiful and had the best lunch any kid could trade for extra candy.  You ruled like a queen in our home and honored a man that honored you and stuck up for yourself when women were not allowed to do that and not be gossiped about.  You taught me that God was inside of me and not inside the church.  You taught me to be a gentleman and a man of courage.  But most of all you taught me to pray as though it were a conversation with another human being. 

To Amelia: 

I never could have imagined a better mother in law and one that would be more like me.  I thought about adopting you but then you decided to love me without the paperwork.  Thank you for picking me and for supporting everything I dreamed of and everything your daughter yearned for.  Most of all the person that you were to me taught me that love comes in many colors and many forms.  

To Luz Maria: 

I did not realize when I married you that you were going to be my maternal mentor and help me to heal from a lot of pain and disappointments in my life.  I did not deserve you but you made it seem like I did.  To have gifted me with two daughters was by far the best gift I have ever received from any woman in my life time.  The day that you left me I understood fully that you loved me without you saying a word.  My beautiful wife and my prima ballerina, I thank you with all the I breathe.  

To Taina: 

When you were born I did not for a moment imagine that I would sometimes be the child and that you would be the mother figure.  I never dreamed that you would be that perfect mom that I yearned for as a child and that you would raise children that are so incredibly loving and above and beyond anything I was as a child.  Your brand of mother is simply the most compassionate form of love.  Thank you fro tolerating me and all of my flaws and thank you for understanding that I did my best.  But most of all thank you for loving me unconditionally.  

To Camille: 

The look on your face the when you were a little girl was wise beyond your years.  That is why I called you "Olivia" like the little baby in the movie "The Color Purple" who was taken from her mother and who she recognized when she saw her again at a country store.  She looked at her and she said something to the effect of: I know those eyes, what is her name?  The new mother said: her name and then said: "But I call her Olivia because she is wise beyond her years".  As a child you looked up at me as if to ask me about life even before you could speak.  There was a look of wisdom and of knowing something I did not know.  Now I know what that look was for it is who you are today: a wise woman who has conquered every thing that life  has dealt you and come up smiling.  Thank you for being a wonderful daughter and for nurturing me when I could not nature myself.