Start Badly End Happily

My grandmother use to say " what starts badly ends badly" and some days I think she is so so very right about that, however  I have to know that what starts badly can end happily because I would not be here right now if it were not for some alteration to this motto.  I just cannot believe that when I wake up like I did this morning that the whole day would look that bleak and dark to me, especially the portion of the day where I give myself and injection to think my blood.

Today I woke up feeling helpless and thinking I could stay in bed all day but were it not for the fact that I was wide awake and thirsty.  I felt my swollen leg and thought, "why me, why this?".  Then I got up and gave myself my much needed injection and decided to start my day with my first cup of coffee and although I admit I had one too many it was a good jolt for me.  I made the bed as usual first and washed up to go to the gym.  My thoughts were simply dry and bland.  I had a numb feeling inside me and the outside did not look so hot either.  But as usual I get a call from a friend that lifts me up after I unload my disappointments and aches.  It felt good.  It just felt good to tell the truth about where I was at and how it felt to be alone and abandoned by someone I trusted.  It was just that little bit of complaining and then I noted I let it go as she encouraged me to not make it my story.  I have always found this goddess to be wise in her ways and once again I was able to release it and let it go.  I don't know about anyone else but even I am sick of hearing it.  Yikes.

So what started as this crazy down day turns out to be much better after I had my vitamin filled smoothie and did a workout for a few minutes.  Just getting out of the house and feeling the sun on my head was a healing element.  I must remember that what starts out badly does not have to end badly but rather that I can turn it around with my perception and with my attitude.  I sent a love note to three of my friends and there it was, a joyful moment in time and switch from ugly to pretty nice.  I know that Beyonce says "pretty hurts" but I disagree in this case.  Making it pretty helps.  Washing my face with a lovely warm towel helped.  Brushing my teeth helped and reading from my Book of Awakening helped a lot.  Allowing myself to be in the sadness and darkness helped.  Getting up and away helped.  It is putting that one foot in front of the other one.  It all helps.

I can get up every day and understand that I have an illness.  I can take that illness and make it my entire story all day long or I can just accept it and know there is another path and another way to look at it.  I can be in a place of knowing that my illness does not define me and that my illness is not going to take over every moment of my day.  I can still sing, dance and be present as long as I can let go and move forward.  That is just the way goddess is asking me to live my life.

Elliott Collazo Gonzalez










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