What's Sexuality Got to do With It?
In a place where we have a label for every kind of person, ethnicity and sexual orientation it is difficult to decide who we are and who others think we are. I for one use to call myself a gay man, sometimes in the old days homosexual. Now it is OK for people to call themselves queer. I am confused at times but to be honest I can see myself evolving into a man who would rather not have a label: gay, straight, bi, innocent or otherwise transgender. I for one would need to look up each category of person and their alleged sexuality.
I don't want a label. I was married for ten years to a female then married for ten years many years later to a male. I have for my own personal taste decided that I like women's company more than men's company and when I actively pursue someone that person will likely be a female. I am not really worried about whether she identifies as lesbian or bi or whatever. What I want is a great connection to a woman, one that I can travel with, be with and enjoy good times together. There does not have to be sex involved although frankly that would not be scary to me as it would be for some gay men I have talked to. I have seen a vagina, been inside one and don't find it so different or strange. I won't even feel like I was never a gay man for deciding to be in a loving place with a woman.
We all have our choices to make and mine is personal. I could elaborate as to why I love the feminine energy best and I think many people would find it frankly, boring. Not because woman are boring, just the contrary but because all of us really know that the feminine energy is very different from it's counterpart. I for one have been in several relationships with men and just don't find that they are fulfilling for me. Not that I don' think some men a aren't pretty and nice because there are surely some of those. Just that I am in a place in my life where I am in need of what I need and it is likely more of the character traits of a woman.
I know women. The reason that I know them is because I was married for ten years, have two adult daughters, two granddaughters and a long list of women friends. I got to know women out of a sense of longing for nurturing and from looking for my mom. What found was always this certain form of compassion, love and honoring and less competition and the need to be right. I found that I loved the yin and the yang of it even when the woman was just my friend. Even at those times when I could sense that she wanted something more, it still felt wonderful. I know women because of my grandmother and great grandmother who were my first female teachers, leaders of the feminist movement way before Gloria Steinam. Way before Jane Fonda. I learned early in life that the power of the female was not in her physical being but her emotionally being and her ability to handle emotional situations effectively, gently and leaving the man with his dignity. That is why I love women and that is why now it is an option for me. Why not? Who gets to say who gets to do what and love whom? Who makes these dumb rules.
Dumb rules like either you are straight or gay, bi or trans. Why do we have to be anything? Why do we have to pick? Why can't we be open just simply open gender. It took my sixty years on this earth to figure this one out and really I have not decided definitively. I am unsure as to what might be my thoughts tomorrow. What I know today is that I am being led to a woman who I think is out there awaiting my arrival. I can visualize her. I can almost see her. I could be so wrong and if I am I will be fine with that. I will be OK with being alone for now. Maybe she is non existant. Maybe I am making her up. Maybe she will never come. In the meantime I hold the hope that she will be there when I least expect her and that she will need my services more than I would ever need hers. That I could be a companion that can love and take care of her, travel around the world with her and just enjoy our time on this planet.
Not one of us knows what lies ahead but it's OK to dream. I think she is this beautiful Spaniard woman with a long red dress sitting across the room chatting with a handsome man. I think she has the spirit of twenty goddess' and the heart of a tin man. I believe her to be my soulful friend and companion in life and that we will dance the tango together at once. I will love her as much if not more than she loves me and when she is ready to dance I will put her shoes on just like I did before.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
I don't want a label. I was married for ten years to a female then married for ten years many years later to a male. I have for my own personal taste decided that I like women's company more than men's company and when I actively pursue someone that person will likely be a female. I am not really worried about whether she identifies as lesbian or bi or whatever. What I want is a great connection to a woman, one that I can travel with, be with and enjoy good times together. There does not have to be sex involved although frankly that would not be scary to me as it would be for some gay men I have talked to. I have seen a vagina, been inside one and don't find it so different or strange. I won't even feel like I was never a gay man for deciding to be in a loving place with a woman.
We all have our choices to make and mine is personal. I could elaborate as to why I love the feminine energy best and I think many people would find it frankly, boring. Not because woman are boring, just the contrary but because all of us really know that the feminine energy is very different from it's counterpart. I for one have been in several relationships with men and just don't find that they are fulfilling for me. Not that I don' think some men a aren't pretty and nice because there are surely some of those. Just that I am in a place in my life where I am in need of what I need and it is likely more of the character traits of a woman.
I know women. The reason that I know them is because I was married for ten years, have two adult daughters, two granddaughters and a long list of women friends. I got to know women out of a sense of longing for nurturing and from looking for my mom. What found was always this certain form of compassion, love and honoring and less competition and the need to be right. I found that I loved the yin and the yang of it even when the woman was just my friend. Even at those times when I could sense that she wanted something more, it still felt wonderful. I know women because of my grandmother and great grandmother who were my first female teachers, leaders of the feminist movement way before Gloria Steinam. Way before Jane Fonda. I learned early in life that the power of the female was not in her physical being but her emotionally being and her ability to handle emotional situations effectively, gently and leaving the man with his dignity. That is why I love women and that is why now it is an option for me. Why not? Who gets to say who gets to do what and love whom? Who makes these dumb rules.
Dumb rules like either you are straight or gay, bi or trans. Why do we have to be anything? Why do we have to pick? Why can't we be open just simply open gender. It took my sixty years on this earth to figure this one out and really I have not decided definitively. I am unsure as to what might be my thoughts tomorrow. What I know today is that I am being led to a woman who I think is out there awaiting my arrival. I can visualize her. I can almost see her. I could be so wrong and if I am I will be fine with that. I will be OK with being alone for now. Maybe she is non existant. Maybe I am making her up. Maybe she will never come. In the meantime I hold the hope that she will be there when I least expect her and that she will need my services more than I would ever need hers. That I could be a companion that can love and take care of her, travel around the world with her and just enjoy our time on this planet.
Not one of us knows what lies ahead but it's OK to dream. I think she is this beautiful Spaniard woman with a long red dress sitting across the room chatting with a handsome man. I think she has the spirit of twenty goddess' and the heart of a tin man. I believe her to be my soulful friend and companion in life and that we will dance the tango together at once. I will love her as much if not more than she loves me and when she is ready to dance I will put her shoes on just like I did before.
Elliott Collazo Gonzalez
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