What Love Is Not
It is likely that many a girl recited "he loves me, he loves me not" while plucking the pedals off of a daisy they found somewhere in a field, at least according to the movie. I contend that instead of a little girl reciting "he loves me, he loves me not" she should be saying: "I love me, I love me not". This could grow into a lesson about self love and how that is what really matters. Instead we teach our girls that the opinion of some man she has not met yet and whether he alone loves her is all that matters. Sadly there are both girls and boys that have it all wrong when they worry more about what someone else thinks and whether they love them rather than to love themselves enough so that some other person's perception of love will not matter. So, repeat after me: "I love me, I love me not, I love me more because I know my value".
Our value does not and should never ever be contingent on what another person thinks of us or whether they love us for the rest of our life. Love is not about being loved by someone and believing that their approval of you is important. In fact that is not love, it is a game we play. We meet, we have sex, we get engaged, we get married all in the name of "I love him" or "I love her" when in fact we should be more concerned about whether we love ourselves enough to get through a break up which inevitably happens often. Instead of focusing on loving someone else and forgetting to love ourselves. Love is not subtracting the love we should have for our own person and giving it all to someone else. One day we wake up and what we realize is that being loved and loving someone is only a small part of living a full life. Living a whole life requires that we are sure that we love ourselves first and always before someone else. Love is not about being loved by someone but rather negotiating with another person you chose to spend some time with. It is much more about loving yourself enough to withstand any outcome that comes from caring about someone else.
Love is not sex and good sex will only last so long. It is a common mistake we make to determine if we are in fact in love or compatible. In reality physical attraction can happen later and the reality is that if you are not attracted to the personality of the other person, their interests and would pick them as a friend, love will not matter. As we all know there are many people in marriages that do not like their spouse and would not select them as a friend. Still we live with the false belief that love is different with one person than universal love. The fact is that love is love and only the type of love changes.
When my daughters were growing up and had close female friends they would share the perils of the relationship. Early on I shared that their friendship with other girls was practice for their first and consecutive relationships with boys. Things will go wrong in friendship and learning to negotiate with them is going to help us to negotiate in any relationship with anyone for any reason. What I saw happen with my oldest daughter was that she would become friends with boys before she decided to date them or to take it to the next level. IT seems dad's advise was taken seriously and it worked out. Early in any relationship this is what two people should look closely at. The question is: "Would I be friends with this person?" And "Am I comfortable around this person?". What love is not is this false notion that fireworks go off in your head and suddenly life is a dream. It is simply not the truth.
Love is not a lot of things:
Love is not selfish
Love is not judgemental
Love is not violent
Love is not an emotional game
Love is not sex
Love is not...
With that I will end my rant and ask of all of you to sit and make a list of what love is and is not. I want you to find that daisy and practice loving you the most reciting: "I love me, I love me more".
Our value does not and should never ever be contingent on what another person thinks of us or whether they love us for the rest of our life. Love is not about being loved by someone and believing that their approval of you is important. In fact that is not love, it is a game we play. We meet, we have sex, we get engaged, we get married all in the name of "I love him" or "I love her" when in fact we should be more concerned about whether we love ourselves enough to get through a break up which inevitably happens often. Instead of focusing on loving someone else and forgetting to love ourselves. Love is not subtracting the love we should have for our own person and giving it all to someone else. One day we wake up and what we realize is that being loved and loving someone is only a small part of living a full life. Living a whole life requires that we are sure that we love ourselves first and always before someone else. Love is not about being loved by someone but rather negotiating with another person you chose to spend some time with. It is much more about loving yourself enough to withstand any outcome that comes from caring about someone else.
Love is not sex and good sex will only last so long. It is a common mistake we make to determine if we are in fact in love or compatible. In reality physical attraction can happen later and the reality is that if you are not attracted to the personality of the other person, their interests and would pick them as a friend, love will not matter. As we all know there are many people in marriages that do not like their spouse and would not select them as a friend. Still we live with the false belief that love is different with one person than universal love. The fact is that love is love and only the type of love changes.
When my daughters were growing up and had close female friends they would share the perils of the relationship. Early on I shared that their friendship with other girls was practice for their first and consecutive relationships with boys. Things will go wrong in friendship and learning to negotiate with them is going to help us to negotiate in any relationship with anyone for any reason. What I saw happen with my oldest daughter was that she would become friends with boys before she decided to date them or to take it to the next level. IT seems dad's advise was taken seriously and it worked out. Early in any relationship this is what two people should look closely at. The question is: "Would I be friends with this person?" And "Am I comfortable around this person?". What love is not is this false notion that fireworks go off in your head and suddenly life is a dream. It is simply not the truth.
Love is not a lot of things:
Love is not selfish
Love is not judgemental
Love is not violent
Love is not an emotional game
Love is not sex
Love is not...
With that I will end my rant and ask of all of you to sit and make a list of what love is and is not. I want you to find that daisy and practice loving you the most reciting: "I love me, I love me more".
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