I Hate You!
We have often heard of the saying: "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". I would readily share that Hate too is like drinking poison and believing that it will do some good when in fact it is very much like poisoning ourselves. Hate is toxic and not to the person we hate on but to ourselves. Admitting to this is difficult yet we know now that any form of distain for someone else can only result in self-inflicted outcomes such as becoming literally ill. Although deep inside we know this it does not seem to stop us from telling others how much we dislike someone you mutually know, at times spending hours on the phone bashing someone we are either angry with or we deem an enemy.
So what are we to do when our anger and hateful feelings emerge? The very first thing to agree upon is that we will not start story telling and start any kind of gossip around our feelings. The next thing is to feel the feelings and tel ourselves that this is not something healthy for us. When we admit that hate has no rewards and in fact impede us from being who we were born to be, loving and kind. When we negate hate we must then replace it by applying forgiveness towards the people we are feeling hurtful feelings towards. It may be legitimate that someone did do something awful to us and that we are having human feelings, nothing is a sure ticket to emotional illness than hatred. By forgiving the person we are feeling ill will towards we release ourselves from the pain that hatred creates in our sacred spirit.
Saying the words "I hate you" to someone or saying "I hate and using someone's name in telling of your hash feelings is dangerous in many ways. When others feel threatened they may react in a manner that is to them self-defense. In so many cases of hatred crime ensues and there is no way to reverse it. Hate is a strong word and although it may be human to think it, it is not as common to share it with someone. Once this occurs there is really no telling what can happen that would be of major consequence. For this reason many of us will ask others not to say that about anyone. It definitely elicits fear and for good reason.
I believe that the most common default reason people become angry at someone is divorce or an end to a relationship. Somehow we justify acute feelings of anger because someone wants to leave us and we may feel a sense of abandonment. The reality is that loss is a trigger for many and anger is one of the reactions people naturally have. For this reason and others it is essential that we know how to manage our anger and get the help we need, so that neither we or anyone else gets hurt.
Maria ranted for hours about her husband who she is in a legal divorce proceeding with. During the relationship he was verbally abusive and often times insulted her in front of their son. As a result her child who is in grammar school insults her and expresses his hate for her by stating: "I hate you". Maria is very converse about her child's anger yet she is stuck on blaming and shaming her husband. In fact she is so busy telling stories about how horrible her husband is that she cannot seem to figure out that her son is the one she should be worried about. She is also fearful that her husband will get custody of her son and it terrifies her. She has even talked about a plan to flea with her son. Although she has been offered some loving solutions from her friends she cannot seem to stop long enough to heal and to make her son's life a more fruitful and happy one. In her heart she adores her son yet she is stuck in the hate and the self-loathing that comes with it. Sadly when we are stuck on hating it gets in the way of what we really need to focus on: joy, connection, spiritual work and emotional healing.
The next time you think about someone you dislike study the reasons for your feelings. Many times the things we dislike in others boils down to what they are mirroring back to us. We don't see it or want to admit to it but those same characteristics are the ones we have not looked at in ourselves. It is the most difficult thing to admit but when we hate there is often times an issue with self-hate and something in us that needs to be healed. If we were happy then why would we spend so much time disliking others? Self-healing is really the answer and forgiving ourselves is the first step to erasing feelings of hate or strong anger. Only then can we move to a place of wholeness and of God.
"Not one ounce of hate will produce what we really need: Love."
So what are we to do when our anger and hateful feelings emerge? The very first thing to agree upon is that we will not start story telling and start any kind of gossip around our feelings. The next thing is to feel the feelings and tel ourselves that this is not something healthy for us. When we admit that hate has no rewards and in fact impede us from being who we were born to be, loving and kind. When we negate hate we must then replace it by applying forgiveness towards the people we are feeling hurtful feelings towards. It may be legitimate that someone did do something awful to us and that we are having human feelings, nothing is a sure ticket to emotional illness than hatred. By forgiving the person we are feeling ill will towards we release ourselves from the pain that hatred creates in our sacred spirit.
Saying the words "I hate you" to someone or saying "I hate and using someone's name in telling of your hash feelings is dangerous in many ways. When others feel threatened they may react in a manner that is to them self-defense. In so many cases of hatred crime ensues and there is no way to reverse it. Hate is a strong word and although it may be human to think it, it is not as common to share it with someone. Once this occurs there is really no telling what can happen that would be of major consequence. For this reason many of us will ask others not to say that about anyone. It definitely elicits fear and for good reason.
I believe that the most common default reason people become angry at someone is divorce or an end to a relationship. Somehow we justify acute feelings of anger because someone wants to leave us and we may feel a sense of abandonment. The reality is that loss is a trigger for many and anger is one of the reactions people naturally have. For this reason and others it is essential that we know how to manage our anger and get the help we need, so that neither we or anyone else gets hurt.
Maria ranted for hours about her husband who she is in a legal divorce proceeding with. During the relationship he was verbally abusive and often times insulted her in front of their son. As a result her child who is in grammar school insults her and expresses his hate for her by stating: "I hate you". Maria is very converse about her child's anger yet she is stuck on blaming and shaming her husband. In fact she is so busy telling stories about how horrible her husband is that she cannot seem to figure out that her son is the one she should be worried about. She is also fearful that her husband will get custody of her son and it terrifies her. She has even talked about a plan to flea with her son. Although she has been offered some loving solutions from her friends she cannot seem to stop long enough to heal and to make her son's life a more fruitful and happy one. In her heart she adores her son yet she is stuck in the hate and the self-loathing that comes with it. Sadly when we are stuck on hating it gets in the way of what we really need to focus on: joy, connection, spiritual work and emotional healing.
The next time you think about someone you dislike study the reasons for your feelings. Many times the things we dislike in others boils down to what they are mirroring back to us. We don't see it or want to admit to it but those same characteristics are the ones we have not looked at in ourselves. It is the most difficult thing to admit but when we hate there is often times an issue with self-hate and something in us that needs to be healed. If we were happy then why would we spend so much time disliking others? Self-healing is really the answer and forgiving ourselves is the first step to erasing feelings of hate or strong anger. Only then can we move to a place of wholeness and of God.
"Not one ounce of hate will produce what we really need: Love."
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