Shut Up, I'm Trying To Sleep
If only there was peace and quiet every time we needed it. If only others would be perfectly quiet when we wanted to take a nap during the day and we have three elementary school age children. If only we were considerate to others every single time and honored their feelings and their need to rest or be honored in other ways. If only we knew that holding silence is a sacred time we create in our spirits.
So many people do not realize the importance of when to speak and when not to speak, never mind being quiet when others are in a place of peace or need to feel peaceful. We love to hear ourselves talk and what we do is talk over our feelings and the feelings of others. In essence we don't know when to shut up. We are not as considerate as we should be and others are not as considerate as we want them to be. But it all starts with us.
I am an advocate of "listen more than you speak." I believe that we have an issue with listening and that we don't take the time to be attentive and respectful when others need to share their feelings or needs with us. We are ready to answer even before the other person has finished sharing their thoughts with us. We interrupt and we are sometimes outright rude. In order for there to be communication there must be a dialog that is centered around our willingness to listen.
Do not get me wrong, please. I am as guilty as any of us. In the past I was that person who jumped up and started to defend myself before the other person could get the information out. I wanted, like many college educated folks, to appear smarter, more witty and faster then anyone else. I knew it all in my twenties. Yet for the past few years I have been working on listening and I literally tell myself to listen by talking myself into it before the conversation started. Now I have become a much better listener.
Intention is everything in life and if we don't intend to listen with purpose then we won't. I know now that listening takes intention and that I will learn much more about myself and others if I listen to intently and with understanding. In order for there to be TRUE communication we must know when it is our turn to speak. In order for there to be productive communication we must allow others to share what they are feeling with a form of compassion and with the idea that their feelings matter.
My students did not like the words "shut up" and neither did I. When my students used the word shut up I was the first to point out that this was not a good way to get people to listen and it could make others simply shut down communication. Although I titled this blog with the words shut up I do not believe that these words allow for loving, compassionate or productive communication. The way to get others to listen is to be an example and actively listen to them. Most people will notice that you are a good listener to them and will do the same for you.
Whether someone is sleeping and trying to find their peace or they are sharing something sacred with you, closing your mouth is important in the act of communicating effectively. We cannot get our message across if we are unwilling to allow others to send their message to us. When we practice active listening and we go into silent reverence each day we honor others and more importantly we honor our own spirit.
So many people do not realize the importance of when to speak and when not to speak, never mind being quiet when others are in a place of peace or need to feel peaceful. We love to hear ourselves talk and what we do is talk over our feelings and the feelings of others. In essence we don't know when to shut up. We are not as considerate as we should be and others are not as considerate as we want them to be. But it all starts with us.
I am an advocate of "listen more than you speak." I believe that we have an issue with listening and that we don't take the time to be attentive and respectful when others need to share their feelings or needs with us. We are ready to answer even before the other person has finished sharing their thoughts with us. We interrupt and we are sometimes outright rude. In order for there to be communication there must be a dialog that is centered around our willingness to listen.
Do not get me wrong, please. I am as guilty as any of us. In the past I was that person who jumped up and started to defend myself before the other person could get the information out. I wanted, like many college educated folks, to appear smarter, more witty and faster then anyone else. I knew it all in my twenties. Yet for the past few years I have been working on listening and I literally tell myself to listen by talking myself into it before the conversation started. Now I have become a much better listener.
Intention is everything in life and if we don't intend to listen with purpose then we won't. I know now that listening takes intention and that I will learn much more about myself and others if I listen to intently and with understanding. In order for there to be TRUE communication we must know when it is our turn to speak. In order for there to be productive communication we must allow others to share what they are feeling with a form of compassion and with the idea that their feelings matter.
My students did not like the words "shut up" and neither did I. When my students used the word shut up I was the first to point out that this was not a good way to get people to listen and it could make others simply shut down communication. Although I titled this blog with the words shut up I do not believe that these words allow for loving, compassionate or productive communication. The way to get others to listen is to be an example and actively listen to them. Most people will notice that you are a good listener to them and will do the same for you.
Whether someone is sleeping and trying to find their peace or they are sharing something sacred with you, closing your mouth is important in the act of communicating effectively. We cannot get our message across if we are unwilling to allow others to send their message to us. When we practice active listening and we go into silent reverence each day we honor others and more importantly we honor our own spirit.
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