How To Cure Lonliness
It was only after many years of being in a relationship with someone who withheld love at every turn and for every time he did not get his way that I realized what it was like to be in relationship and very lonely. That feeling of loneliness was much worse than being lonely and being alone because it feels like a horrible form of rejection from someone who professes to love you. Some of you know what it is like to live with someone who is emotionally abusive, emotionally absent or who withhold love depending on whether you behave the way they think you should. The good news is that whether or not you stay in this type of relationship (absent of unconditional love) you can begin to realize a life that will be full and filled with joy and less loneliness, at least being lonely less of the time. Here's how:
Have a plan, make plans:
Whether you are single or married make your own plans with your own friends and your own interests. Do not depend on what a partner plans for both of you, You should have a separate social life that is full of fun activities and friends of your own. You have a responsibility to your own life and the plans you make are a part of it. Make your own fun and connections with others and when you are rejected or manipulated next time you have a plan B.
Evaluate your relationship:
Are you in a relationship that is manipulative and filled with actives that he or she likes to do and absent of the things you like to do? It may be time to let go and move on. Being with someone who is that different from you and does not do the things you like to do is not healthy. Consider your spirit and what this does to you as a human being who needs to feel as though what you like matters. Spending time with a person who is inconsiderate and absent of compromise will only wear you down and one day you will wake up and realize how lonely you are and how much joy you lost out on. Be with a person who will be present for you and who will share their time with you because they really love you.
Take a vacation:
Every year I would plan a vacation alone whether I was in a relationship or not. My soul needed it because the rest of the time it seemed I was busy pleasing my partner and doing what they liked to do. My going on vacation gave me a chance to please Elliott and do the things I liked when I wanted to. Getting up early and playing soccer or working out was not my idea of a vacation, can I just share that? When I was alone in Mexico I ended up having dinner with ten people that I did not know or playing volley ball in the pool at 12am. I did exactly what I wanted to do and not once did I feel lonely. I think that the more we do alone the better we get at curing lonely.
Keep Your Own Friends that are separate and loyal to you:
Who said we have to share all our friends with our partners, spouses or lovers? We do not! Let me get something very clear, WE DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE ALL OUR FRIENDS. In fact it would be a good idea to only share our friends when we are present at an occasion and even then we should make it clear to our friends that their loyalty needs to stay with us. Being with these friends separately from being in relationship and spending time with them going out and enjoying life is one of the most crucial ways to combat loneliness. Keep your friends close to you and away from your significant other as they call it. They will be the ones there for you when the relationship folds and believe me relationships end very often times. Friends are forever! Can you hear me?
Determine how much time you give:
Look closely at the amount of time you spend with your partner or spouse. If you are spending most of your time with them it is time to pause and look at whether you are doing enough for yourself. The time you spend with a spouse is an indicator of whether you need to get a life of your own. It is especially evident when you are finding yourself in situations with him or her where you are bored or lacking some form of enjoyment. Take a step back and make a list of things you could be doing besides chasing your partner around. It is just not healthy and you will find yourself bored and lonely because you are spending way too much time pleasing someone else. Make time for yourself and for doing things on your own or with others.
No matter what others think I recommend that the cure for lonely is to practice doing things on your own and enjoying your own company, not allowing anyone in your life to monopolize your time or dictate what you do. I say try it out. Today.
Have a plan, make plans:
Whether you are single or married make your own plans with your own friends and your own interests. Do not depend on what a partner plans for both of you, You should have a separate social life that is full of fun activities and friends of your own. You have a responsibility to your own life and the plans you make are a part of it. Make your own fun and connections with others and when you are rejected or manipulated next time you have a plan B.
Evaluate your relationship:
Are you in a relationship that is manipulative and filled with actives that he or she likes to do and absent of the things you like to do? It may be time to let go and move on. Being with someone who is that different from you and does not do the things you like to do is not healthy. Consider your spirit and what this does to you as a human being who needs to feel as though what you like matters. Spending time with a person who is inconsiderate and absent of compromise will only wear you down and one day you will wake up and realize how lonely you are and how much joy you lost out on. Be with a person who will be present for you and who will share their time with you because they really love you.
Take a vacation:
Every year I would plan a vacation alone whether I was in a relationship or not. My soul needed it because the rest of the time it seemed I was busy pleasing my partner and doing what they liked to do. My going on vacation gave me a chance to please Elliott and do the things I liked when I wanted to. Getting up early and playing soccer or working out was not my idea of a vacation, can I just share that? When I was alone in Mexico I ended up having dinner with ten people that I did not know or playing volley ball in the pool at 12am. I did exactly what I wanted to do and not once did I feel lonely. I think that the more we do alone the better we get at curing lonely.
Keep Your Own Friends that are separate and loyal to you:
Who said we have to share all our friends with our partners, spouses or lovers? We do not! Let me get something very clear, WE DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE ALL OUR FRIENDS. In fact it would be a good idea to only share our friends when we are present at an occasion and even then we should make it clear to our friends that their loyalty needs to stay with us. Being with these friends separately from being in relationship and spending time with them going out and enjoying life is one of the most crucial ways to combat loneliness. Keep your friends close to you and away from your significant other as they call it. They will be the ones there for you when the relationship folds and believe me relationships end very often times. Friends are forever! Can you hear me?
Determine how much time you give:
Look closely at the amount of time you spend with your partner or spouse. If you are spending most of your time with them it is time to pause and look at whether you are doing enough for yourself. The time you spend with a spouse is an indicator of whether you need to get a life of your own. It is especially evident when you are finding yourself in situations with him or her where you are bored or lacking some form of enjoyment. Take a step back and make a list of things you could be doing besides chasing your partner around. It is just not healthy and you will find yourself bored and lonely because you are spending way too much time pleasing someone else. Make time for yourself and for doing things on your own or with others.
No matter what others think I recommend that the cure for lonely is to practice doing things on your own and enjoying your own company, not allowing anyone in your life to monopolize your time or dictate what you do. I say try it out. Today.
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