Family Is Everything and...
When we think of family, we often times limit ourselves to the people who are blood related yet what we know is that many of us have adopted others who we refer to as family and whom we love very much. My daughters, like many women, have friends of many years who they consider sisters. In one case my oldest daughter has one friend whom she has known since she was 2 years old who was the child of one of my neighbors. She is 37 years old now and they are stronger now than ever. Like sisters I am sure they have had their challenges yet nothing has kept them apart. My other daughter has a friend she has known since grammar school and she is now 32 and lives with her friend's parents. All of this to say that family are the people that you make your family.
Family are the people you make your family over the years who are great friends and who one has known for a long time. In some cases people who are friends will refer to each other as cousins or their children will refer to one another as cousins. I am not sure if this is a Latino thing but I have also heard from my African American friends that they also make others family that are not related. I think that warmth of our cultures has some influence when it comes to extending our families. My sister who is a truly liberated woman has adopted elderly people near where she lives who attend Christmas parties or Thanksgiving dinners. For her it is the people in need of family that are to be the ones she adopts, feeling a sense of compassion for others who may not have family close by or whose family has become estranged.
Family, whether they are blood related or not is everything in life. These are usually the people in our lives who stick with us not matter what and who see us through the tough times. Family are the people who we choose to love and who treat us with respect. We don't have to love or honor others who are related to us if they are not kind, understanding and compassionate with us. We can select the family we want to nurture and be a part of. Although for some it is an obligation to interact with all family members I would promote having that close connection with the people who love you and show it. We can love everyone in our biological family from afar if we feel that this is the only way we can have a relationship with them. There is nothing written that the family we were given is the best one for us. For some of us our parents were abusive and we had to let go and love them without interacting with them.
When our family is loving and connected it is one of the most beautiful experiences we will ever have. The love we receive from those family members who love us and show it is second to none. We can never replace wonderful family members but we can still add to them depending on the circumstances of our life. We will meet people who we fall in love with and want to make a part of our family and there is nothing better than to adopt people who need the love. Although there will be fear on the part of others when we want to make them family, we must always attempt to share that kind of familiar love with others that we deem need it, even if they reject us. At least we know we have made that attempt.
Intimacy is a funny thing. I have known many people whom I have tried to befriend and who have not been receptive. I have known people for years that are fearful of that close relationship and what it may be asking of them. For this reason I continue to reach out and allow myself to let go of the people who are not ready and who many never be ready. We can only make the people that have an open heart a part of our life and a part of something so sacred as family. We must never be disappointed that there are those who say NO, thanks. Fear has and will drive people away and the fear of the responsibility is huge for some. The good thing is that there are plenty of people who may receive our love and are able to give it back.
I think that it is worth mentioning that spouses sometimes come and the go. There are many relationships and marriages that don't make it for whatever reason. Yet one of the most important aspects of a relationship is how the families embrace the in-laws treat one's spouse or partner. So many times there is a separation there and when it is tense it is the fault of the person whose family cannot seem to connect with their partner who they choose to be with. This turns into what I refer to as "triangulation" where the spouse allows his or her family to be pit up against his or her partner. That is when we understand that nothing is more enduring than family and that no poor behaviors on the part of others we are not related to is acceptable. In the end, our family, biological and other, are the ones that will be there for us. We can always get another partner or spouse. At the core of life living alone can be a wonderful thing and when one has a wonderful family it makes life so much richer.
Family is Everything. That is the bottom line.
Family are the people you make your family over the years who are great friends and who one has known for a long time. In some cases people who are friends will refer to each other as cousins or their children will refer to one another as cousins. I am not sure if this is a Latino thing but I have also heard from my African American friends that they also make others family that are not related. I think that warmth of our cultures has some influence when it comes to extending our families. My sister who is a truly liberated woman has adopted elderly people near where she lives who attend Christmas parties or Thanksgiving dinners. For her it is the people in need of family that are to be the ones she adopts, feeling a sense of compassion for others who may not have family close by or whose family has become estranged.
Family, whether they are blood related or not is everything in life. These are usually the people in our lives who stick with us not matter what and who see us through the tough times. Family are the people who we choose to love and who treat us with respect. We don't have to love or honor others who are related to us if they are not kind, understanding and compassionate with us. We can select the family we want to nurture and be a part of. Although for some it is an obligation to interact with all family members I would promote having that close connection with the people who love you and show it. We can love everyone in our biological family from afar if we feel that this is the only way we can have a relationship with them. There is nothing written that the family we were given is the best one for us. For some of us our parents were abusive and we had to let go and love them without interacting with them.
When our family is loving and connected it is one of the most beautiful experiences we will ever have. The love we receive from those family members who love us and show it is second to none. We can never replace wonderful family members but we can still add to them depending on the circumstances of our life. We will meet people who we fall in love with and want to make a part of our family and there is nothing better than to adopt people who need the love. Although there will be fear on the part of others when we want to make them family, we must always attempt to share that kind of familiar love with others that we deem need it, even if they reject us. At least we know we have made that attempt.
Intimacy is a funny thing. I have known many people whom I have tried to befriend and who have not been receptive. I have known people for years that are fearful of that close relationship and what it may be asking of them. For this reason I continue to reach out and allow myself to let go of the people who are not ready and who many never be ready. We can only make the people that have an open heart a part of our life and a part of something so sacred as family. We must never be disappointed that there are those who say NO, thanks. Fear has and will drive people away and the fear of the responsibility is huge for some. The good thing is that there are plenty of people who may receive our love and are able to give it back.
I think that it is worth mentioning that spouses sometimes come and the go. There are many relationships and marriages that don't make it for whatever reason. Yet one of the most important aspects of a relationship is how the families embrace the in-laws treat one's spouse or partner. So many times there is a separation there and when it is tense it is the fault of the person whose family cannot seem to connect with their partner who they choose to be with. This turns into what I refer to as "triangulation" where the spouse allows his or her family to be pit up against his or her partner. That is when we understand that nothing is more enduring than family and that no poor behaviors on the part of others we are not related to is acceptable. In the end, our family, biological and other, are the ones that will be there for us. We can always get another partner or spouse. At the core of life living alone can be a wonderful thing and when one has a wonderful family it makes life so much richer.
Family is Everything. That is the bottom line.
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