Who Am I Now That...?
Whenever something in our life ends, specifically a relationship with someone, we tend to ask ourselves: "Who am I now that I am not a spouse to someone?" It is not unusual to feel lost and find that there is a part of you that may have gotten lost, a part of your spirit that you must get back. Often times long term relationships make it all to easy to dismiss what we want, who we are and the truth about what is meaningful to us. We will forfeit our own needs to meet the needs of someone else that we believe we will spend the rest of our life with. Yet the truth about relationships is that they tend to have a shelf life and that over fifty percent of them end in divorce, never mind the statistics of people who practice cohabitation for a very long time who end in a permanent separation. Life is really a lot like "a box of chocolates", we truly do not know what we might get and in turn we don't know what of the chocolates will not taste as delicious as we thought by looking at them.
Like a box of chocolates people vary and many times what we think will be wonderful and leave a loving taste in our mouth end up to be something very different. In fact for some the end is not anything like what they imagined it when they first met a person whom they cherished but did not receive the same love in return. Although one can have a legitimate argument for tasting each one of the chocolates there is also an equal argument that we don't have to taste all of the chocolates to realize that some are as bitter as the first one just like it, if only we take the time to keep track. For this very reason we become involved with the same type of person repeatedly and expect the results to be different. In the end we ask ourselves with ever more clarity: "Who am I now?" After so much abuse and so much pain.
IN relationships we seem to throw place the cart before the horse and quickly "fall in love". The better way to be is to understand where we are at in our own self-loving before we decide to "fall in love". It should be duly noted that the wording alone has a negative connotation, in fact, we should be in love with our life before we decide to be in love with someone, anyone, else. Our level of love for our own person is the accurate measure of whether we will stay in a relationship that is not loving and whether we are in a relationship that is loving. What we must understand fully is that love is a state of being and that if we are not living in that state of being we really have no business starting any loving relationship with some one else for any reason. The measure of love does not reside outside of us the way that many might make us believe, the measure of love is inside of you.
When we ask that question of "who am I now..." We are really asking ourselves what happened to the person I was intended to be? We are really asking ourselves what happened to the person that we were before we forgot about him or her and placed all of our energy into someone else to the detriment of our own soul. Many years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. She was a very happy and in fact truly funny lady. Every time I was around her I knew there was a warranty that I would laugh from the very gut of my spirit. She knew how to turn almost anything into a wonderful joke. Yet the one thing that was not funny was the fact that she was lost in matters of love. In fact her former husband use to beat her and her recent boyfriend was verbal abusive. One evening she invited me over to share that she'd joined the service. It was in that moment when I was stunned because nothing could have been more far from my mind as her in the service. While in the service a man whom I never found out who he was, visited her. This man was a cop and had a gun in his car. It was during the night when she apparently got up, found his car key, got the gun and shot herself in the head. My sweet beloved friend will never know who she was and what I suspect is that it was because she never go the chance to find that beautiful person she was deep inside, so that she might honor and love her.
If you are battling confusion no believe that love will heal you I want to invite you to give that love to your self. I want you to be in love with yourself and want more than anything to love yourself like you are the most precious being on this earth. Perhaps then you will be ready to love someone else.
Like a box of chocolates people vary and many times what we think will be wonderful and leave a loving taste in our mouth end up to be something very different. In fact for some the end is not anything like what they imagined it when they first met a person whom they cherished but did not receive the same love in return. Although one can have a legitimate argument for tasting each one of the chocolates there is also an equal argument that we don't have to taste all of the chocolates to realize that some are as bitter as the first one just like it, if only we take the time to keep track. For this very reason we become involved with the same type of person repeatedly and expect the results to be different. In the end we ask ourselves with ever more clarity: "Who am I now?" After so much abuse and so much pain.
IN relationships we seem to throw place the cart before the horse and quickly "fall in love". The better way to be is to understand where we are at in our own self-loving before we decide to "fall in love". It should be duly noted that the wording alone has a negative connotation, in fact, we should be in love with our life before we decide to be in love with someone, anyone, else. Our level of love for our own person is the accurate measure of whether we will stay in a relationship that is not loving and whether we are in a relationship that is loving. What we must understand fully is that love is a state of being and that if we are not living in that state of being we really have no business starting any loving relationship with some one else for any reason. The measure of love does not reside outside of us the way that many might make us believe, the measure of love is inside of you.
When we ask that question of "who am I now..." We are really asking ourselves what happened to the person I was intended to be? We are really asking ourselves what happened to the person that we were before we forgot about him or her and placed all of our energy into someone else to the detriment of our own soul. Many years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. She was a very happy and in fact truly funny lady. Every time I was around her I knew there was a warranty that I would laugh from the very gut of my spirit. She knew how to turn almost anything into a wonderful joke. Yet the one thing that was not funny was the fact that she was lost in matters of love. In fact her former husband use to beat her and her recent boyfriend was verbal abusive. One evening she invited me over to share that she'd joined the service. It was in that moment when I was stunned because nothing could have been more far from my mind as her in the service. While in the service a man whom I never found out who he was, visited her. This man was a cop and had a gun in his car. It was during the night when she apparently got up, found his car key, got the gun and shot herself in the head. My sweet beloved friend will never know who she was and what I suspect is that it was because she never go the chance to find that beautiful person she was deep inside, so that she might honor and love her.
If you are battling confusion no believe that love will heal you I want to invite you to give that love to your self. I want you to be in love with yourself and want more than anything to love yourself like you are the most precious being on this earth. Perhaps then you will be ready to love someone else.
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