Friendship Endures

There is a good argument for any relationship to begin as a friendship because it makes sense.  If you like the person and you would be their friend then it makes more sense to begin a more intimate relationship.  Going from meeting right into physical intimacy creates a blurred line that many times never goes away.  It is in fact much like my grandfather would say: "eating the cake before the wedding", in other words putting the cart before the horse.  Yet we often times do just that by going to fast and falling into a situation where we know little to nothing about another person and whether they are capable when we are already moving in, spending every moment with them.  It does not seem to phase us that we have not so much as had a serious conversation about the things that matter like whether we are a believer or what we like to do for fun.  In other words we know nothing about someone and already we are exchanging serious aspects of our being.  Although for some sex does not seem to be such a big deal the reality is that sex is an exchange of energy and even if we think it to be " just sex" in reality it is not that simple.

Our friends are people we have come to know over a long period of time.  We make connections with friends by going out to a movie, having dinner with them and exchanging our opinions about life and love.  We usually take the time to get to know someone before we announce them as a friend.   Over time we develop a relationship with another person and we really make a purposeful effort to get to know them.  We ask a lot of questions and we are careful to listen and evaluate the answers so as to determine whether this person is the one for us.  In lust and love we fail to take the same precautions as we do for all others.  In fact we seem to think that love interests are measured with a different yard stick.  This is simply not the truth and we would be more likely to connect with someone we really like and then love if we take the time to get to know them before we jump into bed or allow them to move in without their luggage.

The best relationships are the ones where two people begin casually and take the time to get to know each other.  Some people agree to hang out with other friends and bring that person into their circle before they make any commitment or go to the next level.  These people are smart and often times know that going into something to quickly makes it likely that it will end quickly.  My grandmother use to say: "What happens fast, ends fast".  I use to think this to be and odd way of thinking about relationships but today I totally get it and I agree with her whole heartedly.  When we do things quickly and go from zero to sixty in a matter of hours or days we are asking for failure.  The truth is that when you don't take the time to know some specific character traits of the person you meet the chances are that it will fail.

Love and friendship go together and should never be seen as separate or unrelated.  We may believe that love will conquer all but the truth is that friendship and a genuine connection outlasts any love story.  In fact when we like the person we are with there is more of a likelihood that it will endure the inevitable ups and downs.  When we think about how much we work at sustaining friendships we would do well to put some of that energy into our love relationships.  Finding the things we have in common, enjoying fun activities, having deep conversations with our love interest are all part of establishing a solid relationship.  Love is all about friendship and the very first thing we should do is to seek out the same effort with people we want to spend any long term time with.  All that we need to remember is that friendship is an essential element of love.  Without that friendship component love will not endure the many  tests that will come along.