Love OR Survival

It is no secret that many people, especially women, stay in a relationship out of some form of survival.  It is not uncommon for people to share that they cannot leave someone who is abusive because they need them financially or they believe they will be doomed without that person.  Whatever the reason people stay in bad situations Love (giving and receiving love) should be the only reason we stay in a relationship.  Yet survival is one of the primary reasons we stay in a bad relationship that we know is not loving, kind or connected.  

Some of the survival related reasons we stay in a bad relationship are: 

Finances: When we cannot or feel we cannot financially afford to live on our own we stay in horrible situations with people who treat us poorly or who are indifferent.  In some cases our fears are valid in that we may have sacrificed our career to be a stay at home parent.  We have very little work experience and we will likely not qualify for a well paying job.  Staying stuck in a relationship because of our finances is one of the worse things we can do and over time we will feel the negative aspects of staying in a situation we are unhappy inside of.  Starting a training program and getting a job counselor would be helpful in eliminating this obstacle to our own joy.  Taking some night courses that will increase our skill set is another way to not stay stuck in a rut and with someone we don't cherish and does not cherish us.  

Health Insurance: Health insurance is expensive and having someone place you on their work insurance is much more affordable.  Leaving a relationship means that you will lose your insurance coverage but there is some good news as there are insurances that are affordable and one can apply for financial help to pay for it.  Look at your options for health insurance and you will see that there are good options that may be much more affordable.  Staying in a bad relationship for any reason is not a sound reason.  Go to the ends of the earth to find out why you are in a bad situation believing that you must tolerate it.  The truth is you don't.  

Emotional dependency:It is easy to become dependent on being with someone.  In our society being married seems to be much like any other goal like succeeding in business or getting a master's degree.  Emotional dependency happens because something is missing in our life and at one point or another we were made to believe we need to be with a partner in order to be validated.  Abusive people depend on making you emotionally dependent on them and will remind you that you need them and point out how little you are valued by them.  Getting help from a counselor will assist us in disconnecting emotionally from people who mistreat us and from situations that don't serve our hearts. Nothing is more freeing than to let go of the emotional stuff that imprisons us with people who don't love us or from getting a new start.  Fear of abandonment is one of the most common reasons we stay and comes from unhealed past issues.  Whether it is with or without someone else's input emotional dependence is wrong and in the long run should not be the reason we are in any relationship with anyone for any reason.  

False beliefs: There are numerous false beliefs and reasons why we stay.  One of them is that we are incomplete without a partner and the other is that we won't be able to make it without someone next to us.  We feel that after so many years of being with someone we are not going to make it alone. We believe a lot of false beliefs that are simply not true.  The best way to put these false beliefs to rest is to talk through them and give yourself the message that they are untrue.  Every time a false belief comes forward in your mind consciously ask them to go away and purposely let them go.  There will be false beliefs that will come up about staying in a bad situation.  Knowing they are not true is a way to not buy into them.  

Love or Survival?  Are you in the relationship with the person you are with out of sincere love or is it really survival?  The only way to figure this out is to ask yourself daily why you are in a relationship if you are unhappy or feeling incomplete or lonely.  My grandmother use to say to me that there was nothing worse than being lonely with someone.  I found out first hand what she meant when I myself stayed in a relationship for ten years that did not serve my heart.  Even though it was painful for me I finally was able to let go and today I can honestly say that no reason is good enough to stay if it is not pure love.  


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