Believe In Yourself
"Believe in yourself, not what others believe of you"
Elliott Collazo
The quote above is what came out of my lips when I was talking to a friend about his mother and how she treated him, with disrespect. What I understood of his and her relationship is that she has been manipulating him for many years by putting him down and telling him who he is. Statements like "you are a bad boy" were ones that this man heard from the time he was a little boy. His mother's opinion of him made him feel whole or incomplete. She abused her power repeatedly until as he put it "lost it" and said much of the things he has been wanting to say that he had been holding in, all of which added insult to injury, even though his point was valid. My suggestion to him was to discontinue engaging in her emotional game and taking a break from the relationship, taking time to heal himself.
Each of us has been in situations where someone else's opinion of us weighs too heavily on how we perceive ourselves. Not only does it weigh on us we become a remote toy to another person who has the control button, the start and stop button and the ability to remove the battery. When the person with the button to control is a parent I personally and ethically feel this is an abuse of power and find it to be the worse kind of manipulation. As has been the case for many of us, it is the people who claim to love us that attempt to control over us, even if that behavior is not purposeful. We must believe in who we are in a manner that makes it impossible for others to make us believe we are someone else, someone who is unworthy, bad or worthless. Just because someone loves us does not mean that they will treat us with respect and align their behavior with what we deem loving. When we decide that it is not OK to be treated in ways that are not loving simply because someone believes we are someone we are not or is attempting to control us, we will then be who we believe we are not what someone believes we are.
Believing in ourselves is crucial to our physical, emotional and spiritual self. Knowing who we are is the main focus when we are in a place where we are vulnerable and one where we are dependent on someone for their approval. We must have a very strong understanding of who we are in order not to be manipulated by someone who feels a need to do that and there are many people in our lives that feel a need to label us and tell us who we are. How we come to an understanding of who we truly are is by doing the self-work that addresses our deepest self, who we are. In this way we are able to wart off the energy of people who feel a need to tell us who we are. We must also factor in that these people feel a need to tell us who we are rather than to focus on themselves and who they are.
Dave became involved with a person he met quickly and in a matter of weeks he was buying a vacation home in California. Shortly after this he invested a few thousand on items for the home and even came up with the down payment alone because it turns out that the other person was not financially equipped to contribute money to the mix, yet he manipulated Dan into placing his name on the property as "tenants in common" or joint ownership. In a very short time span this person also showed his real side and became a very dysfunctional individual that Dan did not know. In the end it all "blew up" and today it has become a legal matter whereby Dan is trying to either get him to agree to sell the home, take full ownership or force him to sell it. Now he has uncovered that this man is not just unable to function on his own, he has manipulated him into buying a home and becoming somewhat beholding to him by resolving this problem inside a relationship that started quickly and ended even more quickly. This is another example of why we must know who we are so that we can be and live who we authentically are.
You may ask: How do I believe in myself more, know who I am and not allow anyone to tell me who I am? The answer to this question is this: You know that I know that you know who you are. It is as simple as knowing and doing everything you can to be happy with yourself, knowing fully that you deserve to be happy with our without the opinions of others.
Elliott Collazo
The quote above is what came out of my lips when I was talking to a friend about his mother and how she treated him, with disrespect. What I understood of his and her relationship is that she has been manipulating him for many years by putting him down and telling him who he is. Statements like "you are a bad boy" were ones that this man heard from the time he was a little boy. His mother's opinion of him made him feel whole or incomplete. She abused her power repeatedly until as he put it "lost it" and said much of the things he has been wanting to say that he had been holding in, all of which added insult to injury, even though his point was valid. My suggestion to him was to discontinue engaging in her emotional game and taking a break from the relationship, taking time to heal himself.
Each of us has been in situations where someone else's opinion of us weighs too heavily on how we perceive ourselves. Not only does it weigh on us we become a remote toy to another person who has the control button, the start and stop button and the ability to remove the battery. When the person with the button to control is a parent I personally and ethically feel this is an abuse of power and find it to be the worse kind of manipulation. As has been the case for many of us, it is the people who claim to love us that attempt to control over us, even if that behavior is not purposeful. We must believe in who we are in a manner that makes it impossible for others to make us believe we are someone else, someone who is unworthy, bad or worthless. Just because someone loves us does not mean that they will treat us with respect and align their behavior with what we deem loving. When we decide that it is not OK to be treated in ways that are not loving simply because someone believes we are someone we are not or is attempting to control us, we will then be who we believe we are not what someone believes we are.
Believing in ourselves is crucial to our physical, emotional and spiritual self. Knowing who we are is the main focus when we are in a place where we are vulnerable and one where we are dependent on someone for their approval. We must have a very strong understanding of who we are in order not to be manipulated by someone who feels a need to do that and there are many people in our lives that feel a need to label us and tell us who we are. How we come to an understanding of who we truly are is by doing the self-work that addresses our deepest self, who we are. In this way we are able to wart off the energy of people who feel a need to tell us who we are. We must also factor in that these people feel a need to tell us who we are rather than to focus on themselves and who they are.
Dave became involved with a person he met quickly and in a matter of weeks he was buying a vacation home in California. Shortly after this he invested a few thousand on items for the home and even came up with the down payment alone because it turns out that the other person was not financially equipped to contribute money to the mix, yet he manipulated Dan into placing his name on the property as "tenants in common" or joint ownership. In a very short time span this person also showed his real side and became a very dysfunctional individual that Dan did not know. In the end it all "blew up" and today it has become a legal matter whereby Dan is trying to either get him to agree to sell the home, take full ownership or force him to sell it. Now he has uncovered that this man is not just unable to function on his own, he has manipulated him into buying a home and becoming somewhat beholding to him by resolving this problem inside a relationship that started quickly and ended even more quickly. This is another example of why we must know who we are so that we can be and live who we authentically are.
You may ask: How do I believe in myself more, know who I am and not allow anyone to tell me who I am? The answer to this question is this: You know that I know that you know who you are. It is as simple as knowing and doing everything you can to be happy with yourself, knowing fully that you deserve to be happy with our without the opinions of others.
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