Start Badly End Happily
My grandmother use to say " what starts badly ends badly" and some days I think she is so so very right about that, however I have to know that what starts badly can end happily because I would not be here right now if it were not for some alteration to this motto. I just cannot believe that when I wake up like I did this morning that the whole day would look that bleak and dark to me, especially the portion of the day where I give myself and injection to think my blood.
Today I woke up feeling helpless and thinking I could stay in bed all day but were it not for the fact that I was wide awake and thirsty. I felt my swollen leg and thought, "why me, why this?". Then I got up and gave myself my much needed injection and decided to start my day with my first cup of coffee and although I admit I had one too many it was a good jolt for me. I made the bed as usual first and washed up to go to the gym. My thoughts were simply dry and bland. I had a numb feeling inside me and the outside did not look so hot either. But as usual I get a call from a friend that lifts me up after I unload my disappointments and aches. It felt good. It just felt good to tell the truth about where I was at and how it felt to be alone and abandoned by someone I trusted. It was just that little bit of complaining and then I noted I let it go as she encouraged me to not make it my story. I have always found this goddess to be wise in her ways and once again I was able to release it and let it go. I don't know about anyone else but even I am sick of hearing it. Yikes.
So what started as this crazy down day turns out to be much better after I had my vitamin filled smoothie and did a workout for a few minutes. Just getting out of the house and feeling the sun on my head was a healing element. I must remember that what starts out badly does not have to end badly but rather that I can turn it around with my perception and with my attitude. I sent a love note to three of my friends and there it was, a joyful moment in time and switch from ugly to pretty nice. I know that Beyonce says "pretty hurts" but I disagree in this case. Making it pretty helps. Washing my face with a lovely warm towel helped. Brushing my teeth helped and reading from my Book of Awakening helped a lot. Allowing myself to be in the sadness and darkness helped. Getting up and away helped. It is putting that one foot in front of the other one. It all helps.
I can get up every day and understand that I have an illness. I can take that illness and make it my entire story all day long or I can just accept it and know there is another path and another way to look at it. I can be in a place of knowing that my illness does not define me and that my illness is not going to take over every moment of my day. I can still sing, dance and be present as long as I can let go and move forward. That is just the way goddess is asking me to live my life.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
Today I woke up feeling helpless and thinking I could stay in bed all day but were it not for the fact that I was wide awake and thirsty. I felt my swollen leg and thought, "why me, why this?". Then I got up and gave myself my much needed injection and decided to start my day with my first cup of coffee and although I admit I had one too many it was a good jolt for me. I made the bed as usual first and washed up to go to the gym. My thoughts were simply dry and bland. I had a numb feeling inside me and the outside did not look so hot either. But as usual I get a call from a friend that lifts me up after I unload my disappointments and aches. It felt good. It just felt good to tell the truth about where I was at and how it felt to be alone and abandoned by someone I trusted. It was just that little bit of complaining and then I noted I let it go as she encouraged me to not make it my story. I have always found this goddess to be wise in her ways and once again I was able to release it and let it go. I don't know about anyone else but even I am sick of hearing it. Yikes.
So what started as this crazy down day turns out to be much better after I had my vitamin filled smoothie and did a workout for a few minutes. Just getting out of the house and feeling the sun on my head was a healing element. I must remember that what starts out badly does not have to end badly but rather that I can turn it around with my perception and with my attitude. I sent a love note to three of my friends and there it was, a joyful moment in time and switch from ugly to pretty nice. I know that Beyonce says "pretty hurts" but I disagree in this case. Making it pretty helps. Washing my face with a lovely warm towel helped. Brushing my teeth helped and reading from my Book of Awakening helped a lot. Allowing myself to be in the sadness and darkness helped. Getting up and away helped. It is putting that one foot in front of the other one. It all helps.
I can get up every day and understand that I have an illness. I can take that illness and make it my entire story all day long or I can just accept it and know there is another path and another way to look at it. I can be in a place of knowing that my illness does not define me and that my illness is not going to take over every moment of my day. I can still sing, dance and be present as long as I can let go and move forward. That is just the way goddess is asking me to live my life.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
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