Be You All The Way
Today a good friend whom I love revealed to me that he has decided that he is "transgender". I was surprised but not and I could only think that he was still not transformed into a female at all. What I learned in the conversation with him was that in his heart he was always transgender and that it mattered very little that he has not started the procedure, whatever that looks like. What he was saying was that he is already a woman and that all that needs to happen is that he transform into a female in a physical sense. I was so proud of him and shared that pride with him, knowing fully that this was my only role in this situation, to support and love him through it. I then shared that I would be here if he needed me any time of the day or night. I vowed in that moment that not only would I assist him in transforming I would also transform into the fullness of the person I am. Although I am not interested in becoming a female I am interested in becoming a different man, living at a higher vibration.
I often talk about the last ten year relationship I had with someone and today what I understand is that I was not whole and authentic. I was faking it and making myself believe that I had to play a false role in order to be accepted. In a matter of weeks I received the news I had cancer and then the relationship went south very quickly. All of what I had pent up inside came out in one or two incidents where I vomited every horrific feeling I had for many years. It was awful and it was my way of ending the relationship or at the very least making sure it ended. Whether it was me or him initiating it does not matter because today I am a much happier person and I am me "all the way". It took some truly rough and fear based times for me to face the truth. I was with the wrong person and he was not nice. I have been healing for two years but boy does it feel good to be Elliot and not be broken down by someone who was likely jealous of me. Pain is the path and light is the factor that gets your though it.
Many of us would rather not admit the truth and for many of us the truth is too hard to bear or at least we believe that to be the case. The reality is that the truth is much lighter than denial and ever more healing than denial. Whether we are transgender, gay, bisexual or straight does not matter when it comes to matters of the heart. We play from an equal plane and we all are looking for something better. The only thing that matters is that we simply tell the truth.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
I often talk about the last ten year relationship I had with someone and today what I understand is that I was not whole and authentic. I was faking it and making myself believe that I had to play a false role in order to be accepted. In a matter of weeks I received the news I had cancer and then the relationship went south very quickly. All of what I had pent up inside came out in one or two incidents where I vomited every horrific feeling I had for many years. It was awful and it was my way of ending the relationship or at the very least making sure it ended. Whether it was me or him initiating it does not matter because today I am a much happier person and I am me "all the way". It took some truly rough and fear based times for me to face the truth. I was with the wrong person and he was not nice. I have been healing for two years but boy does it feel good to be Elliot and not be broken down by someone who was likely jealous of me. Pain is the path and light is the factor that gets your though it.
Many of us would rather not admit the truth and for many of us the truth is too hard to bear or at least we believe that to be the case. The reality is that the truth is much lighter than denial and ever more healing than denial. Whether we are transgender, gay, bisexual or straight does not matter when it comes to matters of the heart. We play from an equal plane and we all are looking for something better. The only thing that matters is that we simply tell the truth.
Elliott Maximo Collazo
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