Start of My Day

Today I am starting my day off with the appointment to address the swelling in my body.  It is so persistent that I feel like I am spinning my wheels but there is always that hope that this swelling from the cancer treatments will get better.  I dread it in part, even the drive there is a chore for me some days but I know I have to do this because in it there is that hope.  I hold onto that hope each and every day.

Once I am done there I will come home and make myself a chicken pizza from Trader Joe's.  I am looking forward to it since I've not tasted this one before.  Cooking for one person does not always make sense.  On the up side I still have some left over home made soup that my friend made for me in the fridge.  Like yesterday I don't eat during the day until like late afternoon or early evening but then I eat a lot.  I just take that to mean that this is how I will be able to eat and eat well.

Starting my day is like getting a jolt because it starts out with three cups of coffee.  Bad Elliott.  On good days when I am going to work out I do make a good smoothie with some great vitamins in it.  But today it is what it is and I will do my best.  Here goes the third cup of java.  OMG.  What was I thinking.  I just don't know.  But what I do know is not to be judging myself as bad or wrong.  It is just where I am at.

If we could accept where we are at then we can move into it.  Move into life as it is at the time and drink the java or eat the pizza and be done with it.  No shame, no blame and no guilt.  Just eat that pizza and enjoy it like I did the Wendy's burger yesterday equipped with fries and a large Dr. Pepper.  Aw what the hell.  Why not right?  What makes me wrong about doing that?

It's about time for me to get going to my treatments but before I go let me share this one thing with all of you.  Start your day any way you like.  Don't judge yourself about it and what you do or even what you eat.  Do the best you can with life and allow yourself your little treats here and there.  Go with it and start each day like it's brand new.  Take what you want from it and leave behind what might hinder you or take away from your happiness and stride.  Keep walking.  Put one foot in front o the other.  Just keep walking.





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