Cancer and Courage
When at first I was told I had "cancer" I would wake up each day believing that maybe the news was a dream I'd had and that eventually I would find that out. I would wake up from this dream like state and realize that it was all a mistake. As it turns out this not only did not happen, I am still waking up at times thinking that one day it will all go away. The truth about it is that I won't wake up one day and realize it's not true but that one day I will awaken every day with joy in my heart instead of this feeling I sometimes have of emptyness and disbelief. One day I will wake up and living will be always be what matters the most, making the best of what I have.
Cancer creates a courage inside of me that I cannot explain. Out of this horrible illness and pain of the treatements comes forth a warrior inside of me that I cannot deny or make go away. Cancer has a way of teaching us courage as do many terminal illnesses. I feel like it is the very thing in my life circumstances that asks me to be courageous and that forces me to look closer at a life that is not always beautiful but has a purpose no matter what happens.
Day to day is a strugglle to regain my joy and to retrieve who I am. Day after day I speak to my soulful self and decide whether this will be the day where I live it fully and not think for one minute about my cancer. Today is all I have I keep reminding my little boy inside who is scared and wants to scream and kick all the way to the end. Each day is a day that I convince my spirit that living one more day is means something and that each of these days is one where God is asking me what I will do with it. Every time I dig deeper I come up with the same response: "Do the very best you can with what you have today Elliott". Fear not the things that you cannot control but rather the idea that you can control anything or anyone, even your physical being.
When the foot hurts or the mind wanders into a place of self-loathing I know that I have a choice to make and that my choice will mold the rest of my day. Every time I get up and get started I understand that I am here for a purpose and that I can either serve that purpose, ignore it, go blissfully through the day or intentionally serve others, doing the things that God has asked of me and that the universe asks of me as well. Through the struggle of life, daily things, I undersstand that whether I have cancer or not I am living on borrowed time like everyone else. I am not special or different from everyone else who is struggling or laughing. I am the same.
Cancer has made me more courageous while at the same time forced me to live with purpose and intent. Cancer drug me to my knees as I waled in tears like a little boy inside a crib, helpless to get someone to pick me up. I have felt it all: the pain, the sadness, the hurt, the abandonment and the joy that comes from knowing that I can still dance. The joy that keeps me knowing that my life does matter and that I can still make a difference in the world.
God has a plan for everyone as I see it. God has a plan for me. I get that. I don't always understand it but I know it. What makes me know it has nothing to do with the price I have paid for living but living is worth the price I have paid. That is what I know and that is all I need to know.
Take your journey and take the bangs and the scrapes in life along the way. Live a life that is authentic and when you are afraid just admit it. Don't hide inside your feelings but rather let them run freely. Take yourself out of the equation where you are measured by how much you have whether it is money or degrees. Let yourself be yourself and do the best you can with what God has given to you. Thank the universe for living each day and for every once of love you have left in you and the love you receive. Don't let that one person you wanted to love you make you believe that you are alone and unworthy of love. take your journey and as you take it believe that what you do matters and that what you don't does not.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
Cancer creates a courage inside of me that I cannot explain. Out of this horrible illness and pain of the treatements comes forth a warrior inside of me that I cannot deny or make go away. Cancer has a way of teaching us courage as do many terminal illnesses. I feel like it is the very thing in my life circumstances that asks me to be courageous and that forces me to look closer at a life that is not always beautiful but has a purpose no matter what happens.
Day to day is a strugglle to regain my joy and to retrieve who I am. Day after day I speak to my soulful self and decide whether this will be the day where I live it fully and not think for one minute about my cancer. Today is all I have I keep reminding my little boy inside who is scared and wants to scream and kick all the way to the end. Each day is a day that I convince my spirit that living one more day is means something and that each of these days is one where God is asking me what I will do with it. Every time I dig deeper I come up with the same response: "Do the very best you can with what you have today Elliott". Fear not the things that you cannot control but rather the idea that you can control anything or anyone, even your physical being.
When the foot hurts or the mind wanders into a place of self-loathing I know that I have a choice to make and that my choice will mold the rest of my day. Every time I get up and get started I understand that I am here for a purpose and that I can either serve that purpose, ignore it, go blissfully through the day or intentionally serve others, doing the things that God has asked of me and that the universe asks of me as well. Through the struggle of life, daily things, I undersstand that whether I have cancer or not I am living on borrowed time like everyone else. I am not special or different from everyone else who is struggling or laughing. I am the same.
Cancer has made me more courageous while at the same time forced me to live with purpose and intent. Cancer drug me to my knees as I waled in tears like a little boy inside a crib, helpless to get someone to pick me up. I have felt it all: the pain, the sadness, the hurt, the abandonment and the joy that comes from knowing that I can still dance. The joy that keeps me knowing that my life does matter and that I can still make a difference in the world.
God has a plan for everyone as I see it. God has a plan for me. I get that. I don't always understand it but I know it. What makes me know it has nothing to do with the price I have paid for living but living is worth the price I have paid. That is what I know and that is all I need to know.
Take your journey and take the bangs and the scrapes in life along the way. Live a life that is authentic and when you are afraid just admit it. Don't hide inside your feelings but rather let them run freely. Take yourself out of the equation where you are measured by how much you have whether it is money or degrees. Let yourself be yourself and do the best you can with what God has given to you. Thank the universe for living each day and for every once of love you have left in you and the love you receive. Don't let that one person you wanted to love you make you believe that you are alone and unworthy of love. take your journey and as you take it believe that what you do matters and that what you don't does not.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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