Living Single and Happy
For twenty years of my life I was in a relationship with someone. In the sixty one years of my life I have also been in a five year, four year and two one year relationships. That totals about thirty years of being in a relationship with someone and I may be missing someone along the way admittedly. That is half of my life and if you think about my starting at the age of nineteen it is a much higher percentage of my adult life. I was one of those people that thought I could not live without a relationship with someone. I had to have someone to validate me and love me because I did not have the skills to love myself first and foremost.
I was single for a few years between the ones I was in some form of a relationship and during that time I must of fooled around with a good twenty people, maybe more. I made sex my validating factor in my life. If someone wanted to have sex with me I felt as though I was handsome and worthy, that soon someone would come along that wanted me for more than a night or two or three. This behavior further frustrated me and made it harder to distinguish between reality and fantasy. I feel like I lived more in fantasies than in reality. I could not learn to be single and happy because I never put enough effort into it and did not give myself time to like myself by myself as myself.
Today I have been single for almost two years. I have not had one sexual encounter with anyone and have focused on what will bring me joy. I have focused on finding the things that I love to do and the things I could be doing that will help me to grow as a person, alone and single, without the distraction of someone else. There have been some truly great things I've become accustomed to and that have made me a single happy man:
1. I have found joy in going to dinner, going out dancing or taking myself to a movie. I understand that being alone does not mean that I cannot enjoy some of the same things couples enjoy together. Taking ourselves out validates the one thing that we are: worthy.
2. I have learned to relax alone at home. I have mastered the fine art of making a good cup of coffee and picking a movie on Netflix to watch. Learning to find new ways to enjoy and relax in your home is the best ever. I love sitting on my deck at night with the candles on and watching the lake reflect. I have learned to enjoy my own company doing things that relax me and make me feel more alive.
3. I gift myself. Learning the fine art of buying yourself flowers is as easy as making a habit of it, like any other. Gift yourself with some flowers weekly and when the spirit moves you get a new pair of underwear or socks. Give yourself a gift and when they ask you at the store if it is a gift for someone let them wrap it for you and open it when you like.
4. I love traveling alone. Some people think me crazy but I prefer to travel alone and when I do magical things happen to me. I meet great people and do dareful things like hang gliding and horse back riding up a mountain in Mexico. Take yourself on a trip to any destination you can afford even if it is not out of the country. A time away is always good for the soul and when you are alone force yourself to communicate with others. Go to the places where people hang out and find out what is going on where you go to visit. I will never forget the vacation I took to Mexico when I ended up seated at a table with ten people I had met during the few days I was staying at this hotel. It was amazing and ended in dancing at a club down the street. Being single does not mean you cannot travel and have a blast.
5. Accept yourself and honor the fact that you are worthy and whole alone and without being partnered. There is nothing wrong with being single and in fact it can be a time to truly get to know yourself and meet your needs. You alone know what those needs are and when you are alone it is easiest to meet those needs. Do what you please when you please. Be grateful that you don't have anyone to answer to or to please. Enjoy the ride where you are and start to look in the mirror and say "I love you just as you are, single and free".
Being single is not a curse folks. Being single is just being single. No one can complete us and we should not be looking for someone to validate us or make us whole. We are whole all alone and have been made whole all of our life. My grandma said it well "we were born alone and we are going to die alone".
I was single for a few years between the ones I was in some form of a relationship and during that time I must of fooled around with a good twenty people, maybe more. I made sex my validating factor in my life. If someone wanted to have sex with me I felt as though I was handsome and worthy, that soon someone would come along that wanted me for more than a night or two or three. This behavior further frustrated me and made it harder to distinguish between reality and fantasy. I feel like I lived more in fantasies than in reality. I could not learn to be single and happy because I never put enough effort into it and did not give myself time to like myself by myself as myself.
Today I have been single for almost two years. I have not had one sexual encounter with anyone and have focused on what will bring me joy. I have focused on finding the things that I love to do and the things I could be doing that will help me to grow as a person, alone and single, without the distraction of someone else. There have been some truly great things I've become accustomed to and that have made me a single happy man:
1. I have found joy in going to dinner, going out dancing or taking myself to a movie. I understand that being alone does not mean that I cannot enjoy some of the same things couples enjoy together. Taking ourselves out validates the one thing that we are: worthy.
2. I have learned to relax alone at home. I have mastered the fine art of making a good cup of coffee and picking a movie on Netflix to watch. Learning to find new ways to enjoy and relax in your home is the best ever. I love sitting on my deck at night with the candles on and watching the lake reflect. I have learned to enjoy my own company doing things that relax me and make me feel more alive.
3. I gift myself. Learning the fine art of buying yourself flowers is as easy as making a habit of it, like any other. Gift yourself with some flowers weekly and when the spirit moves you get a new pair of underwear or socks. Give yourself a gift and when they ask you at the store if it is a gift for someone let them wrap it for you and open it when you like.
4. I love traveling alone. Some people think me crazy but I prefer to travel alone and when I do magical things happen to me. I meet great people and do dareful things like hang gliding and horse back riding up a mountain in Mexico. Take yourself on a trip to any destination you can afford even if it is not out of the country. A time away is always good for the soul and when you are alone force yourself to communicate with others. Go to the places where people hang out and find out what is going on where you go to visit. I will never forget the vacation I took to Mexico when I ended up seated at a table with ten people I had met during the few days I was staying at this hotel. It was amazing and ended in dancing at a club down the street. Being single does not mean you cannot travel and have a blast.
5. Accept yourself and honor the fact that you are worthy and whole alone and without being partnered. There is nothing wrong with being single and in fact it can be a time to truly get to know yourself and meet your needs. You alone know what those needs are and when you are alone it is easiest to meet those needs. Do what you please when you please. Be grateful that you don't have anyone to answer to or to please. Enjoy the ride where you are and start to look in the mirror and say "I love you just as you are, single and free".
Being single is not a curse folks. Being single is just being single. No one can complete us and we should not be looking for someone to validate us or make us whole. We are whole all alone and have been made whole all of our life. My grandma said it well "we were born alone and we are going to die alone".
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