Open the Door!

This is not a direct quote from a television special I saw yesterday evening but rather my interpretation of it and it goes something like this: "I kept knocking at the door and then realized that I was inside".  My own personal meaning is that we often times do not realize just how simple it would be to walk through a door in life and realize that we were never being held back by others but by our own limitations and fears.  This was for me a simple but profound way of saying that we imprison ourselves without understanding that we are empowered to stand up, open the window and get the air we need.  Not only do we not get this we confine ourselves to the indoors fearing what is outside our door and never realizing our dreams because we don't turn the knob.  As unbelievable as it may seem we are often times our own worse enemy.  We are enslaved by others easily because we are uncertain of our own ability to do something that needs to be done for our sake.

My heart bleeds for children who are hungry yet I have only adopted one child in Africa for about ten years.  I did so via my contributions to him and felt a kinship to him because on Occassion he would write me a letter using an interpreter.  Every time I received that letter I understood how important it was for me to have opened that door.  I was one of many yet I was living with someone who I allowed to imprison me and hold me hostage for a long time.  My heart bleeds for him in a different way because what I know now makes me able to open the door that was always there for me to open and leave.  Even then I want to be honest and say that I waited for him to leave and then I finally opened the door to my soul so that I could heal.  Nothing is worse than feeling disempowered and nothing is better than finally becoming empowered even if it took years of not knowing that I was on the inside of the door.

Cancer had been my enemy.  It lurked in me for many many many years.   Finally it came out with a vengeance and my body exploded with it.  I started to bleed and I had to end up in a hospital to understand and appreciate my own life.  Finally the writing was on the wall and I knew that I needed to begin to empower myself by making the right choices and addressing the parts of me that were injured and needing an application of self-love.  Nothing could have taught me this lesson more clearly than to fight cancer and continue to fight even to this day.  Nothing could have taught me that I was worthwhile better than seeing my life flash in front of me and undergoing a transformation like none I'd ever known before.  I not only walked out the door, I flew out on my ass and feel to my knees until I saw my God.

Open the door my dear friends and stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself.  Open the door and stop knocking for you indeed are on the inside of the door not realizing it.  Open the window when you need air and don't fear others coming through the windows to hurt you for this is fear not allowing you to breath.  Run up the stairs and get your coat and scarf and go to the closest temple and pray.  Don't stop moving and understand that the knob is on your side of the room unlocked.

Elliott Maximo Collazo

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