OMG It's a Miracle!

As a very young child my grandmother who seemed of no particular religion but said she considered herself Catholic shared what she deemed miracles.  I would listen attentively becasue she had a way with words, as I like to think of my own story telling, but moments after I heard it if not the next time darkness befell on me I dismissed it as fiction.  I just didn't beleive it, and it was that simple.  

As some may know life has since dealt me some truly challenging situations including my sister commuting suicide when I was in my late twenties and she was barely in her twenties.  The devastation I felt could not easily be put into words yet since then there have been other what I so nicely refer to as life tests.  Although I like to think I passed every one of them I dare not brag or try to entertain you with the details of the other things God has had me overcome.  

Today after all has been said and done I knew with certainty that miracles happen and that healing in large part is about trusting God to do his or her magic.  Mine are stories of healing but I admit I am done sharing those stories of survival because what I know today is that it was not my courage but the miracle works of Goddess.  I really had so little to do with it and the messengers he or she sent were powers by God, not I.  

There is not one ounce of me that does not believe and trust.  I don't wonder anymore as to why becasue mine is not to question it but to honor it.  Whatever I have gone through is not relevant at all and in fact as the reverend stated in his sermon a few Sunday's ago we are not the ones reponsible for our own accomplishments.  We like to say we are but the fact is that we have so little to do with it that it may not be worth mentioning.  

I use to love to share that I had not one, not two but three degrees.  My undergraduate degree and not one but two masters degrees.  Now the only thing I would like to brag about is that I am a happier person since I retired and that I thank God I never hung up those degrees as if they really meant something when in fact they are only as meaningful as the parts that were joyful.  Don't get me wrong I did experience some joy but in reality my joy today comes from allowing myself to be human and to brag more about the love of my family and not how many accomplishments in my life.  

I once saw and posted something that said: "I am not my accomplishments, I am what I have overcome".  Now I would add: I am not what I have accomplished or my three college degrees but rather the emotional and physical pain I have overcome with the healing hand of the Holy Spirit.  Yes, I know, some of you are in a state of surprise right?  Dust yourself off my beloved friends and family for I believe that they day has come for me.  I am still a work in progress.  

I don't say: "OMG, it's a miracle" our loud because I know better.  The miracle happened to me and I don't need to yell it out to others.  I don't have a need to say that I am a survivor of abuse because I am no longer being abused and what I am is happy.  I don't need to prove anything to anyone anymore because God has yielded me "all good" for now.  

I will end this with this thought.  I am not what I have accomplished I am a vulnerable, compassionate product of my experiences in life.  I know very little and I have little wisdom but the little I have I have been asked to share here and there.  The difference is that now I am being told that I no longer have to prove that I am a miracle or that I am big hero or that I am so refined but rather that I share all that I do with love in my heart.  I ended a conversation with someone who I sensed felt overwhelmed by stating: "All I know is that we must be willing to live life with intention".  

OMG, I am a miracle.