Respect: How to Get It

Carl was in a ten year relationship with a male.  Although there were red flags from the start, Carl ignored them.  Not only did he bypass what he knew to be true about Steve, he thought he would change him in the long run.  Carl is a Black man and Steve is white.  One of the things that Carl noted immediately was that Steve and his family joked often about other cultures including African Americans even going so far as to make light of the holocaust and Jewish people.  Carl ignored all of it believing that Steve was not on board but over time he realized that Steve would never confront his family when they made fun of the people of India or made a joke about Carl's "colorful clothing".  Carl endured a few years in the relationship because eventually he believed that the good outweighed the bad which was a complete lie he told himself.  After many years of tolerating the abuse and Steve calling him overly sensitive Carl finally got the courage to set boundaries.  When he did so Steve decided to end the relationship.  It was a clear sign that Steve not only expected Carl to continue to tolerate the disrespect from his family he was likely on board with his family's bigoted thinking.

Where we make the mistake in our life is where Carl made his.  We don't set clear boundaries with others and we don't tell ourselves the truth.  We don't set limits on what others can and cannot do and say around us and we are not honest about how we feel.  Setting limits means letting everyone know all the time what is acceptable to us and what is not.  Setting those limits is called setting clear boundaries.  When we set clear boundaries we tell others how we are to be treated and we are open about saying something when those boundaries are crossed or violated in any way shape or form.  Nothing will make our life more joyful than to be in our honesty about everything we expect and everything that we consider important and loving.  In the case of Carl he did not set his boundaries soon enough and once he realized it a long time had passed and by then he was accused of becoming too sensitive and of being dishonest.  In part the people who he feared and who crossed his sacred space were right.  He was not honest from the start and as a result it was hard to go back and ask for respect years later.  

Why should we set boundaries?  Here are some very good reasons: 

1. When we set boundaries we set ourselves up to be treated the way we should and want to be treated by others.  

2. Others know what is acceptable and not acceptable to us and over time will either respect that or walk out of our life because they want to continue their bad behavior that sabotages your relationship with them but moreover sabotages their own life experiences with others. 

3. When we set limits or boundaries we maintain a respectful, honest, healthy relationship with everyone we interact with.  Hence life is not just better, it is wonderful and fruitful. 

4. We are less likely to to be openly disrespected or dishonored when we let others know what is and is not for us.  

5. Setting and keeping boundaries is really what life is about.  Knowing what we want and how is vital to living a happy and healthy life.  

When we set limits we are clear and honest.  We trust what we ask of others and trust in ourselves.  We know what is acceptable to us and what we will never tolerate.  Setting boundaries is not just helping our own spiritual self but it is also helping others who by example will note that setting limits is only about love and about honoring the wishes of others, whether they think it is important to them or not.  If in your life you are in need of setting limits with someone you love, remember to do so with this thought in mind.  Set boundaries not to control or manipulate others but rather to improve your relationship with them and with the universe.  In this way you will live a more joyful exisitance and others around you will too.