Mothers are forever
Today my brother and his wife invited me to join them as they were planning to meet my mother for dinner. At the last moment my brother asked if I would not mind picking my mother up on the way in from the south end of town where I am staying with a friend. I agreed but knew deep inside that my mom, although told of the time of pick up, would not be ready. When I arrived at my mother's apartment she was not only not ready she was still in her pajamas smoking as usual. I immediately called my brother to tell him that she was not ready and when I asked her when she'd be ready she responded with her usual: "It takes me a while to get ready". My usual response to that would have been an argumentative type of response but this time I simply sat down where I could find some space, looking around the room at what felt like a disarray of stuff. It felt like the mother I once knew did not live in this state of affairs. She could not be the same mother who raised me in a pristine, clean and organized home. How could it be? What happened to that woman?
In a short while she was ready and among the stack of shoes in her closet I was able to find the ones she was asking for, some black patent leather flats that she also had in brown. I noted that they were dirty and grabbed a rag to clean them off. When I looked at her struggling to get dressed, struggling to walk and put on her shoes I realized that this was not the same woman in some ways but that in others she was exactly that person. She was my mother and no matter what her apartment looked like or how dirty her shoes were she was and is all I have for a mom. It did not matter that she may have dis functional behaviors or that she smoked a lot. What mattered is that I only got one mom and that she did the best job she could with me. She was my mom forever and it was not an option to get a new one.
I helped her to her walker as she sat and I pushed her to the elevator. It was in this moment that I realized how helpless she is yet she manages to go on day after day most times alone and likely feeling a lot of pain from severe back issues. I saw this woman who has the courage to get up and almost drag herself to go out to dinner with her sons. This person who gets joy from being with her children and from receiving some attention. After dinner I took her to one of my favorite places, Molly's Cupcakes. The mere mention of going there made her light up as it was more opportunity to spend more time together.
When it was time to go home she thanked me and said that she had a wonderful day with her family. I could see more sparkle in her and it was obvious that she appreciated the time with me. As she usually does she blessed me and sent me on my way. I kissed her on the cheek and said good bye but when I closed her door I could only think of how lonely she must feel and how helpless she is at times. I felt sad about it and yet I also felt the joy that was in this moment and time, understanding that we get one mom and that we must do everything we can to love her, even if she is flawed and even when there were times of pain and animosity. A mom is forever.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
In a short while she was ready and among the stack of shoes in her closet I was able to find the ones she was asking for, some black patent leather flats that she also had in brown. I noted that they were dirty and grabbed a rag to clean them off. When I looked at her struggling to get dressed, struggling to walk and put on her shoes I realized that this was not the same woman in some ways but that in others she was exactly that person. She was my mother and no matter what her apartment looked like or how dirty her shoes were she was and is all I have for a mom. It did not matter that she may have dis functional behaviors or that she smoked a lot. What mattered is that I only got one mom and that she did the best job she could with me. She was my mom forever and it was not an option to get a new one.
I helped her to her walker as she sat and I pushed her to the elevator. It was in this moment that I realized how helpless she is yet she manages to go on day after day most times alone and likely feeling a lot of pain from severe back issues. I saw this woman who has the courage to get up and almost drag herself to go out to dinner with her sons. This person who gets joy from being with her children and from receiving some attention. After dinner I took her to one of my favorite places, Molly's Cupcakes. The mere mention of going there made her light up as it was more opportunity to spend more time together.
When it was time to go home she thanked me and said that she had a wonderful day with her family. I could see more sparkle in her and it was obvious that she appreciated the time with me. As she usually does she blessed me and sent me on my way. I kissed her on the cheek and said good bye but when I closed her door I could only think of how lonely she must feel and how helpless she is at times. I felt sad about it and yet I also felt the joy that was in this moment and time, understanding that we get one mom and that we must do everything we can to love her, even if she is flawed and even when there were times of pain and animosity. A mom is forever.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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